No hen do because I actually have no friends 😔

Nine or ten actual friends at your funeral
is LOADS!!!!!! 🤣🤣

I totally feel the same as you. Its painful xxx but you're not the only one xx

I have similar interests and would be bored on a spa day too...or any typical hen do activities 😅 Used to live in Norfolk and moved to the big city because it was, indeed, too boring. How about a surf camp trip with your mum?

For future friends, maybe there's a martial arts club near you that does cheap classes that you could join? Rarely great to meet more like-minded women, though. Start your own informal club e.g. women's five a side?

Try joining a Bluetits Chill Swimmers group…..is this one near you?
https://m.facebook.com/groups/319419546101988/?ref=share

I started a year ago just for the swim, fitness, menopause symptoms distraction and they are such an amazing group I’ve ended up with more friends than I have time spare !!!! Go alone to an organised swim and you’ll be made welcome

Hi, I feel the same as you. I'm also great and likeable with no besties 😁 Where do you live? We can meet up and celebrate your upcoming nuptials ❤️
Feel free to pm me 😂
Am not a loon, I realise most people who say they're not a loon, turn out to be........
🫂

Hi op
I created this account to let you know I know how you feel. And all the people who are surprised just don't get what it's like.
I am going to send you a pm

Why don’t you do something special with your mum, OP? THis is your chance to have some special time alone with her. These moments won’t come your way so easily when you’re married. Could you book into a hotel with great walks and lovely pubs and just spend some time putting the world to rights and sharing confidences?

this is a bit 'not like the other girls'-y

I' m only a little younger than you, and I know loads of girls/women our age and older who love all this stuff. I'm part of groups on FB like outdooradventure girls, love her wild etc. that have thousands of uk members. Also go to climbing socials at my local climbing place, a paddleboard club etc. I know women who do those hardcore assault courses, one of my friends does circus skills flying around the roof on a trapeze or silk ropes, have lots of other friends in their 30s and 40s who do roller derby...etc.

yes they might not be right on your doorstep but there will be something to do within an hour or so, even if it's just once a month.

you don't have to have a hen but if not having friends is something that bothers you you have to be quite proactive about it once you're out of your twenties.

I actually didn’t have a wedding for this reason, I’ve also got a really horrible family situation so I didn’t have those to invite either really.

It's really hard and I feel for you. I had quite a low key small hen do, including family! My other half doesn't have loads of friends but his closest friend (female, like a sister) took him out for a daft day.
If you already have children, maybe just take some time away for yourself or even a fun weekend with them too.
I remember bumping into a lass one night and she was out for the night of what should have been her wedding day. Don't know what had happened but she found a way of getting herself through a difficult time in her own way.
Maybe do the same for you - so you do something to mark your hen, but in your own way and on your own terms!

I hink you're overthinking this OP. I'm a similar age and I really can't be doing with parties and stuff anymore. If I was getting married now I genuinely don't think I could be arsed with a hen do. Why don't you and your Mum and sister just book a mini break?

Maybe this is an ideal time to organise a little weekend getaway with your mum and sister. It doesn’t have to be labelled as a ‘hen’s party’ but an opportunity to reconnect with them.

I feel you @Toujoursenfrance ❤️ I got married this year 😊 no hen as I had nobody to invite. Tiny registry office wedding as I had nobody to invite. No bridal party as I had nobody to be in it 🙃

I had our first child during the pandemic and I guess having that change in my own circumstances when none of my friends were parents yet really threw things off. As soon as the lockdowns were lifted nobody was interested in going for a coffee or anything, it was nights out, weekends away etc. My DH works away from home (4 weeks away, 2 weeks home) so my friends were used to me always being available but suddenly I had a baby and responsibilities. I tried making arrangements when I could but as I’d turned down so many invitations that guess nobody was bothered about making an effort to follow through on my arrangements. Eventually things just fizzled out.

My family aren’t super close either. My mum isn’t the kind of mum that would want to have a day out with me or do typical mother-daughter type things. She thinks thats weird. She prefers just doing her own thing. And my family can all be quite selfish and prefer doing things only if it benefits them in some way. They’d never think to do something to make someone else happy.
I shopped for my prom dress alone as all my school friends went with their mums but mine didn’t want to go with me. Went to my graduation alone as my parents decided to text me that morning and say they’d rather not sit in traffic trying to get into the city. I shopped for my wedding dress alone as nobody was interested in coming (asked mum and sister and both said they weren’t really up for it). No advice when it came to having my first baby etc.

