Me and dad split a year ago. He doesn’t drive or work so I let him keep the house (I’m also not from the city where the house is but he is) so he could easily get our 2 boys to and from school. The boys are 6 and 4. I moved back to my hometown to live with family which is 45 miles from their dad and school.
I did this because I felt he needed the house more than me, I’m also in the middle of a nursing degree and I can’t afford private rent + childcare + my car + bills + food on student loans. I do also work part time to facilitate the thousands of miles I’m driving every month in order to afford 50:50 custody. I can’t work anymore than I do as we have 24 weeks of 40 hr a week placements in my degree.
The kids do not want to move school and have expressed this themselves multiple times. They want to see both parents but they can’t express how often or what split they want as they’re too young to be able to do so.
they have everything at each home so there is no “packing and unpacking bags”. Each parent is very loving and maternal and both homes are suitable. Me and dad get on really well, we talk and we give each other a hug on drop off/pick up. We all still do things as a family sometimes, we’ve even been on holiday as a 4 since the split. But of course, the travelling they are doing from school/dads to my house and back is not suitable. I know that. I’m not daft. But what do I do? I feel totally stuck? We currently do the 2-2-3 schedule, so 2 days with me, 2 days with dad, weekend with me. Then 2 days with dad, 2 days with me and weekend with dad. It works for us parents but I don’t feel it works for them. No longer than 3 nights in one home, the crazy mileage on school days. I do also struggle driving 200 miles on school days.
They can’t stay more with me because of school and the one thing they have explicitly expressed is not moving school. But whilst dad is AMAZING, surely it’s not good for them to have 40% with me and 60% with dad? Surely kids need their mums more than that (not that dads are any less important but I hope you understand what I mean). I’ve seen a lot of suggestions for EOW and one week day but it would be mum who does that and dad who gets the rest.
this was so long but I am so lost and desperate. I love my kids; I feel hollow when they’re not here. But I want what’s best for them, not me. And I currently have no idea what is the best thing for them in this situation.