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Turning up to venue uninvited…Why?

385 replies

SweetSouberry · 14/07/2024 18:02

My friend made quite a controversial choice in hosting an event this morning/ lunchtime.

Traditionally the event would be more family orientated with kids running around and hosted in a more ‘domestic’ setting.

She hosted in quite a posh hotel and only invited blood relatives and friends. My husband and sons weren’t invited but I went as the event would hold no interest for them.

Her parents and one of her brothers initially refused to go as in-laws and nephews nieces weren’t invited. However, mother and brother did come in the end!

But a whole slew of the uninvited turned up anyway. Two sisters-in-law , one with her own sister came to the venue and had lunch in the same restaurant with their kids who kept coming over to our table.

A cousin’s partner walked around grounds with her own child while partner and older step-child were at event.

Mother-in-law’s sister sat in the hotel’s lounge and the spouse of another friend set up his computer in the conservatory type thing.

I was just cringing, why would they humiliate themselves like this?

I would not have done what friend did but even if I wasn’t invited somewhere and I was upset I wouldn’t dream of still coming to venue.

Why do you think that they did it?

OP posts:
CelesteCunningham · 14/07/2024 19:12

HeySummerWhereAreYou · 14/07/2024 19:11

@Callmemel

Are you posting on behalf of the 'the friend'?

You sounds pretty involved in the upset over the 'slew of the uninvited' tbh, OP.

Exactly what I was thinking.

I think it's what we're all thinking. Grin

Rycbar · 14/07/2024 19:12

REP22 · 14/07/2024 18:51

How did the uninvited know the name of the venue and the time? Therein, possibly, lies the fault. Either the hostess plastered it all over SM, in which case anyone with access to it may have seen it and not read/understood that it was invitation-only - or one if those invited passed the details to others, possibly also suggesting that they came along? Whether this was done innocently or to stir is another matter. But how they all knew where to pitch up and when is a good starting point.

It sounds like she invited the blood half of these families. So she invited her brother but not his wife or children etc. That’s how they knew where it was.

anyway I think OP is the friend.

HeySummerWhereAreYou · 14/07/2024 19:11

@Callmemel

Are you posting on behalf of the 'the friend'?

You sounds pretty involved in the upset over the 'slew of the uninvited' tbh, OP.

Exactly what I was thinking.

Klippityklopp · 14/07/2024 19:11

Does your friend have form for this type of behaviour?
It sounds very bizarre that she made a point of not inviting her child's aunt, not blood related, but invited her brothers step child, who would not be blood related either.
I feel sorry for her child if she only wants to celebrate with blood relatives, it won't be forgotten and may very well come back to bite her in the arse

HeySummerWhereAreYou · 14/07/2024 19:10

MartinsSpareCalculator · 14/07/2024 18:39

Your friend was a rude cunt to purposely not invite people's partners (including her own inlaws) to the christening.

If you're that fucking precious then hire a private space.

Anyone can go and eat in a public restaurant, and I should imagine people did so purposely to highlight what a dick she was being.

I agree with this. ^

Dymaxion · 14/07/2024 19:10

@SweetSouberry I think it would help if you clarify if it was an actual Church christening followed by a hotel do or a sort of welcome baby event ?

Were gifts expected from the guests ?

CelesteCunningham · 14/07/2024 19:10

SweetSouberry · 14/07/2024 18:26

O.K. Christening!

Friend was upset that her event was gatecrashed. Sister-in-law brought her own sister and kids. Why?

Presumably so she'd have adult company and a bit of help with the kids since her husband wasn't there.

wineandcatsandlego · 14/07/2024 19:10

This was you, wasn't it?

I presume gifts were expected/given from the excluded parties??

EmberAsh · 14/07/2024 19:09

Once she got to the venue and realised all the additional extended family were there, it's not like she had to do any additional planning though. She could've just asked if they could join in at your table but pay separately. If my partner/spouse was attending a christening and we could make a day of it, we might choose to also go along for the day and maybe for ease, eat at the same public venue. It all sounds very mean spirited on your friends part.

Epicaricacy · 14/07/2024 19:09

peachgreen · 14/07/2024 19:08

Weird replies here… it’s bloody rude to turn up to an event you haven’t been invited to, and bordering on unhinged to walk around staring at the guests. Sort of explains why they weren’t invited in the first place!

ETA: obviously it’s a bit odd that they weren’t invited in the first place, but the correct way to make that point would have been for the invited person to decline the invitation.

Edited

100% this!

peachgreen · 14/07/2024 19:08

Weird replies here… it’s bloody rude to turn up to an event you haven’t been invited to, and bordering on unhinged to walk around staring at the guests. Sort of explains why they weren’t invited in the first place!