I have some people I’ll have a chat to at a baby class or whatever but they tend to make a lot of plans for evenings or weekends when their DHs can look after their kids and I don’t have childcare when DH is away other than nursery (and I work the hours DS is in nursery plus some freelance work in the evenings when he sleeps) so I’m not really properly included in the group.
And I have a few work colleagues that I get on with, but again, they don’t really understand my family dynamic as they all have DH home every night to watch the kids or have relatives nearby to take the kids whenever they have plans.
I could pay for a babysitter while DH is away to allow me to make more time for friends but I hate the thought of leaving DS with someone just for me to socialise. And I do have 2 weeks out of 6 when DH is home and I could be more available but if I’m honest, we get 6 days out of 6 weeks where DH isn’t away and I’m not at work and I prioritise making those family days as I think that’s really important for DS.

I’ve just come to accept that at this stage in life I just don’t really have any proper friends.

Have you tried apps like Bumble Bff?

Op, I do know what you mean, I do have a couple of good friends but not local, and I have grown up DDs and a dsd but not that circle of friends for a hen do. I'm getting married and not having anything, we will go out for dinner with family and friends the night before (not too late!)

I have definitely been there at points in my life. I have found it hard to make friends in my early 20s and I understand that not having a group of friends makes it harder to make friends, as you don't want to appear desperate. I suppose it's fine when your busy day today, but stuff like hen do's/birthdays etc shine a light on it.

I have got better at it as I've got older and got less scared of rejection. If I see someone a few times and I think we will get on, I'm more likely to "ask them out".

Having regular stuff, like a book group can be great, especially when everyone's busy. Arranging casual drinks can be a bit more of a thing, but if it's in the calendar once a month people are more likely to go and then you can find out if you have other stuff in common.

I hope you have a lovely time whatever you decide to do on your hen do. I would recommend doing something lovely with your mum, and maybe your sister?

OP I had the same thing, the few friends I had were male so hen wouldn't have worked. I just didn't worry about it because it's a lot of pressure and stress to organise anyway. The hen's I'd been to have been a bit weird anyway so I didn't feel I missed out. DH had stag.

Friend of mine did a joint stag / hen do for similar reasons - one had more friends than the other. It was more of a little party,.it was nice.

If it helps, I have made many female friends in the last few years since moving city and having kids and could do a hen now. You don't know how things can change in your life.

How about going tubing or skiing at the ski club in Norwich? Followed by a nice meal in the city or afternoon tea at the Assembly House or a brunch/lunch at Cafe no 33 in Chapelfield gardens? 😊

I’m a total extrovert OP, I have loads of friends.. and my hen night was crap . Well that’s unfair, it was a nice enough night out but it really felt like we were just going through the motions. It’s such a manufactured idea and the usual hen night antics really do not appeal to me at all. I’ve only been to one other hen night: most women that I know just didn’t bother, because either they don’t get married or the idea just doesn’t appeal.

its nice your OH wants to do the traditional thing, doesn’t mean that you have to.

There is no shame in enjoying being on your own.

I have a very people orientated job and after work and on days off and holidays, I’m glad to be away from them. Family and my cats are enough.

You're not a loser.
You don’t need to do a hen night.
You could have a small gathering of family members for drinks or do something on your own.
It doesn’t make you a loser.

You’re just not meeting social expectations as you perceive them. Nothing wrong with being a bit different.

I'd be worried if you took yourself off for the weekend you'd just sit weeping and feeling lonely - I think some sort of activity weekend would be much more likely to cheer you up (yoga treat, walking weekend in a national park, National Trust volunteering, all female carpentry workshop... there's quite a lot out there if you research)

I got married a decade ago and didn't have a hen do for much the same reasons. I did have a couple of female friends but they weren't really into the hen do scene any more than I was, so I decided just not to bother. I think i have some autistic traits so I'd never really got the hang of close female friendship - although I did mostly get on with people. About a year ago I found a group of like minded women through a niche hobby - we're all a bit odd together. It turned out that several of us had got married without hens, so we decided to step out of our comfort zone and do an 80s party weekend! It was a lot of fun, and I hope shows it's fine not to have a hen, but it's also never too late.

OP you're not a loser but also, there's no rule saying you MUST have a hen do.
If you don't want to, just don't. No need to force yourself to find 'people to celebrate with'.

Edit : You just want a small thing with someone, so going with your mum sounds OK. Also...you're 41 with kids. A hen/stag is traditionally to celebrate the 'last night' before being married but that ship has sailed for you.

The wedding itself is obviously the main celebration of you getting married, not sure why people are obsessed with events to celebrate an event.

Same here @Toujoursenfrance but it took me until my mid 40s to be diagnosed autistic.
I'm not saying that is the problem or indeed is a problem, it's just times like a hen do, marriage, bridesmaids would crop up.

I live a great life without friends, I have people I can call on or rely on etc, but they're not hen do or bridesmaid people.

I don't have any answers I'm afraid and I'm unlikely ever to marry. I guess joint or neither would be the solution.

In my city there are quite a few women's groups for cycling, skateboarding etc so worth looking into that round you.

I was just saying earlier how weird and outdated the idea of a stag and hen are so I think embrace that and sack it off.

Or ask someone at work if you think you should have a work hen and just go for drinks with them?