Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that 2 vastly different people from different walks of life can't sustain a long term relationship?

37 replies

Mahanii · 13/07/2024 10:13

Would love some opinions on this.

Imagine 2 people - one highly educated, professional job, reads a lot, no social media, no TV, bit of a hippy. The other left school with no qualifications, manual job, watches a lot of TV, spends a lot of time online, very rough and ready. Both have children. The one thing they have in common is their love for the outdoors. They can also make each other laugh.

Can these 2 make it work? Once the honeymoon period is over and the novelty has worn off, is there enough to sustain a relationship?

OP posts:
Whatdoyouneedsonia32789 · 13/07/2024 10:55

Mahanii · 13/07/2024 10:31

Isn't how you choose to spend your time on this earth a value?
There is definitely connection and attraction but my question is, do these kinds of relationships go the distance?

Edited

I suppose how you use your time might be a reflection of your values

eg I don’t sit down to watch tv because I think people who do that are lazy and superficial

But you might choose to forgive that in someone else who has been out on a building sight doing a physical job for 10 hours a day?

So it’s not about how you use your time so much, but the person they are underneath that.

ricecrispiecakes · 13/07/2024 10:51

You could be describing my marriage, though both of us like to watch TV.

I have to say it works really well, but we're both pretty fiercely independent and are happy to just do our own thing, for the most part.

Whatdoyouneedsonia32789 · 13/07/2024 10:50

Oh yes, forgot politics!

Original poster
Mahanii · 13/07/2024 10:49

So far (and it's early days) both are on their best behaviour - TV watcher is giving up TV watching time to be with the one who likes deep chats and stargazing 😄 and it all feels very "we're so lucky for our extremely different paths to have somehow crossed".

OP posts:
Whatdoyouneedsonia32789 · 13/07/2024 10:49

Of course they can! I think a relationship like that can work very well!

And I think it’s more about values op than habits.

What about the man’s attitude to women? And vice versa?

Do you roughly have the same outlook about money and how it should be saved or spent?

Do you want dc? If so, how do you want to raise them?

What about the balance of power in a relationship?

What about morality? Religion? That sort of thing?

greenwoodentablelegs · 13/07/2024 10:40

Depends of the TV watcher is giving up quality time together to watch crap TV or they can both do the things they enjoy at the same time.

5128gap · 13/07/2024 10:40

You could be describing me and my DP there. It works for us, the things we don't have in common we do with other people, and the things we do have in common we share. That said, this is not a relationship of mutual plans for a future, building a life together, creating a family, because that's not where we are in our lives, so the only thing we need to worry about is enjoying each others company when we're together.

ThisNoisyTealLurker · 13/07/2024 10:39

I think it depends on shared values and plans for the future. My fiancé and I are quite different, he has a corporate job, sociable, outdoorsy. I’m a homebody, work in a low paid care job and like being introverted but it works because we give each other space to do our own thing. But we both value the same things, share opinions on politics, parenting and have a laugh together. It can work as long as you don’t put too much emphasis on the differences.

KreedKafer · 13/07/2024 10:35

It depends on the couple. Some people wouldn’t be able to make it work but some would.

Original poster
Mahanii · 13/07/2024 10:31

Isn't how you choose to spend your time on this earth a value?
There is definitely connection and attraction but my question is, do these kinds of relationships go the distance?

OP posts:
cupcaske123 · 13/07/2024 10:20

Maybe their differences turn each other on. There's obviously a deep connection there or they wouldn't have got married.

Catsbreakfast · 13/07/2024 10:15

If you’re that superficial that you place the success of your relationship on how much tv you watch, and not shared values and morals, then I dare say it won’t last.