To have a niggling feeling that my bf won't propose to me?

Words are cheap, OP.

If you said, "I'm not waiting around 4 years for you to marry me, so shit or get off the pot", what would he do?

Of course he says he loves you every day and of course, he says he can't live without you.
And yet, and yet... this man knows you want to be married-not unreasonable given that you have his child-and won't do it.
He knows it is what you want, there is no legal or moral impediment so why won't he do it?
The only answer is he doesn't want to and he doesn't have to be worry that you will say "sod this. I'm off" because he knows you won't and maybe he doesn't care if he did.
Tell you he loves you, tells you he can't live without you-he's laughing into his socks at you swallowing this bullshit.
This may seem harsh but there are harsher times coming your way if you don't mature, and get a grip.

So you're okay with a 5 year gap between siblings, OP? If indeed you can conceive at 41. Your partner will with 46 by then, and which means at best, if you conceive right after the wedding, he'll be 64 by the time your second child hits 18. And probably older given you'll likely need fertility assistance once you're past 40. I honestly don't understand why you're fine with this.

Well OP, if you're so secure in your relationship, why would you have niggling feelings at all and why would you think of posting this thread for opinions? You have an argument ready for every cautionary post.

I think you could be deluding yourself but that you should crack on regardless because you seem 'happy' there.

I hope it all works out for you, I wish you well. I'm leaving it there now.

It doesn't matter what he says, it matters what he does.

I too badly misjudged your ages, OP. I thought you were both young (mid-late 20s or thereabouts). I was shocked when you said you were 37 and 41.

I'm very sad reading your posts because you would marry tomorrow, in a heartbeat if your 'partner' would. He won't, he's waiting for some sort of ideal condition (in his head) and that might never ever appear.

Even now, you're going to a wedding and will 'see how he feels'. Why the hell is it all about him? He's done a number on you, bound you to him with future-faking and pie-crust 'promises' that don't mean a thing.

You say that you're secure in your own right, financially. I really hope that is true, for yours and for your daughter's sake because whatever he says, what he does is what's important.

For someone who says he loves you, he cloaks that very well. I don't give a fig what HIS parents think of you, what do YOUR parents think of him and your situation?

Forget his words-they are cheap-and look at his actions.

Holy shit? 41? I am really shocked. Because at 41 you KNOW whether you are the marrying kind or not. Maybe you’ve been waiting fir “the one” or you experience yourself as a confirmed bachelor but you know, deep down.

And you know, or ought to know, how reassuring marriage would be to your pregnant gf and child. Marriage says “I plan for our joint future.”

You have made your desires pretty ckear. He knows how anxious you are. I really see the “wait four years” as some kind of topic secret probation.

OP, in your latest posts, you say you're happy as you are, but everything else you say screams otherwise

Please don't be one of the many, many women on here who live like a married woman with the protection that entails when you eg give up work, become primary carer for DD, contribute to his mortgage etc, only to discover you have ZERO rights when the relationship ends

You are single and you need to manage your finances accordingly

@Cheesygirl Almost always, if a man wants to marry a woman then he will marry her.
Dress it up any which way you like but that has been the case since the dawn of time.
Don't hang around being treated in this disrespectful way-he knows how you feel and he is holding himself off as if he is a prize.
One day, he will fall in love with someone, someone he can't bear to think of living without and you'll be standing there watching him get married with maybe your daughter as a bridesmaid!
The one thing you do know is that he doesn't feel like that about you.
Put your begging bowl to one side, tell him to thread any ring through the end of his prick and pack his bag. Some might say that might make him reassess his view towards you and indeed it might but do you want someone who has to be begged and bullied into it.
Reassess your view of him. He's not worth much and he doesn't think you're worth much either. Find someone who loves you.

“Heading officially towards engagement…” You want to get engaged to get engaged to get married? Get a cohabitation agreement and talk about adult things like money. You really need to do this but I don’t understand why a cohabitation agreement would “rule out” the type of relationship you have: it would specify the type of relationship you have and it would make you both talk about things you should have agreed on long ago

If he wanted to, he would... and sometimes, it really is just that simple.

Im not saying he doesn’t want to ever, but his lack of action is showing you that he doesn’t want to right now.

Stop applying pressure by asking him, or bringing up rings.

“People’s actions will always show you what is important to them. Actions express priority.”

OP, if you're not going to have another child before you're married, but you're fine for the wedding to be in four years, then it's likely you won't have another child at all. You're at the tail end of your fertility as it is. Waiting till 41 is madness if you want a sibling for your daughter. Only one in ten women conceive naturally after 40. You absolutely have to wrap your head around that.

It's not just about tax benefits, as you well know. It also confers the right to a fair and equal division of assets in the event of divorce. OP's 'boyfriend' knows this, of course, and is probably wary of OP ending up with a share of his house. But he should have thought of that before he got her pregnant. She is now the mother of his child, and deserves the legal protection of marriage.

Instead of all this fluffy language about commitment and status just tell him you want a registry wedding.

Why the fuck wouldn't the parents have formed an opinion about their son for not using adequate protection from pregnancy? Jesus, the misogyny.

You need to read on. The thread has changed quite a lot.

Anyeay I haven’t missed the point. I simply wouldn’t marry for tax benefits.

You seem to have missed the point that marriage confers rights and tax benefits. There are solid practical reasons why it's a good idea for OP, whether he's thrilled by it or not.

Sorry OP when I wrote that I had not read your latest update. Seems like you are being very wise. All the best.

OP I am sorry for your predicament and wish you all the best. But, as others have said, it does not matter at all what other people think about your relationship (unless you and they have shared strong religious values). Mostly, they won't give it a thought at all. Nowadays in England and Wales more people over 16 are unmarried than married www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2024/jan/25/proportion-of-married-people-in-england-and-wales-falls-below-50-for-first-time Being married is no longer the norm for adults.

When you meet someone, do you really think about their marital status? And do you think that they will be thinking about yours? Surely not. They really won't notice or care whether you wear a ring or not. There are no rules about who wears a ring on whatever finger, and I know several people who are married but don't wear any rings at all.

The only thing that ultimately matters in a marriage is how the two spouses feel about the legal, financial, moral and emotional commitments created by their marriage to each other. Engagements and rings are legally meaningless, and fancy weddings, ring-bearers etc are fun if you both like that sort of thing, but by no means essential. Certainly not a valid excuse for waiting four more years IF, IF, IF both parties are willing....

I think seeing your ages surprises me too. I assumed you were both in your 20s. At your ages if he isn't ready to be engaged then he probably never will be.