To have a niggling feeling that my bf won't propose to me?

Decide upon a timescale, eg 1 year. Don’t bring up the rings / engagement conversation in that time- if it comes up naturally, reiterate that you would like to be married sooner rather than later, especially to provide security for your child.

At the end of that timescale ask him for a serious talk - you have been clear that you want to get married. You would like to discuss whether he is on the same page and if so, when is it likely to happen? If he waffles again you can then decide whether you stay or go.

(You can still have a “surprise” engagement if you wish, but for example DP knew we needed to start trying for children by a certain point due to age, so I knew we would get engaged before I turned 35 so we could start trying).

I think I agree with you @RosesAndHellebores

Nothing on this thread stacks for me.

The language of "gonna", "lol", "kid", "promise rings" doesn't.

The financial independence of both parties, aged 41 and 37 whilst neither of you owns your own home and you are saving to do so on a four year plan.

The assumption of midwives and Dr's that you were husband and wife when you were in labour. 30 years ago when we had our first hcps didn't assume people were married and didn't acknowledge it. The culture was right on and only the word "partner" was used.

Just out of nosiness, have either of you been engaged, married or co-owned a house before now? I’m wondering if he’s been burnt in a previous relationship or if he's a bit of a Peter Pan

I was not going to comment as I thought you were early 20s. Then I saw your actual ages, he is a similar age to my DP. He’s happy as things are living together and parenting together, nothing serious but there to see his child each day. It does not sound like he wants any of that to change anytime soon and that’s unfair when you are the mother of his child, 37 and would like to be married so you feel like you have a little bit more security.

So sorry no I do not think he is going to change anytime soon and my suggestion to you would be to aim higher for a person who you love and that you are the love of their life.

And for perspective I’m 50 never married with an adult child. I’ve been with my DP and the love of my life for 20ish years and we only got engaged a few years ago. Still not got any further but we are and have always been fully committed, best friends and own a home together. IF we had been lucky enough to have been able to have a baby we would have married before the baby arrived to give our child the best security and life that we could manage.

The misogyny is strong in you, isn't it?

Honestly, if you keep nagging him with persistent talk and ultimatums about engagements and marriage, you will get a Shut Up Ring.

Well I didn’t say a proposal had to be made to get married. You can say to each other let’s get married, of course you can.

What I SAID was just because you’ve discussed getting married does not mean you’re then engaged.

Well you believe what you want to OP but you don’t sound convinced

All any of us posters care about is you protecting yourself.
We have daughters.
Protect yourself pet...that's all.
No more, no less.

Don’t suggest the ring. The ring doesn’t cut it imo.

Please think hard about the issue of any more children OP. Time isn't really on your side if you do want another and you can't afford for this man to mess you around for years. Good luck anyway and I hope you get everything you want.

OP, just tell him that all that nonsense / deflecting yesterday has annoyed you and is making you question the type of man he is.

Ask him whether he is scared or anxious for some reason about proposing to you. If so why? If he says no, then tell him you can only assume he doesn’t want to then.

If he talks about getting married down the line, well ok, but there is no reason he can’t get you an aquamarine engagement ring now and propose, is there? Nothing stopping him whatsoever. It wouid make you happy and he knows this. So he can get on with it - easy.

If he’s dithering about commitment, he needs to man up and get over it because that ship has sailed when your daughter was born.

I would tell him in an honest, non-confrontational way that you find his dithering and silly waffle about Haribo to be a turn-off. Tell him you are letting him know that the ball is in his court now. Tell him he should know you well enough now, as the mother of his child, to recognise that being proposed to is something you would like. So what is stopping him? Tell him to grow up and act like the man you deserve. Be honest with him that talk of Haribo makes him sound like a teenager and this is not sn attractive quality, by any measure. Nothing to stop him going to the jewellers and putting some effort in for you at this time of life. It’s not hard. Good luck with this.

Well there's only one way to find out, isn't there?

But: not devastated enough to move up his invisible time line?

I can’t respect this level of performative passion without action.

Today’s guardian has an interesting article about mismatched but fated couples: closeted gay men, a religious divide, a couple where she is 22years older, and a lovely couple where the woman is 6,3 and the msn 5 foot 8.

The significant thing about the last couple is that they had only been together five months when she got pregnant. He knew he wanted to be with her and the baby. I don’t know whether he tells her every day—Im pretty sure he does—but he scrambled together 50 pounds and opened a savings account for the baby before she was born. He knew that this was a commitment and he wanted to make it and he acted as well as he could to show her his commitment and love. And that is what is still true in the relationship—he looks at what she needs and wants and supports her in getting it.

It doesn’t matter that you need the engagement and he can’t be bothered. The fact that you need it should be enough for him.

I think the main reason you come across as much younger than 37, OP, is because you seem hopelessly naive. There is a huge difference between what men say and what they really think or want to do. So many men 'manage' the women in their lives, and will say whatever it takes to keep them in line with what they want. I really do think you need to wake up to the fact that his actions do not align with his words.

@Cheesygirl
At best that's insincere and, at worst, it's untrue.
Leave him. Witness this devastation.

You are treating yourself like a tin of beans-he knows it will always be there on the shelf-he doesn't have to make a special trip to Harrods to get it-it's something commonplace.
Start treating yourself like a once in a lifetime offer-he acts now or you're off-be the limited edition watch not the tin of beans.

You are coming across as very gullible and I imagine he knows this.

He will be leaving you at some point when he meets someone who won't let him swing out of her for a couple of kind words so you may as well bite the bullet and leave now.

I fear for your heart and self-esteem.

Thank god that we are not in the 19c when women had to wait for men to make all the decisions.
Tell him. “Ring on finger or I won’t linger.”
😉