Money on maternity leave

Not the point of the post but you should be paying bills in proportion to your wages surely. Eg he earns double what you do, then he pays double the bills that you do. Not sure what your net salaries are but 60:40 split sounds unfair

Agree.

While I think it's reasonable to expect he pays his share of mat leave related expenses, this one is also quite a small amount in the grand scheme of things. There'll be lots more coming up and they need to be fairly split.

You need to discuss more. The baby classes are the least of it.

Does he benefit from having a car and you driving him? Are you going to end up doing more of the childcare drop offs etc as well?

How is childcare being split when you go back to work?

Agree with pp that you should be splitting EVERYTHING as a proportion of your wages. E.g. if you're both working and he's earning 70% of your combined wages, then he should be paying 70% of all bills, childcare, etc. If you (OP) are earning nothing for a period of time, then during that time he should be paying 100% of all costs.

Do not fall into the habit of paying for all child related expenses out of your own pocket - it's his baby too!!

Really should have had this conversation before having a child, especially as you’d had money issues with him before, but I guess you knew what you were getting into here. It seems he thinks it’s your job to pay for your baby, so it looks like you won’t be able to take those last 3 months of maternity leave as you can’t make him pay up unfortunately. Although you also can’t force him to split the cost of childcare once you’re back at work either, so you need to plan for how you’re going to cover that should he refuse. Did you give the baby his name too despite not being married?

1. Joint funds, at least forming expenses such as the baby's needs and "wants".

Or

1. Charge him for childcare for looking after his baby's

NB: when you go back to work, do not let him steamroller you into thinking that nursery/childminder fees need to come out of your salary alone.

The bigger issue is the way that you split all of your finances. If you are receiving child benefit and he earns double the amount you do then presumably you are on a low income? You should be paying a lower % of bills if you really are a team.

Unless you have the luxury to be able to save it all I don’t see a problem spending child benefit money on swimming lessons though.

The best way to discuss this is that you are about to start paying a nursery bill which will be enormous, therefore need to decide how to pay for it

Child benefit should go into the family pot to pay for the child, do actually swimming lessons is a really sensible use of that money.

But, but, but, but the basic point that you should both have the same disposable income after bills is such an important principle in a partnership.

If you have no money, then clearly you need to rebalance input and he needs to pay more

It seems like you were financially seperate before the baby and with your unusual maternity package, nothing changed but now it's reducing your income by half, you've realised you're going to be in a worse position.

Have you had the conversation with him yet about money? Nursery fees for when you are back at work, time off if child is sick etc?

If he refuses to pay £95, he's in for a big shock when he sees the cost of nursery.

I don't see a problem using the child benefit, that's the point of it and not many families are in a position to be able to save it either.

Stop driving him in your car unless he pays £95 for the privilege for the same period of the term of classes.

I also pay for the car as it’s mine and he doesn’t drive

Dies he ever benefit from the car? Cheaper and more convenient groceries because you aren't buying from the corner shop? A lift to work when it's wet? Visits to his parents and days out?

But agree with PP, have these conversations before the situations happen. When you talk about it in abstract it is a lot easier to be reasonable and logical with each other. When you are in the situation, it's so much harder to talk without getting emotive.
(Also good for identifying red flags pre- baby!)

Especially if not married etc and have limited protection.

Surely all child costs should be split along the same line as however you agree to split bills.
If you are earning half (or nothing) for a period, then surely you need to adjust the % contributions accordingly?

And if you are on tax credits you are on a.low income and will also be about to have to move to universal credit.

Universal credit will look at household income and will expect there to be a single household budget. It won't be your money and his money

Why on earth do women have children with men ,who they have argued about money with.

You are now a family. You need to pay all bills, and that includes costs for the children, jointly

Are you sure you should be getting tax credits if he earns double your salary? Surely that means he's on a decent income?

@BlueMum16

Because the OP has a good package she will not have been on Stat Mat pay or 0 pay like others. This means she has had access to 'normal' wages for a very good amount of time. If they are used to 50/50 split then nothing really has changed except this class being a big deal to her. He is not saying he won't pay he is saying use the child benefit (I'm guessing this not tax credits) which is fair!

Yes parents should pay equally bit its one class and she is attending for fun, not him. Let him book a weekend one and take the baby for 50/50 balance too!

I wonder if OP might mean child benefit? The only people who could get child tax credit now with a first child are those who were previously on working tax credits, which would be really unlikely for a couple with no DC and the information OP has given

You must both be low earners to be receiving child tax credits (I didn't even know you could start a new claim for this) so I'd say you may need to knock the classes on the head. He's probably quite concerned about money.

But everything should be shared or at least 50/50 now you have a child.

If you are in receipt of child tax credits you must both be on a fairly low income already. Maybe your partner is worried the classes aren’t affordable as well as covering the other bills from his wages, what is he actually paying from his wages in terms of bills?

he should be paying half of all the children's costs generally - and more when your pay is reduced. Why are you supposed to pay for them?

I can't see a problem with using money intended to benefit the baby, for the baby.

Pool resources with DH.

I can’t see an issue with using the savings for the class - but isn’t there a much bigger issue here, like how are you going to pay for rent, bills etc whilst you’re on statutory maternity pay? Is your DP going to cover all that? I really hope you’re going back to work full time and splitting childcare costs evenly with DP.