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Original poster

Turning up to venue uninvited…Why?

385 replies

SweetSouberry · 14/07/2024 18:02

My friend made quite a controversial choice in hosting an event this morning/ lunchtime.

Traditionally the event would be more family orientated with kids running around and hosted in a more ‘domestic’ setting.

She hosted in quite a posh hotel and only invited blood relatives and friends. My husband and sons weren’t invited but I went as the event would hold no interest for them.

Her parents and one of her brothers initially refused to go as in-laws and nephews nieces weren’t invited. However, mother and brother did come in the end!

But a whole slew of the uninvited turned up anyway. Two sisters-in-law , one with her own sister came to the venue and had lunch in the same restaurant with their kids who kept coming over to our table.

A cousin’s partner walked around grounds with her own child while partner and older step-child were at event.

Mother-in-law’s sister sat in the hotel’s lounge and the spouse of another friend set up his computer in the conservatory type thing.

I was just cringing, why would they humiliate themselves like this?

I would not have done what friend did but even if I wasn’t invited somewhere and I was upset I wouldn’t dream of still coming to venue.

Why do you think that they did it?

OP posts:
S0livagant · 14/07/2024 19:34

Had everyone been invited to the church then were waiting for family members attending the meal?

Original poster
SweetSouberry · 14/07/2024 19:33

@CelesteCunningham but she could have stayed at home or gone out with her own sister somewhere else.

OP posts:
Redmat · 14/07/2024 19:33

"Only people that mattered to her" but not the people who mattered to the people who mattered to her!

CableCar · 14/07/2024 19:33

Are your sure you're the friend OP and not the hostess of the event? I can't see why this offends you so much?

3luckystars · 14/07/2024 19:32

SweetSouberry · 14/07/2024 18:26

O.K. Christening!

Friend was upset that her event was gatecrashed. Sister-in-law brought her own sister and kids. Why?

BECAUSE THEY WEREN’T INVITED!! That’s why.

I don’t know why she divided the family up like that, most people just invite everyone.

DillyDilly · 14/07/2024 19:31

It was quite rude of the hosts not to invite friends without their spouses/children, siblings without their spouses/partners, etc to a family type event at the weekend. I’m surprised anyone went at all. Did she just want the gifts and not the number of attendees ??

YellowAsteroid · 14/07/2024 19:31

SweetSouberry · 14/07/2024 18:32

She wanted a quiet celebration with people that mattered to her, that didn’t involve her having to organise anything.

Of course it was a public place but there were literally tens of public places that the uninvited could have eaten in or they could have just stayed at home.

I would have been completely embarrassed turning up somewhere that I wasn’t wanted.

But if it was a christening, those are usually held in a church and anyone may attend. Your friend sounds a bit - odd.

CableCar · 14/07/2024 19:31

SweetSouberry · 14/07/2024 18:16

It wasn’t a child’s birthday.

Why would you turn up to somewhere that you weren’t invited?

The one who walked around with her teenager did keep staring in as she passed.

if you were pissed off I could see going out somewhere to cheer yourself up, but why same venue that your spouse was at?

Why show your face, when that face wasn’t invited.

I felt we were in a zoo and couldn’t relax as the other guests were so distracted.

It was a public place that anyone could access ... Not an exclusive private party! Anyone is free to go there and use the venue. If your friend really wanted some high class privacy they should've booked an exclusive venue or function room x

S0livagant · 14/07/2024 19:30

I don't know why you would try to exclude family members from a venue open to the public. Or not invite children to a Christening! Why not include everyone (space permitting)?

BowlOfNoodles · 14/07/2024 19:26

Call me thick I've had a few rums are you saying uninvited Inlaws turned up and made it awkward?

Bournetilly · 14/07/2024 19:26

I wouldn’t of turned up if I wasn’t invited but your friend who hosted this has embarrassed herself not the others.

DoreenonTill8 · 14/07/2024 19:25

peachgreen · 14/07/2024 19:08

Weird replies here… it’s bloody rude to turn up to an event you haven’t been invited to, and bordering on unhinged to walk around staring at the guests. Sort of explains why they weren’t invited in the first place!

ETA: obviously it’s a bit odd that they weren’t invited in the first place, but the correct way to make that point would have been for the invited person to decline the invitation.

Edited

Yes, It sounds to me like all 'the uninvited' are the issue, controlling inlaws as oft seen on MN who want to run the show, and for once someone's told them no!

saraclara · 14/07/2024 19:24

What a bunch. The not-invited who went anyway, in order to humiliate her, and your friend who didn't even invite the child's aunts and uncles. I don't think she quite understands what a Christening is about.

