Turning up to venue uninvited…Why?

Turning up uninvited to an event is pretty trashy. Shows that she was probably right not to invite them.

Just speculation/being sceptical...but did the 'friend' in part do this to get more gifts per meal... if you invite brother SIs in law and 4 kids you pay for 4 meal but set one gift.... but invite 4 people each from separate familys=4 gifts!

(I'm on the side of the uninvited)

[Edit -oops didn't realise this was an old thread... have been going down a mumsnet rabbit hole]

All for people having agency in their own lives, and ofc leaving space for some big drip feed family feud revelation that actually paints the OP’s mate as reasonable after all…but ‘blood relatives only’ is such a fucked up way of organising a guestlist. My mother’s family - who saw divorce as the ultimate sin - were like this. other than being a pretty nonsensical way to evaluate family structures in 2024 it really leaves scars.

Surely a christening is one of those events where you just swallow the fact that your husbands auntys whatever wants to pop in? never mind some of the pretty significant exclusions here

Apologies, I was tired and didn’t realise it was you I originally responded to x

I'm a little confused as I was responding to your response to me where you initally quoted me...I appear to have inadvertently offended you. That's a shame. I did actually realise they went to the church but it comes across that the OP keeps referring to the meal afterwards as 'the Christening'. For me that felt like a key point. As though the meal is the important part, not the Baptism...and that says something about both her friend and her, in my opinion.

I was responding to a comment were the poster hadn’t realised the family went to the church. The op had made snarky comment about fine my friend couldn’t stop them going there but still thinks they shouldn’t have gone, or something similar.

All my children were baptised in church, one with full congregation and two after Sunday service, congregation welcome to stay. I’m fully versed in what a church baptism means.

Of course a christening is usually a family occasion, more so than a wedding. I think if this was a wedding thread instead the answers would be pretty much the same. I don't remember seeing a wedding guest thread about ILs plus nephews and nieces not being invited where "blood relations" are, but there has probably been one! There have been a few about step children not being invited but their step siblings, who are blood related to one of the couple, being so, in established relationships. Usually there are a few "well you've got to stop somewhere as weddings are expensive" comments, but from memory, the vast majotiy tends to side with the step parent and say it's a bit off to split the family in this way.

I'm sure I have read Aibu to End My Friendship posts over events less trivial than this.

The Uninvited were also very likely making the best of an inconvenient invitation/uninvitation. If a family wants to spend Sunday together, a couple of hours at a tiny christening isn't worth staying in for, especially as they can go to the church anyway.

So I'd probably do the same - "I'll just get lunch with kiddo while you go to the Exclusive Christening Party, and then we'll carry on to my mum's (or whatever).

It's actually not about your friend - it's about what is convenient to the people she invited and didn't invite.

But of course, your 'friend' thinks it's all about her. It's not.

It must be a very strange family, if it is considered normal for people's spouses not to be considered really part of the family and just "outsiders" who need not be invited to family events. Her action was very rude and divisive and, considering it was all about a christening, not very Christian.

The people who turned up were showing her what they thought of her action, and presumably their invited spouses agreed but hadn’t wanted to make a big fuss about the invitation.

you cant just invite one from every ccouple its ridicculous

my dh is my niece uncleto her she calls him uncle-i would be so annoye if my sister didnt invite hiim

I think threads on here are reasonably consistent that it's rude to invite one half of an established couple.

I am baffled that you don't think an aunt or uncle's spouse counts as an aunt or uncle.

I'd be gutted if I wasn't invited to DN's (DH's brother's child's) christening. And DH would be pissed off and wouldn't be going without me.

I hope they have an epic WhatsApp group chat re-named The Uninvited.

People on here will break their necks to try and make an OP (this time her friend) wrong. All of a sudden, any gathering is now 'for family, aunts and uncles' but any wedding thread about people not being invited, the vast majority of posts are that no-one is owed an invitation and they shouldn't feel so entitled. I've seen people hounded on here for expecting an invite to a wedding...which is also a 'family event'.

Please please Dail Mail pick this up so it can get national and The Uninvited can fulfil this epic quest.

I’m imagining the extended family Christmas:
all the excluded spouses and children unwrap biker jackets with The Uninvited written in studs across the back.

It's not supposed to be a major event in your friends life, its about the child and God and the congregation witnessing it ....hence why anyone can go to the church for weddings/funerals/christenings ...you don't need an invite.
She made it a posh snobby event and told her family what she thought of them they showed her the finger.
Personally I wouldn't have gone as a guest if my family were excluded we would have all gone to the church then done our own thing and asked the uninvited if they were putting anything into a savings trust for the child. Not passing anything to the mother.
I wonder what she will think when being the only uninvited at future family events? I'm sure that will come.

If she wanted a smaller gathering she should have kept it to grandparents and the godparents. Splitting couples and basically telling people they're not worthy to attend if they're not directly related to the mother or father (but certain friends are) is bound to cause offence and is actually really unpleasant, especially for such a family orientated event as a christening.

It also doesn't make sense as cousins are blood relatives, and young children generally don't have a clue which of their aunt or uncle is actually genetically related to them. My daughter is 5 and she doesn't know the difference between my BIL (who is DH's brother) and SIL (his wife) - they're just her auntie and uncle and she loves them exactly the same. I can't imagine only inviting BIL to her christening and telling my SIL and her two cousins (who love her to bits) that they have to stay home.

I've gone with yabu because they are able to come along to a public place. Absolutely ridiculous to invite half of a couple to a family event. This is likely to go down in family lore as unforgivable. Like you invite aunt Gladys but uncle Jim has to stay home with little Leo and Leonora. Truly horrible thing to do for any family event.

The turning up registers their displeasure at being excluded. I wouldn't have done it but equally I'd have found an excuse not to go to the christening if my family were not invited.

Children free weddings are one thing but child free christenings are by definition not possible, and if your child is invited it's unreasonable to exclude other family kids.

If she wanted low stress christening just do it at the church after mass/service and invite the grandparents home for Sunday lunch.

OP, I don't understand why you keep asking why these people would do this when the obvious answer has been given to you several times over from the beginning of the thread.

Christenings are public events in most churches, usually held during the main Sunday Service which all the churchgoers attend - it’s about welcoming a child into the Christian community. Often multiple children from different families will be baptised on the same day. You can’t tell anyone they are not invited to church, everyone is invited. They had every right to be there too. They were the child’s uncles and aunties too. Op’s “friend” isn’t above God and doesn’t get to make the guest list for the Church of England/Catholic Church 😂

And it REALLY seems like it’s the “posh hotel” bit that’s pissed her off.

They did it to piss her off and make the point that they should’ve been there anyway. Christenings are supposed to be a rite of passage to bring a child into the Church family and is certainly a wider family event. It is not an event for show, it is a deeply symbolic and important religious event and should not be about the social desires of the parents.

Oh I missed that!! This is getting better and better 😀

It would be hilarious if it was a coordinated move on the part of the 'uninvited'. I am guessing it was a convenience thing - one partner didn't fancy the long, difficult drive alone so partner came along to accompany, another person saw the location and thought their DH and DC would enjoy it and they could all do something together afterwards, another liked the look of the menu and thought they'd bring their laptop along to catch up on work in a nice location. Because she excluded so many, it looks like they all ganged up.