No hen do because I actually have no friends 😔

As someone who has had close friendships but never really managed to find a romantic relationship let alone marriage (I’m early 40s) I’m sort of intrigued by the multiple people on here who seem to be able to find people to marry but not to be friends with. As finding someone to marry seems like such a much bigger deal to me, yet requiring some of the same skills. Not meaning to be unhelpful, but if you can put yourself out there enough, and are confident and together enough to find someone who wants to spend the rest of their life with you, surely you can find people who want to go for the occasional drink? Maybe you need to approach it a bit like dating, rather than just expecting it to happen?

Sounds like you need to find yourself some active friends. Why not plan to go on an active break - look at gutsy girls. I know they would gladly celebrate with you.

Oh OP I really feel this! Iv always said to my partner if we get married I won’t have anyone except my (very small) family on the brides side, and I don’t have any friends for a hen do and that makes me sad. Seams more common then I realised from this thread.

I used to have a bustling social life but fast forward 2 wakeful children and post natal depression and Iv found myself alone with just a few old friends who have all moved several hours away. All my close local friends just seams to have vanished once I wasn’t able to go to the pub every weekend. Some of the people I considered to be my closest of friends haven’t even been to meet my second child and he is 8 months old! And it’s so hard to make close new friends as an adult I find! X

It doesn't need to be big! Just one or two friends is all anyone really needs. But if you don't have anyone at all, is that a problem to you?

And how is that for you? ( genuine question)

Goodness. This is such a shame. Do you crave friendship, or not that bothered? Having close friends has always been very important to me, incredibly important. I do have very good friends. It's always come incredibly naturally to me, and having say 4 close friends is essential to me. Do you think you should invest the time trying to develop this? Or is it just not something that you crave?

I don't have many friends, so no hen do for me too.
I went for a Spa treatment and fake tan with my 1 friend! It was lovely!

I don’t have any friends either OP if it makes you feel any better. I also think I’m a nice kind interesting person but no one ever wants to take it any further and that’s fair enough! 🤷‍♀️

You don’t HAVE to have a hen do! We went and got married abroad without anyone but our parents knowing and there were no hen/stags involved

Do you ever invite these people to do anything? Maybe they don’t invite you to parties because you don’t invite them? Why don’t you start by having a little party to celebrate getting married. Say you’re doing a thing with old friends as well but you wanted to invite some colleagues to a drinks thing, first round on you.

That’s awful 😣 I don’t understand that mindset at all? I’ve lived in 3 different continents and I’ve always had very mixed social circles.

Yeah adult friendships are all about adjusting to new and changing circumstances in both your life and your friends life. I understand looking for friends that share similar circumstances as well, but you don’t need to discard those who don’t fit into that.

I voted unreasonable only because you said you do want a hen do, but are telling people you don't. Can you work out what would work for you, do that? I think there are good suggestions above. Good luck, and congratulations on your forthcoming marriage!

Aw OP, you sound like a lovely person!

This could be a turning point to expand your circle - there are loads of free-to-join Facebook groups for people who enjoy outdoor activities. Mates and Dates is a big group with outdoorsy meet ups across the UK, Wild Women have local groups and Yes Tribe. Rebel Badge club (you have to pay for some things) its like a guides/scouts for grown ups if you like that kind of thing.

I’m the same, no real friends. I’m nice enough but no-one wants to know. 😞
I think the idea of a spa day with your DM sounds great. You dont have to have same kind of thing as your partner. IMO Hen dos are so overrated. Good luck with your wedding and future 🥰

Who will your bridesmaids be? You don't need a hen do at all, but have you got a couple of close friends you could see? My hen do was my best friend from university and my husband's 2 sisters (who I genuinely saw like my own sisters by then (only child)). We went to a favourite city had a wander, a boat ride, posh "afternoon tea" actually for lunch, and then painted pots at a pottery painting place!

In these circumstances I would go on a killer mini break with my mum and/or sister, somewhere or something I wouldn't normally treat myself to.

Judging by the amount of people who invite their work colleagues and even their mums (!) and groom's female relatives to their hen nights, I suspect you're not the only bride-to-be who hasn't got a large group of female friends.

How about getting an activity package ie having a flying lesson, driving a racing car. These are things one usually does alone. Then meet up with your mum for afternoon tea somewhere where you can discuss what you did.
I don’t think it is widely acknowledged how many people have difficulty with social situations or can comfortably cope with only occasions where there are only a handful of people.
There would be no harm in asking someone you know who seems friendly to accompany you to an activity, day out etc. You don’t need to tell them it is in lieu of a hen do. They can only say no they’re busy.
Good luck

I can relate OP. I ended up having a day out with two relatives for mine although I never called it my hen do but it was as close as I got to one. It was quite nice. One came to country for my wedding so it was good for a catch up too.

There's probably not much you can do at this point to build a close friendship group for a hen party. There's been good advice on alternative hen do front from PP.

Couple of things though.
First, see the following websites. You're not alone in terms of being a woman who likes "extreme" or outdoor sports. I'm certain you'd find women in these clubs.
https://m.facebook.com/norwichclimbing/
https://kingslynnmtb.com/
https://www.norfolkoc.co.uk/oldsite/pages/membership.html
https://www.northnorfolkdivers.co.uk/

Secondly, when your work colleagues have parties do they tell you about them beforehand or only after? I wondered if you were missing cues and you are being invited but aren't realising it because they're not being specific enough for you to pick up on it. Could you be neurodiverse?

If not (or even so) you've probably just never found your tribe within your sex. Nor me, but I'd also much prefer to do your hobbies than go to a spa day.

If you can't find a club where you live btw, lots of outdoors clubs have members spread across the country who only attend extended meets but are still active members and make firm friends.

Who do you play ball sports with? Invite those people. Are you inviting any of your friends to the wedding? Just invite those people to the hen.

My friends had a ‘STEN’ party. Because we’re more just a big group of friends of all genders and leaving out half the group wouldn’t feel right.
If you’re friends with your oh friends and their partners just have a sten party

I feel you, OP. I always say to my husband I see everyone out with their friends all the time, but nobody thinks about me. I have acquaintances, sports friend (netball and cricket but also really enjoy doing the things you mentioned), work colleagues etc.. but no friend friends. Have tried being the person to invite/host new people and it always fizzles out quicker than it started.

I've stopped trying and just stick with the one or two friends I do occasionally see now and throw myself into the kids, work and sports. I've come to terms with it, and honestly I really enjoy my own company! I know that doesn't help your hen do situ. As a PP said, I reckon you should go on the STEN and enjoy it!

(Also in Norfolk, 35F with 3DC).

If I were you, I’d go for an afternoon tea, spa day or mini break with my mum, and maybe sister. I’d regret having a big night out or similar with acquaintances. Cherish the people who matter most. Weddings and hens dos don’t need to be extravagant. I personally think it isn’t the norm, it’s just what you see on social media. You can always have a fun trip with your husband and his friends another time.

Would you consider a solo adventure weekend or something similar with your mum? If she's not as into activities as you perhaps meet afterwards for a meal?

Some people just like big parties and an "open doors, the more the merrier" kind of do. Nothing wrong with wanting to keep it small and intimate if that's your thing, but nothing wrong with saying everyone's welcome if that's your thing.