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AIBU?

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Original poster

Aibu to want to go home

608 replies

geekygirldoesnotfitin · 13/07/2024 14:19

Hi

A friend of mine asked me to go on holiday with her and a few of her friends. I don't know these friends but she begged me saying she really wanted me there. I agreed and paid for my trip.

When I turned up to the airport there were two different groups of her friends. Neither group really know each other but both groups are close friends.

That's fine. I only know my friend who asked me to come but was happy to get to know others.

Since we arrived I have chatted and asked about each person and got on with the holiday. Some of the friends have chatted here and there.

My friend has tended to stick with one group in particular and I haven't had much chance to spend time with her. Again fine with me normal as I don't expect to me joined at the hip.

It's become very obvious that I'm the odd one out. For whatever reason people don't seem to want to engage with me. I have reflected to make sure I haven't said or done anything to hurt or upset anyone and I honestly don't think I have.

Initially it was just them chatting amongst themselves but now they are actively avoiding me.

For eg they were all in the pool chatting so I got in and they got out. When I got out a few minutes later they all got back in.
During conversations I chip in and get ignored. I try to repeat myself but give up joining in as it's obvious I'm an annoyance.
Both groups decided to go to the bar and asked each individual but missed me out.
I'm a bit quieter than most but I do chat and show an interest.

Yesterday I became very unwell unexpectedly and had to lay down in my room for the afternoon. This morning the groups had made plans and I tagged along with one. I ended up walking behind alone as they were walking next to each other and there was no room unless I stepped in the road. When I came down this morning after being in my room poorly no one said hello but when someone else came just after they made a big fuss and had already messaged the person to check they were ok.

I'm a big girl and can accept that people don't like me or don't want me around but it seems the more I go do my own thing the more they are annoyed when I return.

I feel quite alone and confused.

I'm the only one here who is a mum with young dc. I miss my dc and feel like I should try get a flight home early on my own. If I was able to be involved and felt welcome that would be fine but I just can't seem to do the right thing and I'm starting to feel self conscious and a bit upset.

I have a few days left and I'm not sure what to do for the best.

OP posts:
DollyBelle · 14/07/2024 20:59

I am not wishing a mass stomach bug on two groups of women…..

MounjaroUser · 14/07/2024 20:55

How does your so-called friend think you are, given you've spent the entire time either being ignored or on your own?

Sheelanogig · 14/07/2024 20:53

I'm.glad you are going.

Sound like they get their kicks out of being mean girls.
Sorry its cost you money/annual leave/ time away from doing fun things with fun/kind people to find this out.

HipHopanonymous · 14/07/2024 20:48

What a bunch of absolute arseholes OP, I'm so sorry you wasted time, money and energy on people who didn't deserve your company.

Glad you are on your way now, go home to your family and enjoy a peaceful couple of days. I wonder if your rotten "friend" will reach out...not sure I'd have the mental energy to give her a piece of my mind, I think I'd be inclined to ghost.

Nanny0gg · 14/07/2024 20:45

geekygirldoesnotfitin · 14/07/2024 19:17

Hi

So I'm on my way home.
I managed to get an earlier flight for a decent price.

I went to eat last night and saw the group out. Friend said hi and asked if I was ok.

One of the women was ill and some of the others were being awful about her and were laughing at her. I found her back in the hotel to ask if she was ok. She was but just needed to lie down. I took her back to her room as the others had left.
I just felt so down about it and decided to come home so I can rest in my own space before going back to work.

Thank you again for all your kind words.
I have really learnt from this experience and I'm going to stick to my 3 friends who I know are genuine and my dc. I will never go on a group holiday again.

How did you answer your 'friend'?

And at least, knowing they were vile about the other woman proves it's nothing you did

Even the worst cows I went to school with weren't that bad

Gcsunnyside23 · 14/07/2024 20:36

They sound like right bitches

AthenaBasil · 14/07/2024 20:35

Good decision going home early. Hope you have a few days of rest,

@geekygirldoesnotfitin What did you say to your friend when she asked if you were ok?

