What the actual hell have I done? Massive mistake

Firm boundaries, you are not the free therapist. Check out 'Emotional Dumping'.

As others have said, she needs to find a job before she looks for a flat. No landlord is going to take her on while she is looking for a job/ doesn’t have a good few months of consecutive payslips/ proof of employment. Unfortunately you can’t accommodate subsidise her and she needs to rethink her plans until she is settled into employment.

This. It sounds like she is running away and wants a new start but without a job (and less likely to get one if she’s struggling emotionally and your city is more competitive)she is going to be with indefinitely.

If you stop it now you avoid getting stuck and feeling too guilty to ask her to leave when she is struggling later.

Oh This sounds like a nightmare in the making.

I'd be INCREDIBLY wary of anyone who ''cut off all ties'' with ALL of their family.

It sounds like a dramatic and not very mature thing to do.

I know a person who has trouble keeping house shares.

Keeps getting into disputes and it's never their fault.

One does wonder at the umpteenth house share if there might be a problem there, somewhere.

House sharing is very hard, especially if someone is going to be kicking about the house all day, and using you as an agony aunt.

Also the drinking.. NOPE.

Wouldn't want a drinker or smoker at my house.

I think you need to say that she needs a job first.

Otherwise she'll be in your house, tight as a tick, and you won't be able to oust her.

Yes it is and that's ok...you barely know one another.

What is it in you that thinks you would rather set yourself up for a long term pain in the arse lodger than possibly mildly offend the same by telling the truth?

Not many people would want a distant relative staying indefinitely.
Don't be such a jelly.

No job, no place to stay. It'd be a big fat no from me. There's no way she's moving out at the end of the month with no job lined up, and then what?

You also mention you have kids. Relative sounds like the sort of person who'll bring randoms home following a night out. Is that really the sort of thing you want to expose your children to?

You have said you would for a month so I think you should stick by this. It would be really unfair to change your mind. But that was on the assumption she would have a job. Say its sad but I really can't afford to support you financially to stay here if you have no money. I agree no job = no moving in.

Trouble!

Tell her you feel strongly it’s in her best interests to be financially stable prior to moving and due to concern for her you couldn’t encourage her to be in a state she finds so overwhelming.

I’ve reported too. How random.

I have reported the random unwanted poster that’s posted at 13.26.Not quoting nor shall I tag them

And the problem with that is...?

You have the perfect out now that her job is gone.
She hasn't a hope of renting in a tight market.
I think you need to choose your children. This is not fair on them.
You don't owe any family a month in your home to party.
Not a chance.
Bite the bullet.
You will be so relieved. It simply can't work.

Why has she cut ties with her whole family? Do you know the people she's cut ties with? If they're absolutely dreadful people I would help her. Otherwise I'd see it as a possible red flag along with the job loss and tell her she can't come and stay.

Here's what will happen.
She won't find a job.
You will be stuck with her.
The baggage that she comes with that made her family wash their hands of her will all be yours to deal with.

Do you want this scenario?
If not, tell her your situation has changed and your home is no longer available.

Do it soon so she can figure out an alternative.

You know there is no way she will find a job and a place to live within a month. If you let her move in you will feel even worse kicking her out after a month. This is the easier option, to just tell her now.

How old are your kids? This could be an important factor with a partying/vulnerable twenty something.

OP, someone is going to be upset and pissed off in this situation.

You or her? You get to choose who!

But the situation has changed though.

The situation has changed. She no longer has a job, which means she has no realistic prospect of living independently at the moment. Frankly I think it’s a bit cheeky of her to assume that you would still be willing to let her stay, given that it might be for a lot longer than the period initially agreed. If you’re already having misgivings this is your opportunity to say no, and stand firm.

Setting ground rules often comes up on MN but in practice I don’t think they work. It’s really difficult to predict what specific rules you need to set before someone moves in, so you end up being vague Eg. don’t get drunk, which is very difficult to define and easy to deny. Besides which it sets up negative expectations before the living relationship has even started, which hampers any good will.

I think in any situation in life if you find yourself drawing up ground rules for someone who isn’t your actual child then that is a sign you should avoid getting into the situation at all.

Tell her it will be fine once she has got a job. Frame it as useful advice for her (easier for her to make plans etc) rather than you are concerned that she will be hard work.

Just say that you have thought about it and it’s not going to work out with your kids and their holiday, since she now isn’t going to be out of the house working. Make no excuses.