Page 2 | Aibu to want to go home

geekygirldoesnotfitin · 2024-07-13T13:19:52+00:00

Hi A friend of mine asked me to go on holiday with her and a few of her friends. I don't know these friends but she begged me saying she really wanted me there. I agreed and paid for my trip. When I turned up to the airport there were two different groups of her friends. Neither group really know each other but both groups are close friends. That's fine. I only know my friend who asked me to come but was happy to get to know others. Since we arrived I have chatted and asked about each person and got on with the holiday. Some of the friends have chatted here and there. My friend has tended to stick with one group in particular and I haven't had much chance to spend time with her. Again fine with me normal as I don't expect to me joined at the hip. It's become very obvious that I'm the odd one out. For whatever reason people don't seem to want to engage with me. I have reflected to make sure I haven't said or done anything to hurt or upset anyone and I honestly don't think I have. Initially it was just them chatting amongst themselves but now they are actively avoiding me. For eg they were all in the pool chatting so I got in and they got out. When I got out a few minutes later they all got back in. During conversations I chip in and get ignored. I try to repeat myself but give up joining in as it's obvious I'm an annoyance. Both groups decided to go to the bar and asked each individual but missed me out. I'm a bit quieter than most but I do chat and show an interest. Yesterday I became very unwell unexpectedly and had to lay down in my room for the afternoon. This morning the groups had made plans and I tagged along with one. I ended up walking behind alone as they were walking next to each other and there was no room unless I stepped in the road. When I came down this morning after being in my room poorly no one said hello but when someone else came just after they made a big fuss and had already messaged the person to check they were ok. I'm a big girl and can accept that people don't like me or don't want me around but it seems the more I go do my own thing the more they are annoyed when I return. I feel quite alone and confused. I'm the only one here who is a mum with young dc. I miss my dc and feel like I should try get a flight home early on my own. If I was able to be involved and felt welcome that would be fine but I just can't seem to do the right thing and I'm starting to feel self conscious and a bit upset. I have a few days left and I'm not sure what to do for the best.

daisychain01 · 21/07/2024 04:50

I will never go on a trip like that again that's for sure.

very wise move, @geekygirldoesnotfitin

It reminded me of when I made the worst decision ever which was to go on holiday with two firm friends from work. Two's company three's a crowd applies. I don't know what possessed me, agreeing to that. They ignored me for the whole week, it was the most dreadful and depressing experience ever! Never again. I'd sooner go on holiday alone.

Codlingmoths · 21/07/2024 04:16

False friends are like autumn leaves, found everywhere.
true friends are like diamonds, precious and rare

Mmhmmn · 21/07/2024 01:58

Am805463 · 13/07/2024 14:54

I would get a flight home early, I wouldn’t tell them either other than a quick text. Awful behaviour from them.

Glad to see you came home early and spending time with actual friends. Drop the one that invited you on that shitshow of a holiday.

BriansGotHisWinkyOutAgain · 21/07/2024 01:48

geekygirldoesnotfitin · 20/07/2024 20:34

Hi

Thanks so much to everyone who has commented.

I haven't been back on to update as I was tired when I got home then one on my dc was poorly and kindly passed it to me. I have been working and sleeping and not much else.

I haven't heard from my friend since I have been back.
When she asked if I was ok the night before I left I said yes and that I was just missing my dc. I didn't want to deal with any drama and I had made the decision to go and distance myself anyway.
I will never go on a trip like that again that's for sure.
I'm happy to be back with my family and friends and I have been speaking as normal to my other friends and so feel much better about it all now.
I am going out for dinner tomorrow with a real friend and she invited me simply because she likes spending time together so it made me realise that it's not totally a me problem. My other real friend asked if I wanted to go for a walk with her this morning as she did not know I had been unwell. Being around/communicating with them has been very healing.

Thanks again

I'm so glad you have spent quality time with your true friends. You're a much better person than I am for being serene!

SoreAndTired1 · 21/07/2024 00:15

thisisthelifeamtold · 20/07/2024 23:38

How awful, thats rude and basically kind of ignorant. So I think, if you can, maybe try and book yourself on something fun, or whatever is available, and say, "am gonna do this tomoro if anyone's fancying coming?" And if your met with no takers or something like, "who does she think she is?" Then go do your own thing and forget em. That's if it's affordable to stay and do that, if it's better for you in terms of your own well being to go home to your family and wee ones, go, cos it ain't worth it to stay and feel upset.

