No hen do because I actually have no friends 😔

I don't have a massive circle. My hen was mostly my family. It was tame compared to DHs stag.

He also had a weekend with his dad and brothers before the wedding. Because my mum had come for the hen, my dad came down that weekend and we had a lovely weekend.

I like the idea of taking yourself away for a weekend. Take your mum. Invite your sister and your friend, they may surprise you and jump at the chance. And if not, some quality mum time in a lovely place awaits.

Don't feel down about it. Some of us just don't have "the girls" and that's ok. Big groups of girls have always seemed like hard work to me anyway. You sound like you're happy with your circle generally, so make this work in a way that makes you happy.

Id work out if it bothers you not having many friends generally.

I personally think its good to have at least a few friends. Just because it’s nice to have someone to speak to about life who isn’t a partner or family member. Friends can be good support for when life goes wrong. It can be good to have friends to do hobby’s with- esp hobbies your OH doesn’t like.

So I’d forget the hen- it’s not a massive deal. But think about going forward in life if you’d like to have some friends where would you find them, what sort of activities would you like to do etc.

i don’t have any girl friends. I had them at university, but I moved away and most of those friendships dissipated with distance and time. The friends I made in my new location were mostly my XH’s friends because he had such a gregarious personality.

I’m married to my best friend and that is what really matters. I’d like to expand my social circle, but it’s hard. I try to go to special interest group meetups, but nothing ever works out. The other moms all seem to have their own connections and I do not fit in at all.

I had a hen do for my first wedding and I honestly hated it. I was young enough I still had my university friends. We did the typical thing for that era which was go to a bunch of bars and clubs. I never do that sort of thing and don’t enjoy that kind of evening, so making it a celebration for me was just illogical

For my second wedding, my hen do was my sister and I going to a boutique store opening of one of her friends. It wasn't really a hen-do, it’s just what she and I ended up doing the night DH went out with his friends. I’m old enough that things still were only a night back then. I was actually perfectly happy with that. It suited my personality much more.

The two of you really should chat for a bit and figure out if a first public meetup could be in the cards. Maybe you could find an adventure partner.

I feel like this thread is getting too deep…OP outside of the wedding stuff, which by the way can magnify feelings of all kinds, are you usually bothered that you don’t have any / many friends? If so, don’t worry about it! The main thing is that you’ll be getting married, and IMO that should be the focus. The day is about no one else but you and your future husband. Go for a nice meal with mum, or plan a fun thing with fiance, or just have a night to yourself!

I think you two should get together for a Hen Night!

It’s OK. Not everyone hunts in a pack. I never did.

This post could've been written bu me, only I don't have anyone to want to marry me in the first place 😂
FOMO is definitely real!

I didn't have a hen do because they weren't really a thing 30 odd years ago.

I'm also in the friendless zone , although I could probably pull up some old school friends if I were to remarry.

OP you’re so convinced it’s all pointless, I’m thinking the problem is way bigger than what’s posted here. May I kindly suggest you seek counselling for your extremely low confidence. You need to talk through all this in a professional setting where you may have to hear and realise some hard truths because nothing being said here is going to change what comes across as a you being a stubbornly unconfident person.

Only you have the power to change your situation, others won’t do it for you and your fear of rejection needs dealt with or nothing will change… and dare I say if you refuse to make any changes to improve your situation (in your eyes) then there’s zero point complaining about your life decisions.

It’s all very woe is me and yes it’s utterly shit having no friends but it’s not a permanent situation unless you let it be and you’re letting it be that.

I see your predicament OP. And having three young children, then a degree must have taken up a lot of your time. But it sounds like you will start to have more time for socialising, esp with your DH who sounds like he's had time to make more connections.

One thought occured to me. I think that maybe you don't get invited at work because people are used to seeing you as so busy with the children etc and that became a bit of a habit of not inviting , not personal to you.
I also think that one needs to invite to be invited.
Maybe this is your chance to issue an open invitation to school colleagues to meet you in the pub after work (get some cake) and you will have something behind the bar... ( get DH to come with you for support) and don't worry about it being a "success" or not, if no one turns up, then you and DH enjoy yourselves. Don't build it up, but if people turn up, all the better. It also gives them the chance to get to know you.
Also. What about instead of a hen/stag... just invite a few ( not so many that it would overwhelm you, but the ones that Dh thinks would be the most friendly) of DH's friends and their partners, out for a meal with the two of you near to work or whatever. Then you would get to know them in a small group and they could get to know you. DH would be there helping.
Also, some great suggestions, given that you are quite sporty, further up the thread of things to do, where you could start to make new friends. Are there any park runs near you, its all on facebook. You sound very nice and there's nothing to be embarrassed about when people ask the standard questions.. just have a prepared answer...
Congratulations on your forthcoming wedding.

I didn't have one and have no regrets whatsoever. I don't have many proper friends and reckoned a lot of the so called friends I invited would have blown me out, so decided to just not have one.
Your idea of taking yourself away for a weekend sounds amazing!!!

Because trouble maintaining friendships is a sign of autism in women.

Many women OPs age go through life not realising they are autistic because women are better at masking.

Neither me or DH had hen/stags and preferred it that way. We did get married abroad but neither wanted one.

I’ve attended a family version of one and a girls weekend. Wouldn’t repeat either tbh so don’t think you’re missing out.

Why would she be autistic?

Could you be autistic?

Wild and free not young and free **

Search young and free retreats Norfolk. 20-23rd Sep

“My retreats offer the perfect balance of activity and rest, nourishing movement and stillness. Expect enlivening and restorative classes, a relaxing sound bath, three nourishing meals per day, plus plenty of spare time to breathe in the fresh country air and explore enchanting wild nature.
Spend an afternoon cosied up with a book in the warmth of a log burning stove, or enjoy a refreshing wild swim in the lake or in the heated, naturally filtered pool. Make new friends around the fire pit under the stars… everything is optional. Do as much, or as little, as you like!”

got this off website

I’ve got an idea

Where I live they do 1-3 night retreats, yoga, camping, rock climbing etc - lots of choices.

Why don’t you google where they have in your area? Book yourself to go along with a group. You’ll make friends with strangers and have new people to chat too. It’ll be a new experience, a great life experience.

What about a spa weekend with your mum if you are close?
Congratulations and good luck for your wedding ❤️

There is a Facebook group called wild wanderers. They have many sub local groups. Join and meet people it is great

This sounds like a friendship waiting to happen.....x

Have you ever invited these people over to yours?

I think weddings are one of those things when you’re not hugely sociable can make you feel like a loser just due to the way they are traditionally set up. Hen do for women, stag do for men. I don’t think it needs to be adhered to, or boys club for a stag. Can’t you all just do something fun together, radical thought, men and women together?? Also don’t feel bad about not having friends. More people than you think are also without a bunch of close knit friends.