WTF is it with people and “cuddling” new born babies.

It's all very well ranting on here, but maybe you need to locate your spine in real life and tell people you need a break from visitors for a bit!

It's just people bonding with the newest members of your "tribe". When you need help looking after them, or they are older and enjoy having additional people about, playing or learning things from them, you'll see more benefits. Congratulations on your new baby op x

I am with you. My son was born in COVID and when he was tiny certain family members wanted cuddles and to pass him round like a toy. Whether he was awake or asleep it was all about them, without any consideration to him.
I even got pressurised to express some breast milk in order that one of them could feed him.

Then he gets slightly older and peoples interest levels faded quicker than he loses interest in his own toys.
Accept people who genuinely care for him and you, and will be there in the long term not just those who want to have a sniff of your lovely baby.

The birth of a baby is magical and the most wonderful thing and people want to share in the miracle of life and family are overjoyed that their family has been lucky enough to be able to produce miracles, not even family can.

I'm totally with you here 100%!
I didnt allow visitors to come to ours. I would visit them when I felt up to it. My lb is nearly 5 months and apart from my partner my dd13 and I no one has changed his nappy or fed him. Hes bottle fed breast milk.
My biggest annoyance is when people say pass me my baby then, or won't give me him back when he cries or I have places to be. I do remind them that infact I birthed MY baby and if I say I want him back hand him over immediately!
Now he's getting bigger people aren't as interested but it still grinds on me massively!

Ach, I’m 7 months pregnant and was on the phone to my sister the other day… I told her I might not even tell people when we have the baby because I don’t want anyone descending on our doorstep uninvited until we’re ready to invite them. As a mother to two young children, she understood completely and wholeheartedly agreed with that stance, and then said: “Well except for us, you’ll tell us because we want to be the first to come and see her, and I’ve already told [my toddler niece] that she’ll be the first person to cuddle her new cousin.” Noooooo 😭😭😭

I agree!!! Just don’t have visitors though or say no to them holding the baby. It’s all your choice!

Quite a few of us have sore tits and Fanny. And we don’t even have a cute cuddlable baby to show for it. And we don’t take it out on other women by calling them Karens.

Having said that, have you only just had your baby? If so, then, yes, time to yourself with your baby, without family fussing around is what you need, and this needs pointing out. Once you’ve had a bit of time, then by all means, family will want to see the new arrival, and make a fuss. If at this point, you still find it a no no, then get that wine bottle open 😂. Congratulations on your new arrival, by the way 🍾💐

Love this. Hahahahaha!

I think OP is having a hard time. She’s probably knackered and has sore tits and Fanny. So the whole world is pissing her off

Really surprised at the responses on here — l have seen other, similar threads go completely the other way… so sorry people have been unkind OP, particularly when you’re already overwhelmed and exhausted. I felt exactly the same as you when my DD was born - and I’m also a massive introvert. It’s exhausting socialising anyway for us introverts, and you’ve just had a baby so probably one of the most depleting things you’ll ever do. One midwife told me at the time to just stay in bed with the baby for a full two weeks post birth to recover. Visitors can wait!

Not sure why you're getting so much hate TBH. It sounds exhausting.

Can you ask your husband to ask them all to give you some space?

You are not being at all unreasonable to want some time alone with your baby to bond and catch up on sleep.

Family visits are all well and good if they're taking your needs into consideration, but it really doesn't sound like they are and you're clearly at the end of your tether.

Have some virtual coffee and cake, sounds like you need it.

☕🍰

If you'd not mentioned the name Karen and posted this while pregnant that your MIL would be over multiple times a week and you'd have a constant stream of visitors, everyone would have told you to say you're not having visitors for the first few weeks and put in firm boundaries.

Honestly, the newborn phase is over in the blink of an eye, don't miss it because everyone else is soaking it up. They can fuck off and have their own babies if they desperately want to hold one.

Oh dear Coffeeneedmorewine. It sounds like you’re having a really, really bad day. How dare family want to cuddle your baby - shame on them. I think you need more wine, to be honest 😂

YANBU, I get it.

It's nice that baby has folks around who care and enjoy her and all, but the last thing you need whilst sleep deprived and enduring a big hormone crash.. is a shit load of visitors and the assumed obligation to host.

Congratulations on your arrival OP, wishing you a smooth recovery 🙂

I don’t get the wanting to hold (other) people’s newborns thing. When they’re so tiny they need to be in their mum’s arms, surrounded by her scent and hearing her heartbeat. You can see them without holding them.Visiting new parents at that stage is more about seeing how the mum is doing.

When the baby’s a bit older you’ll probably be asked to hold them so their mother can grab a shower or just use the loo in peace!

I'm completely with you OP, I refused to have any visitors for more than 24hrs after I got home from the hospital, then it was only parents and siblings. Had a few more across the week, it all got a bit much and I refused to have anyone except parents and siblings for the next fortnight.
I don't like people either!!

You feed, sling the baby at dp and head to bedroom for nap. When baby needs fed then partner can bring baby up. Honestly help u feel a bit sane.

Of all the times a woman should say NO, this is one of the topmost top.

Two people are involved in birth, and one of them can say, BACK OFF, LEAVE ME ALONE, I'VE JUST DELIVERED AN ENTIRE HUMAN BEING OUT OF MY VAGINA, I'M TIRED, I NEED SPACE TO COME TO TERMS WITH THIS.

The other one sleeps, shits, and cries. And, possibly, with luck, feeds.

Who knows, there may even be another person who says BACK OFF, MY PARTNER NEEDS SOME SPACE AND TIME, and: Darling, what do you need me to do?

No, don't let family decide what's reasonable. You're in charge.

Not everyone is an extrovert craving constant company in order to feel complete 🙄

So this is the problem. DH needs to tell MIL that if she says you are doing it wrong one more time she will not be allowed back.

Perhaps some folks don’t think there’s anything wrong with an excited granny trying to impart her knowledge, but I had waited for three years and gone through infertility hell to have mine and if my MIL had been so unwise as to criticise what I was doing, I would have exploded. Instead, my MIL told me that advice in her day had changed from her DM’s day, and it would no doubt be different now, and she was worried that she might suggest something that isn’t recommended now. That’s the kind of MIL who can gladly visit.

You know what? You feel how you feel and you needed to share those feelings as you can't IRL. I think you're getting a hard time and you don't deserve it. Sometimes you just want to be left alone to get into your own routine with your LO. It's nice if people actually ask if you'd like them to come round instead of them deciding to beat your door down. Sadly there's not much you can do without alienating them for future years. Chin up it won't be a novelty for too much longer hopefully.
Congratulations on your little melon by the way.

@GraySweatpants

Is this really what introverts are like?
You called it, but I did suspect it all along... It's a sort of murderous presence.

Your first? I decided that nobody could come over until I was ready. Took me 4 weeks so that I could get confortable and be confident as a new mother. Second (and last) baby: I was so happy to have family around quickly to hold the baby or occupy my eldest because I always felt that I wasn't spending enough time with one or the other. Just saying.. but I did not invite family all the time just to cuddle. You don't have to. Just say you are tired and need some time. All mothers can understand that and if they don't then that's too bad for them. You need to build up your confidence because you are the expert on YOUR baby. My two sons are and were so different and their needs as well. And beware: MIL's advice might be outdated. My (lovely) Mil told me that babies sleeps best on their tummy. Well, we know that this is not recommanded today. I always said to her that "I follow the doctor's recommandations". Sometimes that was true, other times not. But it saved me from having arguments/discussions so I recommand that you fo the same 😊