Absolutely bizarre all round.

savethatkitty · 14/07/2024 19:22

I'm cringing! You don't have to invite anyone you don't want, family or otherwise.

I agree with OP, the uninvited gatecrashers have embarrassed themselves.

housethatbuiltme · 14/07/2024 19:21

SweetSouberry · 14/07/2024 18:32

She wanted a quiet celebration with people that mattered to her, that didn’t involve her having to organise anything.

Of course it was a public place but there were literally tens of public places that the uninvited could have eaten in or they could have just stayed at home.

I would have been completely embarrassed turning up somewhere that I wasn’t wanted.

'with people that mattered to her'

Wow so tacky to proudly declare at a family event that your sister in laws 'aren't people who matter'.

That seems like karma will blow back hard from lots of directions later on.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 14/07/2024 19:18

Very, very odd, upsetting behaviour to try and make a Christening "exclusive"

fruitbrewhaha · 14/07/2024 19:17

Your friends got this spectacularly wrong. I think every christening I’ve been to has been at a hotel, restaurant or pub. No one with a new born or young baby wants to host at home. I’m not sure why you think she has been controversial in her choice of venue. Where she completely lacks morals is not inviting her family to attend. She’s an idiot.

housethatbuiltme · 14/07/2024 19:16

Its a public venue - whats cringe is hosting an event in a public place then moaning the public are in the public areas.

Its also pretty damn tacky and disrespectful to separate up families which is CLEARLY what everyone thought too. Everyone else is not wrong, they on mass came to the exact same conclusion which shows its actually the standard conclusion.

Not inviting them was far worse etiquette than them showing up to a public place, they did not 'crash' anything.

Ponderingwindow · 14/07/2024 19:15

How often do we see on here for weddings when only part of the family is invited, the suggestion that everyone could travel together and then the uninvited part of the couple or family could entertain themselves nearby? Here we see it playing out in action.

This is what people do. Especially if they have young children they don’t really want to separate from so one parent stays outside the official party with the kids. They don’t make themselves invisible.

bfrgggdsryvfg · 14/07/2024 19:15

I think all of them were crazy for turning up. For most people, if half of their family - DH/DW and DC weren’t invited to something the whole family unit wouldn’t have shown up. I wouldn’t go to something if my DH and DC were spitefully excluded. It’s all of each family unit or none IMO, the people at the Christening you went to obviously decided to go for the all option regardless of what they had been told, which was a bold move. Perhaps they thought it was a mistake and they were all invited because it is mind blowing that someone could be that excluding and petty.

OriginalUsername2 · 14/07/2024 19:15

It sounds like most of the uninvited family members were just keeping themselves busy in the same public building while they waited for their other halves?

frightenedmum1 · 14/07/2024 19:13

I dont think anyone did it to embarass anyone. Maybe I am different to you, but christenings are a thing you reluctantly attend out of duty,
People wanted to go, get it over with and spend the rest of teh day with their family, Sunday is family day in most homes.

CelesteCunningham · 14/07/2024 19:13

peachgreen · 14/07/2024 19:08

Weird replies here… it’s bloody rude to turn up to an event you haven’t been invited to, and bordering on unhinged to walk around staring at the guests. Sort of explains why they weren’t invited in the first place!

ETA: obviously it’s a bit odd that they weren’t invited in the first place, but the correct way to make that point would have been for the invited person to decline the invitation.

Edited

They did, and then presumably OP the friend kicked off.

Yes it was cheeky as but I think it's hilarious. Fuck around and find out, as I gather the kids say.

TonTonMacoute · 14/07/2024 19:13

Easipeelerie · 14/07/2024 18:18

They did it to intimidate and to bully because they weren’t invited. Horrible, vulgar people.

This.

I think the whole set up sounds odd frankly, and your friend was tempting this type of reaction, and I can see why people might have been annoyed, but I think this 'revenge' is pretty nasty.

lowflyingtitties · 14/07/2024 19:12

peachgreen · 14/07/2024 19:08

Weird replies here… it’s bloody rude to turn up to an event you haven’t been invited to, and bordering on unhinged to walk around staring at the guests. Sort of explains why they weren’t invited in the first place!

ETA: obviously it’s a bit odd that they weren’t invited in the first place, but the correct way to make that point would have been for the invited person to decline the invitation.

Edited

Agree with this and I speak as someone who's basic number for my wedding was 130+ people because we didn't want to leave anyone out. That was before we could even add any friends!