ETA: obviously it’s a bit odd that they weren’t invited in the first place, but the correct way to make that point would have been for the invited person to decline the invitation.

REP22 · 14/07/2024 19:08

Schoolchoicesucks · 14/07/2024 18:53

Well they knew where and when it was because their spouses were invited.

and @TemuSpecialBuy

Ah, OK. Of course, sorry. In that case it's even more odd. Inviting one member out of a family unit to a "welcoming" of a new family member - religious or not - does seem odd, and unkind to the uninvited parties. Bizarre. I can't decide who's more at fault - the hostess for being so exclusive and oddly restricting, or the folks who turned up unasked. Tempted to opt for the former though, given the numbers of people that appeared - perhaps the weekends are the only times they get to spend together?

At our family gatherings it would be unthinkable to do this. ALL cousins and their families (plus older cousins boyfriends/girlfriends) were welcome - and we're not Irish or from any other background that traditionally celebrates en masse. In fact, at our last gathering a few years ago - in a privately-reserved area of a reasonably posh hotel - there was a little five year old boy who kept coming back for cake and to play with the younger ones - until his mortified parents retrieved him. He was a random unknown who'd cannily spotted an opportunity for some free cake and games! We gave him a balloon before he was hauled away. But even he wasn't turned away (everyone assumed he was a new second cousin of someone) and was made to feel welcome. I'd find it odd to have an event like this and not to have all members of the same family invited. Not necessarily all families that we are related to - but complete families when invited.

HeySummerWhereAreYou · 14/07/2024 19:08

Are YOU the 'friend' @SweetSouberry Is it you who has left half your family out?

Personally I would not have gone to a family Christening that I was not invited to, but I would have ghosted that family member.

However...

The Christening was at a Church I presume? Anyone can go into a Church. It's a public place. So they had a right to go. Your 'friend' was incredibly rude to not invite half the family. What a mean-spirited thing to do.

VJBR · 14/07/2024 19:08

SweetSouberry · 14/07/2024 18:32

She wanted a quiet celebration with people that mattered to her, that didn’t involve her having to organise anything.

Of course it was a public place but there were literally tens of public places that the uninvited could have eaten in or they could have just stayed at home.

I would have been completely embarrassed turning up somewhere that I wasn’t wanted.

Was it in a church? I don't think you can stop people coming to church. A christening is normally an opportunity to welcome a baby into the church. Surely the more the merrier? Unless it was an instagram christening - all done for show.

Epicaricacy · 14/07/2024 19:07

How embarrassing for the non-guests to turn up? Everybody must have been cringing on their behalf.

They did not humiliate your friend at all, if nothing else they show exactly why she was better off not inviting them!

They are pathetic, I feel sorry for your friends.

lowflyingtitties · 14/07/2024 19:07

TheShellBeach · 14/07/2024 19:03

It was just her opinion.

Yeah it was. I also gave mine.

Schoolchoicesucks · 14/07/2024 19:07

C'mon OP, you've gone awfully quiet.
Are posts making you reconsider your viewpoint?
I'm sorry for your friend if she is upset that the day didn't go as she planned. But it was the result of her own actions and lack of consideration.

Itsallsostressful · 14/07/2024 19:07

Truly bonkers stuff !!

Isthisit22 · 14/07/2024 19:06

So your friend didn’t invite the aunt of the child being christened? Presumably just so she could have a posher more instagrammable venue. Really poor behaviour

Dymaxion · 14/07/2024 19:06

You can't stop anyone from going to a church service.

@TheShellBeach I know, had quite a few extra's at my wedding Grin I just thought it might explain why people then went onto the Hotel after even if they weren't invited to the foody bit ?

RichardMarxisinnocent · 14/07/2024 19:06

Presumably the in laws came to the church for the actual Christening? If so they would have needed to go somewhere while their spouses had lunch, so waiting at /having lunch at /walking round outside the lunch venue seems as good an option as any.

CelesteCunningham · 14/07/2024 19:05

Omg imagine not inviting your child's aunts, uncles and cousins to the christening. 😬 What a bitch! That would change how I felt about a friend.

Trinity65 · 14/07/2024 19:05

YABU but loll @ The Uninvited

Sounds like a kind of thriller or horror novel title

HoppityBun · 14/07/2024 19:05

Weird to invite you but not her own family?

CedarFence · 14/07/2024 19:05

As passive aggressive behaviour goes, that shows commitment!

Most people only manage a comment or 2 in the family WhatsApp