To be up to here with older generation's attitude to car seats

Unfair to generalise like this. When my children were driven around by PIL or my own parents, they always used car seats correctly and would regularly ask us to check everything was still fitted correctly. Both sets of grandparents were super careful about up to date car safety for all their grandchildren. And I don't know any grandparents being careless or not following the correct advice,
Your parents are clearly an exception, they simply do not comprehend the importance of this. Maybe you can find some YouTube videos to show them some car seat safety tests, to make them see sense?

Not just older but younger to.
I the designated driver, was being bullied into taking a family child in my car without a seat as the car was full capacity, the MOTHER said to me "oh it is fine just pop them on the lap of so and so! Uuuuuuuh no! The mother built up hope for the child and tried to guilt trip me when the child cried and I refused.
Trying to push their child on us to have a break and be child free and this journey is 1.5hrs on the Motorway for 60% of the way.

TBH OP I've seen some horrendous advice on here and other social media with parents millennial and younger choosing to make their life easier by buying an unsafe car seat or refusing to one once they've been educated on the dangers because their child their choice. I think it comes down to either people are too stupid to understand why it's important or they don't care because they don't see children as individuals entitled to their own safety above convenience.

I saw an interview with a father of a young child, I think she was 3/4? Head on collision only going 30mph but she was forward facing and died. Had she been rear facing she'd have survived. Always sticks with me, it's so so sad how avoidable it can be.

Well yes, because it is. I’m old enough to remember before seat belts were compulsory and child seats weren’t used. I think the behaviour described is appalling.

The quick way to deal with it is just to say the kids can't go in their cars. Just tell them you are aware they find the car seats frustrating so you are leaving it until they are tall enough not to need a seat.

if you refuse to put up with their shit what can they actually do? You say strong characters but put your foot down. When they mutter ask them to repeat what they said. When they do it wrong correct them, if they do it wrong again, then their child in their car privileges are revoked. I am presuming as you have In laws that you have a partner? Do they support you? Yes okay have a rant on here but go fix the issue!

Your generalising is very ageist.

Grandparent here with rear facing isofix car seat in my own car for DGC opportunities. Always strapped my own DC's in with best available car seats in the 1980's 1990's. Please don't insult all older GP's with the incompetency of your own family.

I hear you. My parents are in their seventies and super switched on in most ways. They’re very proud of having adhered to the car seat standards of their days and don’t dispute the need for car seats for a minute - but they seem to struggle to accept those standards have changed, especially around RF/ERF. My youngest was ERF to age 4 and you’d think it was a form of abuse. Especially as DSis chose to FF her 15 month old.

My mother is the same. Need to upgrade my 15month baby car seat and she thinks it's OK to.go front facing. I've offered to buy a seat for her (rear facing) amd she says it won't fit in her car.

Says she only takes them (4 yrs, 15mnth) short distances so its not really a factor.

I get really upset about it.

Well if the cap fits. Why is ageism ok on MN when other forms of discrimination and generalisation are not?

I am 61, no grandkids but I am a foster carer to an almost 4 year old, out of all of his peer group he is the only one who is in a plus tested car seat and is still rear facing when he does use a car seat (he is usually forward facing in his wheelchair and that makes me very uncomfortable as he is a long way of the minimum weight that the seat belt is tested on). All of his peers have parents much younger than I am and I am seen as being anal about car seat safety. All of my little ones who live with me have always been in a rear facing seat, no coats, straps suitably tightened. Guess us older generation can't win! 😀

Send a generic message to all of them saying your dc won't be available for day trips this summer until you can be assured they take their safety seriously.. My ils were never allowed our dc in their car.
Mil wore her glasses to assist fil with the driving.
I once got into the car with mil to drive the mile into our town. She never got past second gear..
I got the bus home.

I brought my firstborn home from hospital on my lap on the front seat in '78. We drove around with him in an unsecured carrycot on the rear seat. We drove my very poorly gran home from Yorkshire flat out on an eiderdown in the back of our estate car. It didn't feel wrong because we never used seat belts. I can't believe how careless we were with such precious lives 😢

Op: I’m so sorry you’re in this situation with your parents & in-laws, it must be so draining.

Then use your words... these are your kids.
As a grandmother I am saying.. if they are not respecting your rules, they dont get to see/travel with your kids....

Problem solved.

This is not a battle they should win.

I know it's been said OP, but I'll say it again, because your thread title is awful. To state that 'the older generation' risk children's lives through lack of car seat safety is terrible. Honestly, would you say that about any other demographic of society on the basis of knowing a couple of people who did it?

I am probably the age you are referring to? 60s? I wouldn't have dreamed of taking my DS in a car without a car seat.

My parents in the other hand ....... But to be fair I don't think car seats were really a thing back then. I am not even sure our car even had seat belts in the back. Certainly never used them. I spent most journeys lying on my back with my feet on the window

I think the problem is your parents. What did they do when you were a child?

I find your comments about older people hurtful. I'm only in my fifties and the technology around car seats has changed multiple times since my eldest DC were born.

I survived a car accident as a baby that killed two others and I don't need your foul ageism.

I’m 61 and look after my grandchildren occasionally - I’m absolutely meticulous about car seat safety, as I was with my own children who were born in the 1980’s.

My grandchild is in the back of my car in the car seat that his parent chose, that his parent fitted and adjusted and that I ask their parent to check on a regular basis.
As PP stated ... you have a parent/ inlaw problem.

Just to be clear.

My dc were born in the 80s and we were extremely careful about car seats. I am nearly 70 and I do resent being lumped in with ignorant people. I have seen young parents speeding on the motorway with children loose in the car. It isn't fair to generalise. As for your parents, op, be grateful you haven't inherited their lack of common sense.

I am in my late 50's. As a child my parents had us in harnesses in the car, a bit like the ones worn in racing cars. These were bought and not homemade. My children were all in car seats as required by Law and I respect my children's instructions as to what car seats my grandchildren need to be in and would neither complain or comment negatively on this.

YANBU to be concerned over the attitudes of your parents but YABU to be so ageist. You’ll be old one day, and you’ll be even more furious than you are about the car seats, if somebody presumes to judge you and write you off because of your age.