Page 4 | Aibu to want to go home

geekygirldoesnotfitin · 2024-07-13T13:19:52+00:00

Hi A friend of mine asked me to go on holiday with her and a few of her friends. I don't know these friends but she begged me saying she really wanted me there. I agreed and paid for my trip. When I turned up to the airport there were two different groups of her friends. Neither group really know each other but both groups are close friends. That's fine. I only know my friend who asked me to come but was happy to get to know others. Since we arrived I have chatted and asked about each person and got on with the holiday. Some of the friends have chatted here and there. My friend has tended to stick with one group in particular and I haven't had much chance to spend time with her. Again fine with me normal as I don't expect to me joined at the hip. It's become very obvious that I'm the odd one out. For whatever reason people don't seem to want to engage with me. I have reflected to make sure I haven't said or done anything to hurt or upset anyone and I honestly don't think I have. Initially it was just them chatting amongst themselves but now they are actively avoiding me. For eg they were all in the pool chatting so I got in and they got out. When I got out a few minutes later they all got back in. During conversations I chip in and get ignored. I try to repeat myself but give up joining in as it's obvious I'm an annoyance. Both groups decided to go to the bar and asked each individual but missed me out. I'm a bit quieter than most but I do chat and show an interest. Yesterday I became very unwell unexpectedly and had to lay down in my room for the afternoon. This morning the groups had made plans and I tagged along with one. I ended up walking behind alone as they were walking next to each other and there was no room unless I stepped in the road. When I came down this morning after being in my room poorly no one said hello but when someone else came just after they made a big fuss and had already messaged the person to check they were ok. I'm a big girl and can accept that people don't like me or don't want me around but it seems the more I go do my own thing the more they are annoyed when I return. I feel quite alone and confused. I'm the only one here who is a mum with young dc. I miss my dc and feel like I should try get a flight home early on my own. If I was able to be involved and felt welcome that would be fine but I just can't seem to do the right thing and I'm starting to feel self conscious and a bit upset. I have a few days left and I'm not sure what to do for the best.

AcrossthePond55 · 17/07/2024 16:02

@geekygirldoesnotfitin

So just out of curiosity, has your 'friend' tried to contact you?

(You obvs don't have to reply if you'd rather not)

LuciaPillson · 17/07/2024 13:58

It has happened to me, there's no real reason sometimes. People in groups can behave cruelly. Glad you escaped.

CheshireDing · 17/07/2024 03:34

Glad you managed to escape early OP

Hope you left a big note saying what a bunch of bitches they are

Lavenderblue11 · 17/07/2024 03:17

No advice to give, but just want to offer you a huge hug. They sound like horrible people, you deserve so much better sweetheart 💐💖
Xx

VeryHappyBunny · 16/07/2024 10:23

RampantIvy · 16/07/2024 09:34

Well said @VeryHappyBunny

Thank you.

VeneziaJ · 16/07/2024 09:35

Glad you got home safely and away from that toxic environment. I have been treated like this in the past and am now very, very wary of who I spend time with.
I know that I do not always read social cues very well due to being ND and find hints instead of straight forward behaviour really, really hard but I am amazed at how selfish and unkind so many people can be! Kindness costs nothing!
if it were me I would compose a clear whatsapp/messanger/email or whatever to the “friend” expressing how disappointed you were with her behaviour and that of the whole group. I would say that you found them deeply immature and the bitchy comments about the ill person sealed your low opinion of them all. You are cross that she persuaded you to come on the holiday and spend money to be treated like a pariah and will not be seeing her again.

RampantIvy · 16/07/2024 09:34

Well said @VeryHappyBunny

VeryHappyBunny · 16/07/2024 09:24

zingally · 15/07/2024 09:59

The only person really in the wrong here is your "friend". She asked you along, knowing full well you didn't know anyone else going. Is there a possibility that someone else dropped out, and they asked you purely to fill the space?
Either way, she's been really foolish and unkind. She should have taken you under her wing, and accepted that you are her were likely to be a twosome for the week.

Personally, I don't really find a great deal of fault with the other people there... Remember, you are a stranger to them. On holiday, it's natural to want to stick around with, and socialise with, your actual friends/family. Not some random stranger who always seems to be tagging along. They don't know you from Adam. And although it's a bit unkind to seem to be purposely leaving you out, they are under no obligation to adopt you into the fold. Presumably they paid the same money you did for the holiday, and want to spend it with the people they already know and like. Not a Random.

That being said, the polite and mature thing for them to do would be to gently "pass you around" the group. "Sarah" makes small talk with you on a sun lounger for 20 minutes, and when she gets up to "fetch a drink", then "Sally" encourages you into the pool to bob around for a bit. THAT would be the kind thing to do, but then people don't always behave their absolute best. Especially on a holiday they've paid their own hard-earned cash for.

Personally, I'd be sacking them off and having your own holiday for the last few days. Keep to your own timetable, take yourself off for meals when YOU fancy it, find a new spot by the pool away from them. And if they think it's weird, so fucking what? They ignored you for all these days, and now you're repaying the favour.

