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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dig up the patio and put dh under it?

171 replies

Summerinspringtime · 14/07/2024 10:47

*lighthearted
Obviously I won’t do it. The grounds too hard for a start!
So I’ve just returned home to find the washing machine on with all my white clothes in PLUS ds grey fleece and other none whites.
Dh has done it. I asked him what the grey item in with my whites was and he replied oh your grey fleece I guess. Turns out it’s ds’s dark grey fleece.
I have specifically told dh to not wash my white clothes after he ruined ever white item he washed previously.
He turned all my underwear a dirty grey colour and I could never restore it back to white.
So now I see my brand new white bra in there! The one I replaced my old one with after he ruined it!
Do not reply with how lucky I am to have a dh who can work a washing machine. I’ve worked 6 days this week. Dh will be off for the next 3 days.
He says I’m ungrateful.
I say he should wash only whites or leave my stuff the fuck alone.
Seriously I bought all new underwear after the last time.

OP posts:
Anewuser · 14/07/2024 12:33

I hardly ever come on here but this is the second weekend I’ve read the same problem.

DO YOUR OWN BLOODY WASHING.

LittleRedYarny · 14/07/2024 12:32

AlienShmalien · 14/07/2024 10:51

There is an obvious solution to this and I don't understand why you haven't thought of it.

Leave the hose running overnight on a secluded part of the garden and the ground will soften up nicely.

And when finished plant rare and endangered plants in that area so the area can’t be trampled or dug up willy-nilly!

ExtraOnions · 14/07/2024 12:32

is separating clothing still a thing ? I’ve not known anything “run” since the 80s. Better dyes, better fixing, lower temp washing has put paid to it

Businessflake · 14/07/2024 12:32

PussInBin20 · 14/07/2024 12:17

I feel your pain OP. It took me literally years to get DH not to wash my clothes! I even stuck a sign on the washing machine at one point demanding he did not wash mine or DD’s clothes but he still did it.

He didn’t seem to get that I wanted my clothes not to be ruined. He never read the instructions so everything went in together on the same wash (even delicates).

It took me having a huge meltdown for him to stop washing my clothes. I didn’t get it, I mean how hard is it NOT to wash someone’s clothes?

I have the same conversation with my cleaner, again and again. But she can’t help herself. If there’s laundry in the washer she puts it all in the dryer despite me telling her never to touch it again. (And yes, I’m aware I should just fire her).

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 14/07/2024 12:31

AlienShmalien · 14/07/2024 10:51

There is an obvious solution to this and I don't understand why you haven't thought of it.

Leave the hose running overnight on a secluded part of the garden and the ground will soften up nicely.

Genius 😂 and also duly noted!

Nellieinthebarn · 14/07/2024 12:31

I've always wanted a have a go on a mini digger, I believe they are quite reasonable to hire.

Objectionhearsayspeculation · 14/07/2024 12:30

HelenaWaiting · 14/07/2024 11:44

AIBU to not understand where people are getting all this non-colourfast clothing from?

YANBU everything goes in together here, nothing separated, nothing ruined

Businessflake · 14/07/2024 12:29

WingsofRain · 14/07/2024 11:06

Why does it matter what colour bras are? I replace mine when they don’t fit any more or if they fall apart, I’m not wearing them on the bus to work, so nobody is going to care if they aren’t dazzlingly white. 🤷‍♀️

I don’t care what colour they are, as long as they are the colour they are supposed to be.

I’m with you OP. Silently raging that OH chucked a few random white things in with a dark load on Friday. My new white vest tops will now be relegated to sleepwear and replaced with new (again).

quantumbutterfly · 14/07/2024 12:28

Black underwear will never go grey. otoh white school shirts are a pain in the arse.

tuvamoodyson · 14/07/2024 12:26

WingsofRain · 14/07/2024 11:06

Why does it matter what colour bras are? I replace mine when they don’t fit any more or if they fall apart, I’m not wearing them on the bus to work, so nobody is going to care if they aren’t dazzlingly white. 🤷‍♀️

It matters to some people, me included. If you’re happy with greying underwear, that’s up to you, personally I prefer my whites to be dazzlingly white, regardless if they are being seen by the general public or not.

katebushh · 14/07/2024 12:26

Plot your revenge well.

