In-laws crashing vacation cause husband invited them

Deeply sorry for you, sounds hideous!!!!!! I hope you can successfully put some boundaries in place, very hard to know what to say..best of luck OP xx

So much is wrong here.

Your marriage is shit, your husband is useless, and you are any better when it comes to advocating for yourself. You just sat there and let his parents stay in your home for months?

Bonkers.

You tell SiL your kids are playing with their friends as pre arranged. If her kids can’t fit in then she will have to entertain them. It’s not your kids job to child mind hers if they’re too young to join in with all the other kids

“Sorry there is no room for your family on this trip” but happy to do a family one at a later date.

don’t have the time or capacity to learn a foreign language. And the few times we have been together he never translates anything so I sit there like I’m watching paint dry

If you can't be arsed learning the basics of your ILs language you're not really in a position to complain that you're excluded when they're chatting. You could easily learn the basics if you wanted

And they're not crashing anything - they were invited

I have further disliked his family, even the ones that speak English

You sound really unpleasant

You've arranged a break with parent friends and all the DC and your DH has invited grandparents and auntie who don't know the friends at all?
How are the friends feeling about this? You know that you will never be included in another group outing don't you?
Does your DH have any other issues with social norms?

Just realised your first post ended with asking what can you do if your sister in law reaches out, presumably you mean if she asks your kids to hang out with their little cousin. Can't you just speak the truth and say your kids want to hang out with their friends and they are older hence will be doing activities which little cousin will probably be too young to participate in? I assume the sister can speak your sole language i.e. English, since she lives in the US?

Honestly, they don't sound great (but this is purely from your post and you clearly hate them) and neither do you, OP.

The language part: you've been with your husband for 10 years (been with him for a year prior to having your children who is 9 yo I guess?) and you haven't managed to pick up any of the language at all? This sounds... difficult, and I feel like you deliberately chose not to learn because you resent the "foreign aspect" of your husband - why did you marry him? You don't like that he's "foreign", he doesn't seem to respect you, he doesn't communicate with you and leave everything up to you to do?

And have you never voiced out your resentment throughout your marriage, not even 'could you please translate what your parents just said' or you did and he ignored you? If so, I have to ask again, why are you still with him when he clearly doesn't listen to or respect you?

Also many posters have asked whether your kids being raised up as bilingual - you haven't answered this yet but if you're not I think it shows a lot about you and your constant need to emphasise "foreign" 🥴

One of your replies was about how you're only asking on this thread on "how to handle this trip" yet you dived into all that history - could very well just say your husband invited his family to an annual trip (but you said it was established this past year so is it annual?) with friends but you can't communicate with them and left it at that, so I'm wondering whether your post is really more for venting the "foreign-ness" of your in laws...

Yes, that jarred with me too. OP’s child is half-foreign yet it seems to be a problem and their culture is something she’s entirely uninterested in learning about.

@Allthegoodnamesarechosen yes. Because the ILs didn't choose to marry into another culture but OP did. And yes, it would be great if they learned some English but languages get more difficult as you age. I recently learned some of a very obscure language (for a holiday) and the native speaker who taught me was amazed because past 50 it's really difficult (and I only manage it because I have a knack for languages.

OP if you married into a Chinese family, you must have been aware that the entire basis of culture is different WRT family responsibilities. Money flows in a different direction, so does respect and responsibility.

My friend is currently divorcing a man whose parents are Chinese and she did everything right; learned Mandarin, was respectful and understanding of Mama, was happy to host them for weeks at a time. It wasn't enough and eventually it got too much for her.

Are the children learning Mandarin?

Your in-laws aren’t the problem here. Your husband is the problem because he is the one who is LITERALLY INVITING THEM. The parents haven’t done anything wrong. It’s not their fault your husband keeps inviting them - how are they supposed to know you’ve got a problem with them?

It sounds like you have, for some reason, married someone who has vastly different expectations of what’s acceptable in a marriage and who has completely different cultural norms from you. Why aren’t you actually discussing this with him? Why haven’t you made the effort to learn at least a little bit of his language? The whole relationship sounds completely dysfunctional.