This sounds very patronising, thinking that passing someone round a group of people is the kind thing to do. Remember there were two groups here with the common denominator being the so-called "friend". If you organise any social event you have an obligation, as host, to make everyone feel included and welcome, not ignored and ostracised, even more so if that is a holiday in another country. When people have been specifically invited, ie not a random who is tagging along, you don't just ignore them and let them be treated like shit by two other sets of self-obsessed bastards.

I think this lady is well rid of them all. From the sounds of it she behaved in a decent and dignified way. Helping one of the others when she was unwell and not chucking a hissy fit and demanding to be included.

ALL of the others on the holiday are equally in the wrong for being so unpleasant. It doesn't take much to be nice to someone. I have just moved 250+ miles to a new town and am staying in an hotel while decorating etc is being done. EVERYONE in the hotel, staff and guests, have been lovely and friendly. My new neighbours have been welcoming and I've met loads of their dogs. If literal total strangers can be like this, why can't fellow holiday makers at least make the effort to be.

It sounds as if they are all products of the "internet age" and are more concerned with their instagram images than any real friendships.

In the future when their looks have faded and their "influence" is no more they will be on the outer and friendless and this lady will still be a kind and decent person.

I saw a quote once which said "Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes to the bone".

RampantIvy · 16/07/2024 08:48

user1984778379202 · 16/07/2024 08:40

Yet somehow those two groups of strangers managed to bond just fine, while walking away from OP and getting out of the pool when she tried to engage them in conversation. I agree it's the friend who is mainly at fault, but you can't absolve the groups either. They knew there was one person who didn't know either side but collectively they chose to deliberately excluded her.

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And yet @zingally keeps making excuses for their awful behaviour. I would never treat someone the way these horrible women have to the OP.

I used to be very shy and unconfident. As a result I go out of my way to include people in social situations.

Am I being too mean to wish the rest of the party a difficult journey home?

user1984778379202 · 16/07/2024 08:41

user1984778379202 · 16/07/2024 08:40

Yet somehow those two groups of strangers managed to bond just fine, while walking away from OP and getting out of the pool when she tried to engage them in conversation. I agree it's the friend who is mainly at fault, but you can't absolve the groups either. They knew there was one person who didn't know either side but collectively they chose to deliberately excluded her.

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Sorry, in case it's not clear, that's me agreeing with you @SoreAndTired1!

user1984778379202 · 16/07/2024 08:40

SoreAndTired1 · 16/07/2024 06:51

The other women were guests, so of course they didn't get to invite anyone. OP's friend was the one who ran the whole thing and invited everyone. You're acting like the friend was not the one who organised it, was not in charge, and just decided to invite the OP after the fact, to tag along. OP is (was, since she's now back home) as equal a guest as the other 2 groups, neither of whom knew each other, either! Both of the two groups were strangers to each other, even forgetting the OP. So there are no excuses for how she was treated. As the leader, OP's friend should have made sure OP was included. After all, it was her party, and she chose who was invited.

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Yet somehow those two groups of strangers managed to bond just fine, while walking away from OP and getting out of the pool when she tried to engage them in conversation. I agree it's the friend who is mainly at fault, but you can't absolve the groups either. They knew there was one person who didn't know either side but collectively they chose to deliberately excluded her.

SoreAndTired1 · 16/07/2024 06:51

zingally · 15/07/2024 15:24

She wasn't invited by the other women though. She was invited by ONE mutual. OP said herself, she didn't know any of the other women, and they didn't know her.
She was a stranger to them.
All the fault here lies with the "friend" who invited her. And while it would have been nice for them to make her feel more included, I can understand why they were not apparently falling over themselves to do so.

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The other women were guests, so of course they didn't get to invite anyone. OP's friend was the one who ran the whole thing and invited everyone. You're acting like the friend was not the one who organised it, was not in charge, and just decided to invite the OP after the fact, to tag along. OP is (was, since she's now back home) as equal a guest as the other 2 groups, neither of whom knew each other, either! Both of the two groups were strangers to each other, even forgetting the OP. So there are no excuses for how she was treated. As the leader, OP's friend should have made sure OP was included. After all, it was her party, and she chose who was invited.

greyrainbows · 16/07/2024 00:23

Hope you are OK.

I hope you felt comfortable to confront your friend, but if you didn't I'd follow it up with a text and call her out on her bullshit and definitely walk away. Reading your posts it just echoed the mean girls movie, and made them all sound like teens.

I have experienced similar before and it's soul destroying and embarrassing especially when you've done nothing wrong. They just enjoy bringing others down to make themselves feel better.

Sounds like you have three other great friends anyway and don't need this so called one. Some trips are more about the lesson we learn than the trip itself. They all sound so shallow and not genuine and will likely all turn on each other at some point, which it sounded like was starting to happen anyway.

Sleepydoor · 15/07/2024 23:17

@zingally

"Not a Random."

