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AIBU?

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Original poster

No gift from wealthy father

39 replies

User24692 · 14/07/2024 03:29

Recently had my first baby. During my pregnancy my DF’s wife (my step mother) asked what we needed for the baby and I gave some suggestions (varying in budget from £30-£150).

My baby is now 6 weeks old and we haven’t received a gift from my DF and his wife. They are incredibly well off and I’m hurt that they haven’t even spent £5 buying my baby, their grandson, a present. They have great nieces and nephews on my step mother’s side who get spoiled rotten with gifts, trips and days out.

There’s no backstory regarding my relationship with my DF and step mother.

AIBU to feel hurt?

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 14/07/2024 06:58

DoAClassicCamel · 14/07/2024 06:50

At Weddings people say your presence is more important than presents. Is it not the same for a new baby? Do you actually need anything?

Do you know any grandparents who bought nothing for their GC? Do you know any parents, whose children don't out earn them, got married and the parents contributed nothing?
OP I'd go with the suggestion about asking if anything was posted/ordered because if so, it hasn't arrived.

malificent7 · 14/07/2024 06:56

It's thevprinciple though isn't it? What is wrong with these wealthy folk who don't help their families? On mn however we are told " it's their money." In reality it hurts.

Poolstream · 14/07/2024 06:55

Just tell your df that you’re opening a bank account for the baby should he wish to give anything.
Then carry on and enjoy your lovely baby.

surlycurly · 14/07/2024 06:54

I'd say 'not sure if you were still planning on getting the little one something but we need a ... if that helps. If not then no worries.' And send that to your dad/ SM. And I'd be hurt too if it was me.

DoAClassicCamel · 14/07/2024 06:50

At Weddings people say your presence is more important than presents. Is it not the same for a new baby? Do you actually need anything?

Itsallfunngamesuntil · 14/07/2024 06:36

When I next see them I'd say....oh dad and step mum I had a lovely conversation with step mum 3 weeks ago re xx or xx or xxx for baby.

We haven't received anything yet n just wanted to make sure it hadn't got lost in post/with courier'
.....you know how awful these companies are these days

A graceful way of pointing out their behaviour has been awful

WaltzingWaters · 14/07/2024 06:30

You’re right to be hurt. I hope he steps up soon.

dunroamingfornow · 14/07/2024 06:24

That is really poor. So they came to meet their grandchild and didn't bring anything? Not even an outfit or a soft toy? I would be very hurt by that

Original poster
User24692 · 14/07/2024 06:20

Yes they’ve met him a few times.

You’re right regarding g him passing the responsibility to my step mother. She is the one who purchases birthday and Christmas gifts for my siblings and I. She has been in our life for 20 years or so, so I am disappointed that even she hasn’t made the effort to get the baby something to be honest.

OP posts:
PaterPower · 14/07/2024 06:17

I would put money on this being down to your Dad relying / assuming / palming off responsibility onto your SM to be his social secretary.

She’s probably passed on your suggestions to your Dad and left him to crack on with buying it (absolutely as she should, IMO, you’re his daughter) and he’s relied / assumed / mentally palmed it off on her and done nothing.

The nieces etc on her side are bought for because they’re her responsibility and she remembers / bothers to do it. This is your Father being crap.

AngharadM · 14/07/2024 06:16

Sounds like your father hasn't stepped up yet, while your stepmother has made an effort for her family.

How are you going to encourage your father to do his bit rather than delegating the wife work to the unrelated woman?

Honestly? You need to let him know you would like him to put himself out with your family to the same extent she does, rather than the expectation of managing your relationship fall on the stepmother (who will be at risk of 'overstepping' unless she's providing on demand babysitting).

Birdseyetrifle · 14/07/2024 06:04

Yes that’s shit op. No wonder you are hurt.

notnowmarmaduke · 14/07/2024 06:02

your baby doesnt need anything from them. At this stage any gift is really for you. the next 3 years will show how close they want to be to him

Hesma · 14/07/2024 05:54

Congratulations. Have they been to visit you and meet him yet? If not then maybe they’re waiting to bring something when they visit. If they have then I find it bizarre!

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