What the actual hell have I done? Massive mistake

I've done this twice and it's really really fucking hard. My guests weren't particularly annoyed/ had bad habits, but it was just really uncomfortable. Definitely wouldn't recommend it, sorry.

yup, with no job and not ties to the area, zero chance.

If you're happy for her to stay if she's not emotionally dumping that's one thing but if you actually don't want ther to stay now her circumstances have changed that's another.

You could ask what her plan is "Now you're not working just wondering what you were thinking as you were planning to stay for a month while you found somewhere but if now you need to find a new job first then that's probably not going to work"

See what she says.

If she does stay and is emotionally draining just be honest about emotionally dumping. Tell her you will help her out by letting her stay but you have a routine - work, bed early, children etc and you do still need time for yourself.

I'd find it really hard having someone in my home and in my space every night.

Where is this person currently living, have they already given notice?
Will they even be able to continue living there without a job?

I would definitely back out and send the message @Springadorable wrote.

Can she babysit for you during summer holidays or smth ? Of course if u need childcare.
U need to set ground rules and stick to them. No coming later than x, no coming drunk, cleaning after herself, basic stuff...

Spring is bang on the money, @LemonCurdLucy . She can't possibly rent without a job; no landlord will touch her with a bargepole.

"Give me a ring when you've found your new job and I'll start keeping an eye out for rentals for you. You're still welcome to stay for a week or two once you start a new job until you get a moving date for a houseshare or flat."

If she tries to say she'll come to stay and look from yours, reply with, "that's unlikely to be sorted in under a month and it would be unfair on the kids to have someone staying in their home so long without a moving out date. It's just not practical. When you've got a new job sorted, ring me."

And then repeat ad nauseum in the face of her objections. "It's impractical" is vague enough not to have specific objections she can overcome whilst politely saying it's not possible.

If she keeps on at you, express sympathy with her difficult situation and that you hope it all resolves itself soon, but do not get sucked in to entertaining the idea that your home is the solution to her problems.

and what is wrong with that? I think its reasonable to accept someone as a short term lodger ie they lead their own life with limited facility sharing, but to not want to be a longer term host. ie they share your space and you interact with them socially.

I wouldn't let her stay without a job to go to. She will be living in an expensive area without a job - why would you want to accommodate her? The fact you have children in the house makes it even less likely you'd want this.

"I've been thinking - you're better keeping your options open about jobs - you may well not find one in this area. It's better if you find a job then figure out somewhere to live. If you find one here and have to wait a couple of weeks to move into a new flat then of course you can stay here, but I can't offer an open-ended invitation, sorry, as I have friends coming from Another Country who will be here in a month's time."

Exactly my thoughts.

OP will be the next ''Baddie'' this girl goes ''no contact'' with, and it's really hard to oust someone from your house, emotionally at least.

Sh won't have any ''rights'' to stay there, but my goodness, she will make life difficult for you in trying to ask her to leave when her feet are under the table.

When you are away in the summer hols, whose to know who she will be inviting over??

A whole house to herself!

Don't do it.

This! She's said "one month" to get her foot in the door, but in reality there is no end date and not a chance of getting her out within a reasonable period of time. If you can't bring yourself to put a stop to this now when you have a good "out" how on earth are you going to remove her from your home once she's firmly ensconced?

You will almost certainly be the next person she goes "no contact" with once you do eventually manage to get rid of her, and everything leading up to and including getting her out will be twisted round to be your fault in her eyes.

I honestly don’t think it’s fair to do this to your children. It’s a situation that you already know is likely to be messy.

I think like a previous pp suggested, you have to kindly tell her that without her having a job, coming to stay for a month is just not feasible. Due to her vulnerability, she may not have property considered the impracticality of this arrangement. Point out that she won't be able to find a place to rent without a secure job, you aren't able to help out for longer than a month due to other commitments. Tell her to come back to you when she's found work and you can discuss it then.

I would definitely send something along the lines of what @Springadorable & @RhiWrites suggested as soon as you can. Then stick with it when the pleading starts...🚩

Single woman on her own probably wouldn't be a priority for housing I would imagine

This!

' feel like it's going to be a month of late nights, her talking at me endlessly, coming home drunk and me picking up the pieces.'

Only if you let her walk all over you.

You call the shots and make it clear that there is a nighttime curfew so that you're not disturbed. No coming home drunk or drinking in your home. Giving you space when you need it. Etc

Lock away valuables and access to money as she is unemployed.

You do not have to tolerate anything you don't want to.

I think the girl was the one who went ''No contact''....probably as her parents were sick of her behaviour.

OP, please think of your own children.

It's not fair on them.

Perfect. There is no way I would be agreeing to this-there is no end point and no guarantee she will find a job.

No job, nowhere to stay, no family ties. You must be prepared that you will never get rid of her. You don't have to do this. You can be supportive without letting her move in for an indefinite amount of time.

If you want to go through with it, you need an unmovable reason why she has to be out in a month.

Do not let her move in. End of. You are not her DPs who have gone no contact with her. The logistics of the arrangement have changed.

I don’t think it is a realistic option. Council houses can take years to get, there is thousands of people on the waiting list in every authority. If you turn up to the council offices with your bags and wait until the end of the day, they are legally obliged to put the person up in a b&b or similar, and being officially homeless will get you up the list. But it will still be months and months in grotty emergency or temporary accommodation, if not longer

Exactly that.

Strange men blundering about pissed-

She has never lived independently before?? Yet has fallen out with the family I presume she is staying with??

WHY were they fed up with her?

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

OMG no job! Do NOT let her move in. You will NEVER get her out. My mum’s brother moved in for a month and stayed for 6 YEARS 😱

You have a clear choice right now. You either have one slightly awkward conversation now, or you allow her to move in and you and your family live in torment for the foreseeable future. The lost job is a gift to you. Grasp it with both hands and take it.

Plus, by having the awkward conversation now, you can show your young relative that we can have awkward conversations and not fall out, nobody dies and we can still maintain a civil relationship. You’ll be teaching her a valuable life lesson.