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AIBU?

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Original poster

Found Viagra in husbands jeans

61 replies

Anon242308 · 14/07/2024 17:24

Looking for some advice. My husband went out with friends last night and when I was putting his clothes in the wash, a packet of viagra fell out his pocket with one tablet missing from pack. He has since admitted that he went to the strip club and paid for private dances. He also admitted to buying cocaine for the night out. He swears that nothing happened other than a girl danced over him. I can't understand why then he'd need the viagra and why he had it out with him in his pocket and has obviously used one. He had the viagra delivered to our house the same day before he went out and it came in a box. We have 3 kids together and I thought we were happy. I packed his stuff and threw him out. We've also been struggling financially lately and I can't believe he's wasted money on drugs and strippers. I don't know what to think but what he's saying just doesn't add up. He said he bought the viagra for us for when he got home as apparently its difficult to get an erection when you have been taking cocaine. 1. We've never needed it before for our sex life. And 2. He knew I'd be in bed asleep by the time he got home. Would It be unreasonable to end this relationship? I feel humiliated and I don't think I could trust him again. He didn't come clean right away either, tried to say the viagra was not that and some other tablet but told him I knew what it was and showed him google results for name so he had no option but to tell (what I think) is now the truth. AIBU to end this relationship. I don't want to stay together just for the kids but at this point that's all it would be as I'm so disgusted by his behaviour and dont think I could ever trust him again. Also makes me question every night out he's been on now.

OP posts:
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BMW6 · 30/06/2025 14:45

sherrycirilo · 30/06/2025 14:30

talk with him politely and give him opportunity to speak. ask him why he needed viagra stirps but dont argue. keep things in mind, try to save your relationship.

Why on earth have you resurrected a thread that hasn't been posted on since last October????

sherrycirilo · 30/06/2025 14:30

talk with him politely and give him opportunity to speak. ask him why he needed viagra stirps but dont argue. keep things in mind, try to save your relationship.

thismummydrinksgin · 09/10/2024 15:15

But a woman dry humped him? Would he be happy if you did that to a man? I'd try to stick to your guns with this one.

Disturbia81 · 09/10/2024 13:51

Anon242308 · 16/07/2024 02:02

He came to see kids today and said he wanted to explain himself. Said he took the pills so he was hard for stripper when she gave him lap dance (basically dry humped him) but it was strictly no touching from him.He said because he wouldn't have gotten hard with using coke, that he'd felt less of a man. Also said my punishment doesn't fit his crime and that its not fair! He has apologised profusely and keeps telling me how much he loves me. I feel like he's cheated on me and he doesn't see it this way. He did admit he's a scumbag for what he's done. I'm still sticking with my decision to end the relationship. I'd only be taking him back out of pity or convenience at this point.

This is so gross.

Bearpawk · 09/10/2024 13:17

It's up to you whah your boundaries are and what you can forgive & forget but I couldn't come back from this.
Highly doubt he's telling you the whole truth either....

Strictlymad · 09/10/2024 13:10

cheddercherry · 14/07/2024 17:42

He’s obviously done both before to know that he’s need it that time. I don’t know why you’d need an erection for a public place if it’s just a dance in view of everyone so I would assume he’d done more privately. I’d obviously not trust a word that came out his mouth either way and no, I’d never want him to touch me again. Any embarrassment is his, you’ve done nothing wrong in wanting rid.

This

Naunet · 09/10/2024 13:00

He’s revolting. You’re having to buy the kids uniforms so that he can spend his money on drugs and being hard for strippers (if you believe his story that is, I think prostitutes is more likely)? What a selfish, morally repugnant creep.

Carrotpuree · 09/10/2024 12:35

I can only say that it sounds like you and your children deserve better, take some time to figure out how you feel. Deep breath as there will be the school run tomorrow, packed lunches and then tea. Life goes on, I hope you can reach out to a friend or family for support x

SendNoodles · 16/07/2024 23:05

notthefavourite · 16/07/2024 06:20

Regardless of whether he had sex with some one. The cocaine, viagra and private dance would be enough for me.

Also add in the unable to manage spending so you end up paying for your kids stuff and him telling you that you are punishing him too harshly!!

Good for you don't take him back!

Yes, this! And add liar to the list.