Pixiedust1234 · 14/07/2024 12:24

I'm free when the football is on, and i like gardening. Can you put the hose on now for an hour?

Mine never used the washer until I stopped doing his but he was/is first class at weaponised incompetence and insinuating I'm ungrateful. I'm a house sale away from freedom otherwise I would have asked if there was space...

reesewithoutaspoon · 14/07/2024 12:23

Its the tail end of death cap season, but you might have to get a hurry on

quantumbutterfly · 14/07/2024 12:22

wastingtimeonhere · 14/07/2024 12:19

Rare, protected species, can't be dug up..😉

Show quote history

Are you my sister-in-law?😁

PandorasBoxers · 14/07/2024 12:20

Marcipex · 14/07/2024 12:15

YANBU
My son in law washed the pretty cath kidson clothes I bought for baby granddaughter in with his new black jeans. I think he did it on purpose.

What a dick

wastingtimeonhere · 14/07/2024 12:19

quantumbutterfly · 14/07/2024 12:12

Plant a fruit tree over him instead. Patios are too much effort.

Rare, protected species, can't be dug up..😉

wastingtimeonhere · 14/07/2024 12:18

Is there room for another under the patio, DH put a t-shirt of mine in the tumble dryer and shrunk it

  1. Why the tumble, we have a line outside
  2. it was a gift, so I can't get another
  3. The label says, "No tumble dry."
  4. Not the first item ruined because he can't be bothered to check- repeat offence
PussInBin20 · 14/07/2024 12:17

I feel your pain OP. It took me literally years to get DH not to wash my clothes! I even stuck a sign on the washing machine at one point demanding he did not wash mine or DD’s clothes but he still did it.

He didn’t seem to get that I wanted my clothes not to be ruined. He never read the instructions so everything went in together on the same wash (even delicates).

It took me having a huge meltdown for him to stop washing my clothes. I didn’t get it, I mean how hard is it NOT to wash someone’s clothes?

Marcipex · 14/07/2024 12:15

YANBU
My son in law washed the pretty cath kidson clothes I bought for baby granddaughter in with his new black jeans. I think he did it on purpose.

Onemoreterm · 14/07/2024 12:13

I have never allowed my DH to use the washing machine. It is advanced kit and above his pay grade. He understands his limitations.

He can use oven, hob, air fryer with great success. And on many occasions far better than me.

quantumbutterfly · 14/07/2024 12:12

Plant a fruit tree over him instead. Patios are too much effort.

ThinWomansBrain · 14/07/2024 12:07

I never separate whites, never had things shrink - I have one white sheet that's years old that looks as if the colour is a bit off.
Maybe if he just learned not to select a boil wash for everything?

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 14/07/2024 11:57

He needs natural consequences, like a toddler. It's the only way he'll learn.

So his job now is to fix it, that means buying new replacements for everything he's ruined. He can look at the labels for sizes and makes, don't do it for him. It's his fuckup to fix.

If he wrecks stuff, and you shout about it, but then you fix it, of course he'll just shrug and say it's no big deal. Because it's not, is it, to him? He's not been inconvenienced at all and the housework fairy has fixed it all.

SeatonCarew · 14/07/2024 11:55

Scammersarescum · 14/07/2024 11:05

He's done it on purpose.

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh or cynical but I guarantee it is what has happened.

He's ruined stuff before so he knows to be careful but he hasn't bothered.

That coupled with his insistence that you should be grateful for him doing his share of household chores rather than him apologising shows where his thoughts on this lie.

He sees the domestic grunt work as your job and resents doing it. He cannot possibly see you as an equal or respect you if he feels that domestic servitude is your task.

I've spent my life working in male dominated industries with very few women and I've heard men joke on many many occasions about what they do to get out of chores.

This, 100%.

NalafromtheLionKing · 14/07/2024 11:54

Meh 🤷‍♀️ not really patio territory.