No gift from wealthy father

My mil was unbelievably overbearing during my pregnancy and strong armed me into a baby shower, when I hate them. (We did one just my FH’s side. She came to the baby shower and went on and on about how she was going to buy the car seat.

Shocker, she never did. Just wanted the glory of having said she did. She also got to visit the baby first (we knew she’d kick off if someone from my side did), she arrived empty handed. Said to me, I’d have brought flowers but I’m sure others will. Yes others did. And bought kindness and joy into our lives too. I’m no contact and life is so much nicer.

have you had a conversation with your father about why his first family are treated second best? I would and based on that reevaluate the effort I put into him. It’s not about the present, it’s the abundance for your step mother’s family and the deficit for you and your siblings

Yes my mum didn't buy anything for 3 of mine.

It hurt.

This is your father. Can you not actually have a conversation with him about this?
It would be expected that your parent would buy a gift, so I'd be frank and say 'hey, dad, we could really use a Baby Bjorn sling (or whatever). We'd be thrilled if you could give that to us as a baby gift'? Or as mentioned upthread (and a really good idea): 'hey we've opened a savings account in X's name, here are the account details if you'd like to gift him/her something for the future'. If he comes back with 'oh I'm sure (his wife) is sorting something', say 'well she hasn't yet and we'd love a Baby Bjorn/would appreciate any gift for baby's future'.
Not sure why people are going on about being passive aggressive or graceful or whatever - this is your parent just ask him!

There is nothing remotely graceful about asking where a gift is.

You say they benefit massively which would suggest that it would be obvious to everyone that your SM family is favoured financially. Have you or your siblings ever raised the inequity regarding gifts etc with your father?

Maybe when you were asked by SM and suggested gifts from £30-£150 you should have been more direct saying “can you get us a xyz please?”

Wankers. I bought a nice gift for my next door neighbours new baby because I was happy for them and your own father can't be bothered. Don't spend time with people who don't make you happy. It took me years to learn that. I'm a lot happier now.

Step mothers family benefit massively from DFs wealth, my siblings and I don’t.

That must be really galling. But just to play devil's advocate, step mothers family also benefit massively from the fact she can be bothered to sort presents etc, and you benefit slightly (in the past at least you said she'd sorted your gifts too). So the core issue is your father not being bothered enough to buy his daughters gifts... which beyond sucks, I get that!

@DoAClassicCamel good job OP didn't ask for a pram then?

Has the OP not got a pram? To expect someone else to buy one of the most expensive items is extremely presumptuous. Even if they are wealthy.

It’s terrible that they haven’t even got a card and a small plush or keepsake, doesn’t need to be expensive.

lol I guess the baby doesn’t mind walking everywhere

I can't remember if my mum bought anything for the babies when I gave birth, I'm sure she must have because it would have been strange for her not to, but I don't remember what it was.

What I do remember is the fresh bacon rolls and coffee she brought round with her when she came to visit us, and the mountain of laundry she cracked on with while there.

When you DF and DSM have been round, have they helped in other ways?

You're not being unreasonable to be disappointed though, especially when you see the children on your step mums family being showered with gifts.

@notnowmarmaduke of course let baby sleep in a cardboard box, doesn't matter. Stop being so obtuse!

You're clearly as mean spirited as the GPs in this scenario.

Baby needs nothing, so don't bother?

Clearly upset their DD, but she's the one being unreasonable?

No wonder you're hurt. You've been relegated to second family behind your step mums. At least you know that now and can start coming to terms with it All your dad's wealth will pass down SMs side.

That would be weird and obviously fishing where the gift is.

I think @Spirallingdownwards is right and they’re waiting for a christening.

Actually yes I know people who out earned their parents before they married and before they had children. I don't see what this has to do with the OP's situation. But even those grandparents bought a gift for their grandchild even if they didn't contribute to a wedding

Asking of anything was posted is so passive aggressive. Ugh. Just say you know you asked what you could buy us well we could really do with a (rocking chair/nappy bin/playpen/insert gift of choice).

I don’t understand this. Knitting morn?

My PIL didn’t get our children anything when they were born. Oh no, we got a card. It was 25 years ago but I don’t remember it being an issue. My parents gave a shawl that my mum crocheted.

The mother wants these things, the baby doesn't care

Do you think knitting morn for GP not to give a gift? Really?

Maybe they are expecting a christening and will be anticipating making a gift then.

If he is very wealthy maybe he has set up some form of trust fund?

Has your mum and your partner's parents bought prams and cots etc because often parents do that? If the other sets of parents have done that maybe he was disappointed that you hadn't let him do a more meaningful gift (in his eyes) and let them and had listed things as low as £30 for him to get, hence minimising his grandfather role if letting other parents buy the big ticket items parents often get.

These are just suggestions. But if there is still something you absolutely need for the baby then why not call him and say SM was asking about things we need for (baby). We could really do with a (insert item) now. Would you be able to get that? Would you like to choose or shall I have a look and send you a couple of links of ones I like?

I agree that SM probably told your dad and either he is crap at life work or got the hump that other parents have been allowed to provide the traditional good stuff!

Rubbish!

Lots of things are needed for the baby

Pram
Sling
Bouncy chair
Perfect prep if bottle feeding
Muslins
Moses basket

Really poor shoe OP, if they are that wealthy that could afford something really useful.

I understand but its on your dad...shes not your mum. Its nice if she did but your dad is your blood.
I did this for 25 years .. bought OH family presents whilst he sat doing nothing and expecting me to do it..so i stopped. I was teaching him rather than his family. Your family...you do it. Maybe your dad expects her to do it and shes fed up with him expecting her to do that invisible labour.

However, i would ring and say i know you mentioned what id like for baby a while ago...and find something you want for baby..tell them where its from price etc. be straight up.