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Turning up to venue uninvited…Why?

385 replies

SweetSouberry · 14/07/2024 18:02

My friend made quite a controversial choice in hosting an event this morning/ lunchtime.

Traditionally the event would be more family orientated with kids running around and hosted in a more ‘domestic’ setting.

She hosted in quite a posh hotel and only invited blood relatives and friends. My husband and sons weren’t invited but I went as the event would hold no interest for them.

Her parents and one of her brothers initially refused to go as in-laws and nephews nieces weren’t invited. However, mother and brother did come in the end!

But a whole slew of the uninvited turned up anyway. Two sisters-in-law , one with her own sister came to the venue and had lunch in the same restaurant with their kids who kept coming over to our table.

A cousin’s partner walked around grounds with her own child while partner and older step-child were at event.

Mother-in-law’s sister sat in the hotel’s lounge and the spouse of another friend set up his computer in the conservatory type thing.

I was just cringing, why would they humiliate themselves like this?

I would not have done what friend did but even if I wasn’t invited somewhere and I was upset I wouldn’t dream of still coming to venue.

Why do you think that they did it?

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 14/07/2024 19:04

Dymaxion · 14/07/2024 19:03

Were the family and other guests invited to the Church bit ? and then excluded from the posh after Christening bit ?

You can't stop anyone from going to a church service.

Bunnyasmyname · 14/07/2024 19:04

Why were you invited OP?
So much for immediate family only, eh!

This sounds like a reverse.

LuckyOnes · 14/07/2024 19:03

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 14/07/2024 18:59

Your beef is with the bouncer/doorman who let them in.

And why did the staff allow it?

Or is it a regular restaurant where you can just rock up and eat? In which case they didn’t do anything wrong, it’s a public place.

It's an ordinary hotel restaurant, from what the OP says. Anyone could come and book a table, or work on their laptop in the lounge, or walk in the grounds. It wasn't some exclusive nightclub situation with bouncers and velvet ropes.

TheShellBeach · 14/07/2024 19:03

lowflyingtitties · 14/07/2024 19:02

Seriously, I dont think the Internet is for you. Imagine calling someone that. Sad. I bet your a joy to be around.

It was just her opinion.

Dymaxion · 14/07/2024 19:03

Were the family and other guests invited to the Church bit ? and then excluded from the posh after Christening bit ?

Peoneve · 14/07/2024 19:02

SweetSouberry · 14/07/2024 18:26

O.K. Christening!

Friend was upset that her event was gatecrashed. Sister-in-law brought her own sister and kids. Why?

Because a Christening is family affair welcoming child into Gods family?

lowflyingtitties · 14/07/2024 19:02

MartinsSpareCalculator · 14/07/2024 18:39

Your friend was a rude cunt to purposely not invite people's partners (including her own inlaws) to the christening.

If you're that fucking precious then hire a private space.

Anyone can go and eat in a public restaurant, and I should imagine people did so purposely to highlight what a dick she was being.

Seriously, I dont think the Internet is for you. Imagine calling someone that. Sad. I bet your a joy to be around.

TicketyBoo11 · 14/07/2024 19:02

‘the uninvited’..😂😂😂
There's some weird behaviour on Mumsnet today, I am going to put it down to football fever.

NotSureHowToProcess · 14/07/2024 19:02

Christening is about welcoming a child both into a church and it's community. Everybody and their aunt should have been invited.

SleepingStandingUp · 14/07/2024 19:01

SweetSouberry · 14/07/2024 18:32

She wanted a quiet celebration with people that mattered to her, that didn’t involve her having to organise anything.

Of course it was a public place but there were literally tens of public places that the uninvited could have eaten in or they could have just stayed at home.

I would have been completely embarrassed turning up somewhere that I wasn’t wanted.

Embarrassing would have been turning up and trying to join you. Clearly the others either - travelled together so they could go on somewhere else (i.e. the one walking round the grounds) but this is what happens when you invite a cousin and child but not their partner and step child, or were making a point (i.e. Grandma's sister) but this is what happens when you exclude family from a family celebration.

How long til she's on Mumsnet bemoaning the lack of family involvement

Chatteringmagpie7 · 14/07/2024 19:01

I think is so much more to this story that meets the eye.

it’s hard to say who is being unreasonable here.

MillyNair · 14/07/2024 18:59

SweetSouberry · 14/07/2024 18:32

She wanted a quiet celebration with people that mattered to her, that didn’t involve her having to organise anything.

Of course it was a public place but there were literally tens of public places that the uninvited could have eaten in or they could have just stayed at home.