PlanningTowns · 14/07/2024 20:33

Glad you’re on your way home. This thread has given me a knot in my stomach in your behalf.

when home and they are id suggest closing the chapter by asking said ‘friend’ why she invited you when she then preceded to ignore you and clearly the group were excluding you. Be firm and stand up for yourself. Then block. She is a twat, you sound very kind and caring.

Italiangreyhound · 14/07/2024 20:30

So sorry they were so mean, just horrible.

Get home and enjoy your own space and don't stay in touch with this 'so-called friend'. You are better than them. XXXXXX

Jack80 · 14/07/2024 20:25

I would just go off on my own and see what happens. It's not worth trying to get a flight as it will probably be expensive. Just don't contact that friend again ever when home.

catwithflowers · 14/07/2024 20:22

What thoroughly unpleasant women they are. You are so much better than this and I'm glad you are on your way home to people who love and value you. ❤️

blackpear · 14/07/2024 20:21

They sound like absolute bitches, OP. It was lovely of you to look after the other lady. Did you tell your friend how you felt? I hope it will feel really special to be home.

Tulipsareredvioletsarebue · 14/07/2024 20:21

diddl · 14/07/2024 19:36

So it's not just you that they are nasty about?

Some weird dynamic going on there!

Ironic how they turned on that other woman (who was a part of the pack and got served her own medicine).

Arconialiving · 14/07/2024 20:19

How horrible of them & your 'friend'. Glad you're on your way home!

MuddlingThrough1724 · 14/07/2024 20:19

Glad you've escaped OP and hope you manage a rest once home. You sound lovely and deserve better than this so called "friend".

If it were me I'd have ghosted them, moved hotels or got a flight home without a word. And waited to see if they noticed, or panic when they were a person short for the bus back to the airport. I'd certainly be ignoring the friend that invited me and left me in that position. She's certainly no friend to let you, or anyone be treated the way you were. I don't know what is wrong with some women once they are in a big group, just horrid behaviour.

ScribblingPixie · 14/07/2024 20:13

Group behaviour can be so ugly. As soon as someone got ill, they turned on her. No doubt there will have been lots of other tensions within the groups that you weren't aware of too, OP. You have done the right thing in taking yourself out of the whole shoddy situation - impressive from you all round. From your posts, the girl who invited you has lost a good friend in you.

PhotoFirePoet · 14/07/2024 20:13

Mrsknowitall · 13/07/2024 14:29

How long of the holiday do you have left? If it was me I think I’d do my own thing, get a good book and read it by the pool, go for a nice spa treatment, find a nice restaurant and go for a meal then go home to your children all refreshed, forget the others now and make your own plans, try not to feel hurt and make the most of YOUR time then when you get back tell your friend to never persuade you to do that again, she’s out of order and no friend to you knowing that you knew nobody else there she should of made you the priority friend as everyone else knew someone. It’s really shitty behaviour of all of them.

This is good advice!

YorkshireLass2012 · 14/07/2024 20:12

geekygirldoesnotfitin · 14/07/2024 19:17

Hi

So I'm on my way home.
I managed to get an earlier flight for a decent price.

I went to eat last night and saw the group out. Friend said hi and asked if I was ok.

One of the women was ill and some of the others were being awful about her and were laughing at her. I found her back in the hotel to ask if she was ok. She was but just needed to lie down. I took her back to her room as the others had left.
I just felt so down about it and decided to come home so I can rest in my own space before going back to work.

Thank you again for all your kind words.
I have really learnt from this experience and I'm going to stick to my 3 friends who I know are genuine and my dc. I will never go on a group holiday again.

Safe travels home @geekygirldoesnotfitin !

For what it’s worth, I think you are doing the right thin coming home early. Time off work and away from family has got to be worth it and enjoyable.

Your friend who invited you is no friend. As the person who knows both groups and you she should have made sure you felt comfortable and part of things especially as she I cited you and you know only her. What a disgraceful way to treat another person. She has shown her true colours. Dump her would be my advice.