Edited

Please read all of the OP's replies. She's been back home for days now!

thisisthelifeamtold · 20/07/2024 23:38

How awful, thats rude and basically kind of ignorant. So I think, if you can, maybe try and book yourself on something fun, or whatever is available, and say, "am gonna do this tomoro if anyone's fancying coming?" And if your met with no takers or something like, "who does she think she is?" Then go do your own thing and forget em. That's if it's affordable to stay and do that, if it's better for you in terms of your own well being to go home to your family and wee ones, go, cos it ain't worth it to stay and feel upset.

VeryHappyBunny · 20/07/2024 23:28

Tartfulodger · 20/07/2024 20:38

So she is getting away with treating you appallingly then. You're far more forgiving than I am. I would have given her both barrels and not held back. What she did was unforgivable.

Show quote history

I don't think this "friend" is worth the trouble or energy of even bothering to let her know how you feel, just don't have any more contact. You've got too busy a schedule to fit her in if she ever calls. A true friend would never have behaved as she did and you are well rid of her. Eventually those sort of people alienate everyone and they end up on their own. The fact she "begged" you to go suggests one of their "mates" dropped out and they needed a patsy to cover the cost, if it hadn't been you it would have been someone else. Whoever it was would have been treated the same as you were, it definitely wasn't personal.

I'm glad you're back with your family and true friends and feeling better. Wishing you a happy life because you deserve it.

Trappistic · 20/07/2024 23:00

I have found coming home from a holiday I'm not enjoying can give one a great sense of independence and liberation. Providing it isn't costing you more than you can afford just leave all that stress and anxiety behind. As for the people have had the misfortune to get involved with, I would forget the lot of them. The people at home will be delighted to have you back and give you the love you clearly deserve

FreebieWallopFridge · 20/07/2024 22:35

CANCEL THE CHEQUE

Hedgehog23 · 20/07/2024 22:34

Take a book, find places to go yourself and see things, find places to eat out yourself. Try and enjoy yourself, but ignore them all.

AngelusBell · 20/07/2024 22:26

geekygirldoesnotfitin · 13/07/2024 17:07

Thanks all

You have made me feel a bit better. You're all so lovely.

I had a little bit of time feeling sorry for myself and then took myself off to the bar for a while. Now I'm in my room relaxing and will be taking a solo walk later where il find somewhere to eat.
Luckily I do have my own room.
The place we are staying in is lovely.
I will have to get on a bus to the airport with them. I plan on just sitting quietly and going through the motions.

An earlier flight would be expensive so I have decided to stay and use it as a rest before going back home to my dc.

I have spoken to my eldest dc too so feel a bit better.

That’s what I would do as well - you can relax and enjoy the last few days, hopefully find a good beach read and get some rest.

Pearl97 · 20/07/2024 21:28

I would like you to tell her why you left too. People get away with things like this too often and it’s not fair.
i get you probably don’t want to get, but b time please consider it.
For Now enjoy being home surrounded by people who love you.
I wish this had never happened to you, but at least you’ve learnt some people are not worth your time.

Nanny0gg · 20/07/2024 21:28

Dibbydoos · 20/07/2024 21:25

Are there any other people around @geekygirldoesnotfitin if there are, try smiling at them or chatting as you queue up for drinks/breakfast etc. If not you have 2 choices,

stay and entertain yourself (it'll be lonely and you will def know you're beibg left out)
get a flight home.

If it were me I'd probably go home cos every day is going to be pointedly being left out, right up until you land back home.

Their behaviour not yours, op, esp your alleged friend, wtf!

You on the other hand sound lovely. Here's a big hug x

🤦🏼‍♀️

Dibbydoos · 20/07/2024 21:25

Are there any other people around @geekygirldoesnotfitin if there are, try smiling at them or chatting as you queue up for drinks/breakfast etc. If not you have 2 choices,

stay and entertain yourself (it'll be lonely and you will def know you're beibg left out)
get a flight home.

If it were me I'd probably go home cos every day is going to be pointedly being left out, right up until you land back home.

Their behaviour not yours, op, esp your alleged friend, wtf!