MrsSkylerWhite · 16/07/2024 22:39

The cocaine would be my red line. Sorry, OP. It’s over.

newleafontheplantjohn · 16/07/2024 22:37

God, I hate the lying.

It's all just so seedy and horrible and unnecessary.....yet somehow he's willing to blow his whole family apart for it

.....but also claim that it's YOU who's doing that by ending the marriage.

I'm so sorry, OP. It's a tale as old as time.

Sunnydiary · 16/07/2024 22:26

He’s had time to think of a good excuse and that bullshit is the best he could come up with?!!

He is lying.

You can’t trust him so the relationship is over. He’s not sorry, he’s just sorry he got found out.

Barryplopper · 16/07/2024 22:19

He's repulsive you've done the right thing x

wellwhatcanisaytothat · 16/07/2024 09:13

I do t necessary believe he even went to see a stripper.

That's just an easy answer.

Is he having an affair?

notthefavourite · 16/07/2024 06:20

Regardless of whether he had sex with some one. The cocaine, viagra and private dance would be enough for me.

Also add in the unable to manage spending so you end up paying for your kids stuff and him telling you that you are punishing him too harshly!!

Good for you don't take him back!

Catsmere · 16/07/2024 04:47

He’s a perverted abuser, using drugs and prostituted women. The punishment he deserves is far harsher than anything OP might have said.

Bluebirdover · 16/07/2024 03:57

Stay strong OP, as tough as it is.

XChrome · 16/07/2024 03:45

He's a dirty lying liarface who is fucking around, probably with prostitutes. Don't take him back. He's scum.

BettyBardMacDonald · 16/07/2024 02:50

He is a father of three and wanted to be "hard for a stripper.."????

This takes the fucking cake.

suburberphobe · 16/07/2024 02:14

Would It be unreasonable to end this relationship?

For finding Viagra and Cocaine?! Of course not, tells you all you need to know.

He's acting like an overgrown teenager.

Get proactive with the family money. You have kids and cannot trust him.

Lawyer up as they say on here.

Strangerthanfictions · 16/07/2024 02:07

User284732 · 14/07/2024 17:35

I'd assume he saw a sex worker, because taking Viagra for a strip club would mean embarrassing and unwanted public erection. I think the cocaine is a cover for money going missing for a sex worker. I wouldn't forgive it either. Can you check his Google location history to see where he went? I'm so sorry OP.

I think cocaine must be involved if he'd never had any sort of ED issues with OP, why else would he need the Viagra to get with a stripper if no ED?

Original poster
Anon242308 · 16/07/2024 02:02

He came to see kids today and said he wanted to explain himself. Said he took the pills so he was hard for stripper when she gave him lap dance (basically dry humped him) but it was strictly no touching from him.He said because he wouldn't have gotten hard with using coke, that he'd felt less of a man. Also said my punishment doesn't fit his crime and that its not fair! He has apologised profusely and keeps telling me how much he loves me. I feel like he's cheated on me and he doesn't see it this way. He did admit he's a scumbag for what he's done. I'm still sticking with my decision to end the relationship. I'd only be taking him back out of pity or convenience at this point.

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 15/07/2024 12:49

What a disgusting man he is OP.

You have done absolutely the right thing.

As a lone parent I can tell you it's a much better example to show your DC than the one currently, he seems to treat you as his support human and I'm sure you will be a way better role model for chucking him out.

lto2019 · 15/07/2024 11:59

Unfortunately, what he has 'admitted' to is likely to be the bare minimum as he needed to give an explanation and you knew it was viagra. Only you know what you are prepared to forgive but I think things like this fundamentally change your feelings forever and trying to limp on would just delay the inevitable and drag things out.
What is he bringing to the table? If he is a good dad or bringing in some money for the kids - those things can continue?
For me - more than anything and the other things are bad - it is the lying which would mean the end - the lying now and the lying by omission before.
You deserve better - he has not given you respect - you now need to take it back for yourself.

Getonwitit · 15/07/2024 10:09

He pre planned a visit to a brothel, that is all you need to know. Keep him out. You deserve better. He would have slept with you after sleeping with a prostitute and wouldn't have given a single fuck about passing on any disease. You deserve better and so do your children.