Enjoy relaxing at home

Lilith666 · 14/07/2024 20:10

So sorry that you have had this awful experience x

custardlover · 14/07/2024 20:08

Very glad you're on your way home. I hope you actually end up feeling very powerful - you don't have to stay or do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable like that - you're a grown up and you can just leave. Well done.

BigButtons · 14/07/2024 20:08

So sorry you are going through this. I have been through similar on more than one occasion. One holiday and other group meet ups.
God knows what goes through these grown women’s heads. I never forgave any of my so called friends who did this.

excelledyourself · 14/07/2024 20:07

One of the women was ill and some of the others were being awful about her and were laughing at her. I found her back in the hotel to ask if she was ok. She was but just needed to lie down. I took her back to her room as the others had left.

You are infinitely better than all of these women put together, OP.

Icantrememberit · 14/07/2024 20:02

Ok you’re not their type of person and they’ve made it obvious.
What you could do is go and enjoy your holiday as a reset. Go get some spa treatments, enjoy a lovely meal uninterrupted. Sod them, you didn’t need them before your holiday and you do not need the ignorant so an so’s now.

Your friend is not really a great friend, if they make plans say you can’t go because you weren’t involved in the discussion and have arranged your own venture.
DO NOT LET THEM RUIN YOUR TIME. If your friend approaches you about it, simply lay out what you’ve said to us. What have you got to lose.
hoping this helps and you don’t feel too rubbish about it all. Xxx

Scarallo · 14/07/2024 19:56

geekygirldoesnotfitin · 13/07/2024 14:19

Hi

A friend of mine asked me to go on holiday with her and a few of her friends. I don't know these friends but she begged me saying she really wanted me there. I agreed and paid for my trip.

When I turned up to the airport there were two different groups of her friends. Neither group really know each other but both groups are close friends.

That's fine. I only know my friend who asked me to come but was happy to get to know others.

Since we arrived I have chatted and asked about each person and got on with the holiday. Some of the friends have chatted here and there.

My friend has tended to stick with one group in particular and I haven't had much chance to spend time with her. Again fine with me normal as I don't expect to me joined at the hip.

It's become very obvious that I'm the odd one out. For whatever reason people don't seem to want to engage with me. I have reflected to make sure I haven't said or done anything to hurt or upset anyone and I honestly don't think I have.

Initially it was just them chatting amongst themselves but now they are actively avoiding me.

For eg they were all in the pool chatting so I got in and they got out. When I got out a few minutes later they all got back in.
During conversations I chip in and get ignored. I try to repeat myself but give up joining in as it's obvious I'm an annoyance.
Both groups decided to go to the bar and asked each individual but missed me out.
I'm a bit quieter than most but I do chat and show an interest.

Yesterday I became very unwell unexpectedly and had to lay down in my room for the afternoon. This morning the groups had made plans and I tagged along with one. I ended up walking behind alone as they were walking next to each other and there was no room unless I stepped in the road. When I came down this morning after being in my room poorly no one said hello but when someone else came just after they made a big fuss and had already messaged the person to check they were ok.

I'm a big girl and can accept that people don't like me or don't want me around but it seems the more I go do my own thing the more they are annoyed when I return.

I feel quite alone and confused.

I'm the only one here who is a mum with young dc. I miss my dc and feel like I should try get a flight home early on my own. If I was able to be involved and felt welcome that would be fine but I just can't seem to do the right thing and I'm starting to feel self conscious and a bit upset.

I have a few days left and I'm not sure what to do for the best.

I’m so sorry that you have had to go through this. I’m not sure what kind of friend does this to someone.
Ig the cost isn’t too high, I would leave xx

CrazyChefDoDoDoDoDoDo · 14/07/2024 19:55

This makes me so sad because of the time, effort and money you wasted for these people.

I'm pleased you're home with your family and hopefully happy again.

For what it's worth even the fact you're analysing yourself and your behaviour shows you're more self aware than they are. To make zero effort with someone on their own is really shitty even if none of them specifically invited you they are human beings and so are you.

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