You on the other hand sound lovely. Here's a big hug x

Dery · 20/07/2024 21:11

This:

“PreciousMahoney · Today 20:46
Glad you're feeling better and meeting up with lovely real friends.

I can understand you not wanting drama, but if this so called friend contacts you again I would tell her the real story of why you left.

I'm stupidly cross on your behalf, what horrible people.”

Silvers11 · 20/07/2024 20:58

PuckishTurn · 20/07/2024 20:54

This is your holiday, so make the best of it and blank the women blanking you. You deserve a lovely holiday so read a book, have a treatment, sunbathe. Ignore them. You only get one life, make the most of it.

The OP is now home and meeting up with other friends........

PuckishTurn · 20/07/2024 20:54

This is your holiday, so make the best of it and blank the women blanking you. You deserve a lovely holiday so read a book, have a treatment, sunbathe. Ignore them. You only get one life, make the most of it.

PreciousMahoney · 20/07/2024 20:46

Glad you're feeling better and meeting up with lovely real friends.

I can understand you not wanting drama, but if this so called friend contacts you again I would tell her the real story of why you left.

I'm stupidly cross on your behalf, what horrible people.

steelingmyself · 20/07/2024 20:46

Just read all of this.

Glad your back home happily with your family.

They are horrible.

MeAgainAndAgain · 20/07/2024 20:41

@geekygirldoesnotfitin it can be a horrible realisation that the people we regard as friends see us as simply ‘people I know’. Good that you’re home and your other friends have reminded you what real friendship is.

I wouldn’t reach out to any of the holiday people even if one reaches out to you. They all saw what was happening and chose to remain quiet.

Nanna60 · 20/07/2024 20:40

Hi l am glad that your home with your family and true friends.
Don’t even give them bad girls a second thought between themselves they are probably not real friends anyway.
be happy-

Tartfulodger · 20/07/2024 20:38

geekygirldoesnotfitin · 20/07/2024 20:34

Hi

Thanks so much to everyone who has commented.

I haven't been back on to update as I was tired when I got home then one on my dc was poorly and kindly passed it to me. I have been working and sleeping and not much else.

I haven't heard from my friend since I have been back.
When she asked if I was ok the night before I left I said yes and that I was just missing my dc. I didn't want to deal with any drama and I had made the decision to go and distance myself anyway.
I will never go on a trip like that again that's for sure.
I'm happy to be back with my family and friends and I have been speaking as normal to my other friends and so feel much better about it all now.
I am going out for dinner tomorrow with a real friend and she invited me simply because she likes spending time together so it made me realise that it's not totally a me problem. My other real friend asked if I wanted to go for a walk with her this morning as she did not know I had been unwell. Being around/communicating with them has been very healing.

Thanks again

So she is getting away with treating you appallingly then. You're far more forgiving than I am. I would have given her both barrels and not held back. What she did was unforgivable.

Original poster

geekygirldoesnotfitin · 20/07/2024 20:34

Hi

Thanks so much to everyone who has commented.

I haven't been back on to update as I was tired when I got home then one on my dc was poorly and kindly passed it to me. I have been working and sleeping and not much else.

I haven't heard from my friend since I have been back.
When she asked if I was ok the night before I left I said yes and that I was just missing my dc. I didn't want to deal with any drama and I had made the decision to go and distance myself anyway.
I will never go on a trip like that again that's for sure.
I'm happy to be back with my family and friends and I have been speaking as normal to my other friends and so feel much better about it all now.
I am going out for dinner tomorrow with a real friend and she invited me simply because she likes spending time together so it made me realise that it's not totally a me problem. My other real friend asked if I wanted to go for a walk with her this morning as she did not know I had been unwell. Being around/communicating with them has been very healing.

Thanks again

OP posts:

HollyKnight · 20/07/2024 20:34

AgileGreenSeal · 20/07/2024 20:20

I’m thinking of starting a thread on the subject of snarky posters complaining about untimely replies to posts - anyone care to comment?

just make sure you check for updates before you do or the comment monitor will slap your wrists 🤣🤣🤣

But what is the point of responding if you don't actually care if the OP reads it or not? I don't understand wanting to help someone but not looking to see if the thing you are going to say is even relevant.

folderole · 20/07/2024 20:29

yanbu