I think you really do understand the other women who were on the trip with the OP but the rest of us on this thread think that deliberately excluding someone who is a fellow guest on a trip is unkind and rude. You are right that the mutual friend had an obligation to include the OP but the rest of the group ostracizing someone on a trip for several days just because they refuse to get to know her is still cruel and shitty behaviour.

Roryhon · 15/07/2024 21:20

It’s one thing preferring to speak to people you know, but completely another thing turning your back on them and getting out of the pool when they arrive, then getting back in once they leave. That’s unbelievably rude.

RestlessSparrow · 15/07/2024 21:15

"On holiday, it's natural to want to stick around with, and socialise with, your actual friends/family. Not some random stranger who always seems to be tagging along."

I'd find it a bit too intense to only talk to the same friend all week. I suppose my natural is different, but I'd be pleased to get to know someone else too.

froggybiby · 15/07/2024 18:21

I am sorry to hear your "friend" behaved so appallingly. You deserve so much better. I am glad to hear you managed to get an earlier flight.

ToxicChristmas · 15/07/2024 15:52

LordPercyPercy · 15/07/2024 15:45

I can understand why they were not apparently falling over themselves to do so.

I personally can't understand deliberately excluding and being unkind to someone so that says more about you than anything.

I agree. I just couldn't be that much of a bullying twat to someone. It's not hard to include someone in a conversation. Getting out of a pool when OP got in to avoid her is really childish, mean girl behaviour. I'd expect better from teenagers -in grown adults it's beyond pathetic and sad. You don't need to "fall all over someone" to ask how they are or if they want a drink. It's hardly going to ruin their holiday to be nice is it. They enjoyed having a good old bitch and bully; that much is obvious from the nastiness when one of their own group fell ill. Some people are just arseholes.

LordPercyPercy · 15/07/2024 15:45

I can understand why they were not apparently falling over themselves to do so.

I personally can't understand deliberately excluding and being unkind to someone so that says more about you than anything.

SerafinasGoose · 15/07/2024 15:41

zingally · 15/07/2024 15:24

She wasn't invited by the other women though. She was invited by ONE mutual. OP said herself, she didn't know any of the other women, and they didn't know her.
She was a stranger to them.
All the fault here lies with the "friend" who invited her. And while it would have been nice for them to make her feel more included, I can understand why they were not apparently falling over themselves to do so.

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Then they'll be the ones who miss out in the longrun.

DH and I have met some fantastic people whilst on holiday and had a blast with them. I still keep in touch with one couple 16 years later.

We are just as happy on our own but have had a great time with others too. I'm very glad I don't have the same myopic outlook: we'd have missed out on a lot.

diddl · 15/07/2024 15:34

.And while it would have been nice for them to make her feel more included, I can understand why they were not apparently falling over themselves to do so.

They were deliberately excluding though-not even being civil!

RecklessGoddess · 15/07/2024 15:33

I'd ask the friend why she bothered to, not only invite me, but encourage me to go, I'd she and her friends are just going to treat me like pariah the entire time we're there!

ilovesushi · 15/07/2024 15:26

Annabelj17 · 15/07/2024 12:05

I have an old dog who had arthritis and is obviously slowing down. My husband has never liked dogs but grudgingly allowed ne to have one. The deal was that for holidays she goes to kennels and we have a holiday coming up in 4 weeks. She is booked into a kennel but I feel she is too old now to go. Our holiday is in UK so we could take her with us but my husband would be moody and unreasonable about it. If I am honest I could do with a break from her as she is very needy and I feel she dominates my life. However I feel so guilty leaving her and I would worry about her all the time. I wish we were not going away at all but cancelling is not an option unless I also want a divorce!
I feel very depressed. I have no one nearby who can look after her as all the family will be on the holiday. I feel that whatever I do will be wrong. Any advice?

Post on the doghouse page. I am sure you will get some helpful advice.

zingally · 15/07/2024 15:24

LordPercyPercy · 15/07/2024 14:48

Personally, I don't really find a great deal of fault with the other people there... Remember, you are a stranger to them. On holiday, it's natural to want to stick around with, and socialise with, your actual friends/family. Not some random stranger who always seems to be tagging along. They don't know you from Adam. And although it's a bit unkind to seem to be purposely leaving you out, they are under no obligation to adopt you into the fold. Presumably they paid the same money you did for the holiday, and want to spend it with the people they already know and like. Not a Random.

Found the Mean Girl. OP didn't "tag along", she was specifically invited. No excluse for unkindness. You'd also do well to remember that in future in your own interactions with others.

She wasn't invited by the other women though. She was invited by ONE mutual. OP said herself, she didn't know any of the other women, and they didn't know her.
She was a stranger to them.
All the fault here lies with the "friend" who invited her. And while it would have been nice for them to make her feel more included, I can understand why they were not apparently falling over themselves to do so.

Deathraystare · 15/07/2024 14:54

@RampantIvy
Apologies then!