To have a niggling feeling that my bf won't propose to me?

Do you want this non-engagement ring as a private thing between you, or are you going to tell people it is a symbolic non-engagement ring?? They will think you are crazy!

Living together, having a baby together, sharing finances, loving each other and showing respect for each other bigger "symbols of commitment" than a non-engagement ring.

tbh I think you want to be married and you want it now and you are trying to find something to satisfy that, while he comes up with reasons to delay, hoping he springs a surprise romantic proposal on you in the future. There is nothing wrong with wanting it now. Tell him if you don't want to wait, there is no reason to wait - your dd will not remember being a flower girl/she can still be in the pictures. Most couples talk about marriage and both agree timelines together before any proposal.

Adult enough? What an odd way of putting it.

You want marriage now and he wants it “later”. You want a tangible commitment-which you have given by having a baby with him—and he wants to put off making a similar commitment.

Your wants are not childish and his wants are not realistic. They are counteroffers in a negotiation. A negotiation in which your starting point (I need a public commitment and marriage) is literally being ignored.

I wouldn't be discussing engagement rings, I'd be discussing marriage. A ring means nothing but lulls people (usually women) into that false sense of security that is just a smokescreen and they find that, 11 years later, nothing has changed. For your and your child's financial future, I'd want him to commit to a wedding date or he'd better have a damn good reason - I know you think everything's hunky-dory and don't want to upset him, but, if you want to get married then I wouldn't let him wriggle out of setting a date.* *

I think you might be ignoring your guy a little bit here. Regardless of what he has said, his behaviour with his previous partner is a sign.

you feel uneasy for a reason.

You are doing too much inferring from
passing comments and small statements.

you have a child, sit down and address it properly, stop trying to be a detective or mind reader. It doesn’t work.

say what you want and what next steps you want to take in the relationship and long term legal commitment. Don’t be wishy washy. If you want to get married say so. Then find out if he wants the same things, then agree a timeline if he does and rings and budgets etc.

don’t sit around waiting for a man (whose child you’ve birthed) decides wether he wants to marry you or not with no input from you.

marriage and engagement shouldn’t be a surprise it should be an ongoing discussion. At most the proposal can be if that’s your type of thing. But you should know what is happening and that it’s coming

@Cheesygirl a ring is a piece of jewellery.
Not a sign of commitment.

A ring is fuck all. DH and I have been married for 20 years and neither of us wears a ring.

Good luck, OP. I for one will be interested to hear how it pans out. Hope you get what you need x

Good luck with it all OP.

He’d be getting me to the end of my tether with him if I’m honest; BUT we are all different, and we can’t know him or your circumstances fully. I’ve totally changed my opinion based on your ages ( imagined you were a pushy little madam at the start: jumpstarted the family, then pushing the put-a-ring-on-it before he was fully shaving). But I realise a lot of us got that very wrong, which only goes to show we only see a mere portion of the picture online.

I can see this relationship means a lot to you, and I understand how waiting for him would seem the right path for your DC. So I’m not going to say more now to pick apart your relationship, save to warn you to keep in mind some of the comments here as you move forward and interpret developments - and I wish you the best.

Where were you living before you moved in with him?

Is engagement important to you because he has been married and engaged before? Is that what it's about - that the exes had a status (in your eyes) that you don't have?

His previous relationships have a number of red flags - they both cheated? I wonder why.

Because they were cheating twats? Or is it still all the man's fault if a woman cheats on him?

You are being mugged off though. You know this really. His previous relationships have a number of red flags - they both cheated? I wonder why.

OP, sulking is deliberately manipulative. He's punishing you for trying to have an adult discussion.

But clearly nothing anyone says on here is going to change your mind about him.

It’s the outing where you looked at then talked about then sulked about rings.

11 years is a long time. Do you know how far into the relationship they got engaged?

This shows that getting engaged isn’t the issue. It’s the marriage that will give you what you need. An engagement without the desire to get married in the near future is almost meaningless I’m afraid

together for 11 yrs and he never married her although they were engaged

There is your answer. That is who he is. Believe his actions.

Is that what you want, a perpetual engagement, without any legal security?

Where were you living before you moved in with him?

How come he was engaged but didn't marry his previous partner if they were together for 11 years? Did he not want children with her?

So you're in a relationship with a man who has said maybe he'll marry you in four years' time, who was previously with another woman for 11 years and was engaged to her but never ended up marrying her?

When someone tells you who they are, OP, believe them.

I don't believe he will ever marry you.

I’m female, mid 40s previously married and now engaged.

My opinion is based on the fact that a ring gives you no more security than you currently have. I’d rather see him doing the right things from a legal and financial perspective.

You said you both want to get married when your daughter is a bit older and is involved in the wedding. Or would you actually prefer to get married sooner? If so then you should discuss that rather than engagement.

Im currently engaged and started wedding planning soon afterwards. I don’t really see the point in long engagements tbh.

Lots of couples never marry and the wider family sees the partner as a member of that family. Thats a completely normal situation.

You have a child together. That’s a greater commitment than an engagement or even marriage. A marriage can end, a child doesn’t.