Handle the trip in what way? It seems as though your husband has invited his family and you are expected to just get on with it.

What is your plan going forward? Your husband doesn't ask for your opinion on things that affect you, he does nothing at home. Are you just going to continue like this because if so, he's going to keep doing it

It does sound exhausting and I think OP has legitimate reasons to feel angry at her husband for not doing his fair share at home.

That said, I don't think being tired and busy is the reason OP hasn't learnt at least a limited amount of the language. As someone who comes from a biracial bilingual family, I know it would be very difficult not to soak up a few basics over a decade of marriage, no matter how busy you are. It's more likely to be because OP resents the situation she finds herself in. Refusing to learn the language is one way to express that resentment and maybe even to pressure the husband to do more (as his life will be harder if his wife and in-laws can't communicate, so it would be in his interest to deal with some of the causes of friction). As she doesn't like her in-laws, she also has no motivation to learn. I'm not saying that OP is doing this consciously, but this is how it's coming across to me (especially with the repeated emphasis that her in-laws are foreign, as if it's their nationality and not the unequal division of household responsibilities that's the issue here).

OP, you need to have a straightforward and honest conversation with your husband about how to change things. You're obviously tired out and he's not pulling his weight in the family, and from the sounds of it you don't communicate openly. You "think" he's funding his family's holiday, but this is the type of thing you should be discussing openly with him and that you should always know for definite.

I'm also getting the impression that there's a cultural mismatch in your expectations. For example, in some cultures it's the norm for parents who live at a distance to come and stay when a new baby arrives (especially if it's the couple's first baby), often for a very lengthy visit. This is how it is in Morocco where my mum is from. If the visiting parents went to stay with another relative instead and left the couple and their newborn on their own, it would be considered the height of rudeness. Is this the case in your DH's origin culture? If you were looking forward to quiet 1:1 time with your baby, this must have been a nightmare, but that might not have been something that naturally occurred to your in-laws - any more than it naturally occurred to you that they'd want to stay long-term.

The only way to work through cultural differences is through good communication, and that just isn't possible when there's a language barrier and an unwilling translator. You've said that your DH never translates what you say, so you can't really know how he's representing things to his parents. This isn't a sustainable way to live with someone.

Can your kids speak the language?

So OP, this is going to continue like this for several pages - could you speed things up by answering some questions? You've got a DH problem, what are you going to do? Why doesn't he respect you? Is there anything good about your marriage? Are you intending to just put up with this shitshow and complain about it? What do you actually want out of the thread?

I learnt the basics of Polish because our neighbour's wife was lovely and we wanted to play poker together.

I've learnt some Japanese phrases for an online game I play.

I'm hardly a genuine, it doesn't take much to learn just some basics if you wanted to.

But you couldn't even be bothered to learn your husbands language? Language tied into half of your own dc's culture?

If I were your friends Id be really pissed off that it had suddenly become an extended family trip - has your dh considered that? If dsil asks, then you need to be upfront about dc being with their friends and theyll be doing age appropriate things for themselves and you wont be minding anyone elses children so she will have to watch her own dc herself.
Harsh but true. Fh should be sorting this but seemingly you have a dh problem. He sounds clueless

You have a DH problem.

It appears that the OP doesn't have the time. She works full time and does all housework and parenting. Sounds exhausting.

Nobody invites family on. Friends holiday. Why did he do that?

he needs to sort this out and you need to make it clear that your kids will be with their friends and that this is his mess to sort out

Presumably you had at least a year after getting together before you had at least one of the children though?

OK, some basic questions for you, OP, to help me understand the context:

1. do you live in the UK?
2. where is your DH from and what languages does he speak?
3. are you bringing up your DC to be bilingual? (a great gift!)
4. have you tried learning some language, even if it's just in the car or in the background as you do something else?

I don’t have the time or capacity to learn a foreign language.

translation : can't be arsed to be polite and make the effort.