I would have been completely embarrassed turning up somewhere that I wasn’t wanted.

Why are you so invested? It sounds as though you are pleased to be on her elite guest list and are pissed off that the uninvited dismantled the whole idea of a chosen special few.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 14/07/2024 18:59

Your beef is with the bouncer/doorman who let them in.

And why did the staff allow it?

Or is it a regular restaurant where you can just rock up and eat? In which case they didn’t do anything wrong, it’s a public place.

Lyricallie · 14/07/2024 18:59

This is actually insane. I can’t imagine what the family what’s app chat would have been like. My mum would have probably have disowned me if I tried something like that. Fair play to her brother and mum being raging.

excelledyourself · 14/07/2024 18:58

excelledyourself · 14/07/2024 18:57

Her parents and one of her brothers initially refused to go as in-laws and nephews nieces weren’t invited. However, mother and brother did come in the end!

So did her own dad not attend?

I can't believe she didn't invite her baby's aunts/uncles/cousins.

Although I wouldn't have turned up anywhere near it uninvited.

SleepingStandingUp · 14/07/2024 18:58

SweetSouberry · 14/07/2024 18:16

It wasn’t a child’s birthday.

Why would you turn up to somewhere that you weren’t invited?

The one who walked around with her teenager did keep staring in as she passed.

if you were pissed off I could see going out somewhere to cheer yourself up, but why same venue that your spouse was at?

Why show your face, when that face wasn’t invited.

I felt we were in a zoo and couldn’t relax as the other guests were so distracted.

She chose a public place. Other people are allowed.

GatherlyGal · 14/07/2024 18:57

None of this makes any sense to me. Everyone obviously knew the place and time and made plans together to all go whether invited or not.

I can't really understand having a family celebration but leaving out a lot of the family! It's weird all round though because I do think its also odd for those who weren't invited to show up anyway.

excelledyourself · 14/07/2024 18:57

Her parents and one of her brothers initially refused to go as in-laws and nephews nieces weren’t invited. However, mother and brother did come in the end!

So did her own dad not attend?

I can't believe she didn't invite her baby's aunts/uncles/cousins.

Jeezitneverends · 14/07/2024 18:56

SweetSouberry · 14/07/2024 18:32

She wanted a quiet celebration with people that mattered to her, that didn’t involve her having to organise anything.

Of course it was a public place but there were literally tens of public places that the uninvited could have eaten in or they could have just stayed at home.

I would have been completely embarrassed turning up somewhere that I wasn’t wanted.

Then she should have had godparents and grandparents only.

They all sound as bad as each other, on both sides

FuzzyStripes · 14/07/2024 18:56

We don’t know what happened behind the scenes. Maybe someone who was invited told all the others so they assumed they were also invited, because most people would assume that they would be, so they turned up regardless. Or perhaps they did it to disrespect and disregard the boundaries and etiquette.

Lesson from this is that if you want to control who attends, have a venue that allows that control.

TheShellBeach · 14/07/2024 18:55

This just goes to show that a lot of christenings are just done for the sake of the party afterwards.
Not because the parents are interested in Christianity.

TemuSpecialBuy · 14/07/2024 18:55

REP22 · 14/07/2024 18:51

How did the uninvited know the name of the venue and the time? Therein, possibly, lies the fault. Either the hostess plastered it all over SM, in which case anyone with access to it may have seen it and not read/understood that it was invitation-only - or one if those invited passed the details to others, possibly also suggesting that they came along? Whether this was done innocently or to stir is another matter. But how they all knew where to pitch up and when is a good starting point.

Because she literally invited her husbands siblings and not their spouses?!?!?

TheShellBeach · 14/07/2024 18:54

Not a very Christian way of celebrating your child's inception into Christianity.
Parents have to say that they'll follow the tenets of the Christian faith.

Kelly51 · 14/07/2024 18:53

It's more appalling she invited 'blood relatives' and friends yet excluded family members.
Your friend is the one that should be embarrassed by her thoughtless behaviour.

Schoolchoicesucks · 14/07/2024 18:53

REP22 · 14/07/2024 18:51

How did the uninvited know the name of the venue and the time? Therein, possibly, lies the fault. Either the hostess plastered it all over SM, in which case anyone with access to it may have seen it and not read/understood that it was invitation-only - or one if those invited passed the details to others, possibly also suggesting that they came along? Whether this was done innocently or to stir is another matter. But how they all knew where to pitch up and when is a good starting point.

Well they knew where and when it was because their spouses were invited.