To have a niggling feeling that my bf won't propose to me?

It's nothing to do with 'cool chicks' and everything to do with her communicating exactly what she wants, when she wants it and follow through if it doesn't materialize. The sitting around like a damsel in distress is doing her no favours.

You could get engaged and then he would still not marry you. You can keep playing it cool with him or show him that you are dead serious by asking for marriage within a year or reassess the situation. I also thought you were early twenties!!

He likes what he’s got—no doubt about it. But that doesn’t tell you what the future will bring.

If Im hungry I will eat what is in front of me. And I might like it very much. But I don’t commit to the same meal every day, in advance, because I expect that I might want something different in a few days. Or years.

Or I might like my rental apartment enough to decorate it/-but I don’t invest much money in it because its not mine. I will move into a forever home eventually and I save my money snd keep my options open for that.

My bro met my SIL and six months later proposed to her. If you know, you know. If people want to be with you for the long haul they generally want to make the public and legal commitment.

Of course there are all the cool chicks here with “he never said a word to me in 63 years of cohabitation and that’s just the way I like it!” “I never had no ring in two separate marriages and Im happy as a clam” etc..

But you have a baby already and he seems to want a monopoly on your time, body, fertility, and gf labour. Its quite reasonable to want him to piss or get off the pot.

But we are serious not just to see his child every day. That's the difference
How do you know that? You got pregnant before you even knew each other so you're not really going to know whether it's because of the baby, are you? He sticks around whether he really wants to or not. He told you that 🙄
Not pushing anything guys we are adults here. If he wants to marry me and get engaged I take it why lie . It doesn't make sense for a grown man in his fourties. He wouldn't have even wanted the baby if he wasn't serious or move in together. Let's be real
Someone does need to be real here
Umm, lets see. Why would he lie? 😂
He was with someone else for 11 years without marrying and, of course he's going to tell you the version that he knows will sit best with you. He's in his forties. Clearly not 'great' at relationships. And now he has something he's never had and may never have. A child
Having a baby might have got him to stick around, but a ring is just that. A nice piece of jewellery that you seem to think is some kind of contract. It wasn't last time 🤷‍♀️

My niece got engaged at Christmas, married in May. They've been together around 10 years. Believe him when he tells you he loves you and wants to marry you. He obviously wants certain things in place before officially proposing. Enjoy your life together as it is for now. No big rush for anything else.

This guy sounds worse with every update OP. So he strung his last gf along as well? But you don’t know the “ins and outs of it”?
He’s 41. If he wanted to be married, he’d be married.
He doesn't want to be married. I’m sorry.

I really don't get why you're gonna sit in your hands like a plum for another couple of years. It's just a complete waste of your time.

If you keep up the pushing, you’re in danger of driving him away. However ‘right’ you are. Do you want that?

I had a boyfriend who gave me an “eternity ring” when I was 24, but whenever I’d try to talk to him about getting engaged or married everything would always be a vague number of years into the future. 4 years later when I confronted him and asked for a clear date he confessed and said he actually had no plans to get married anytime soon. We broke up shortly after.
My ex husband proposed 6 months after we met and we got married 1 year after he proposed. Men who actually want to get married do so, regardless of the excuses we make for those that dance around the subject.

He's doing everything a loving partner should be doing but you're still not happy? He was probably planning a surprise engagement but you've dampened it now with pestering him.

Maybe to him the getting married when your baby is a bit older is like said&done, all decided? Right he doesn't want to get engaged or married right now becaus he's convinced you agreed on doing this in a few years?

Yes, accept he’s told you his timescales and negotiate to pull them closer in time if you want it sooner and the reasons why that’s important to you - he sounds like a decent guy and no men like pressure put on them about when to get engaged. He’s told you already how he feels - now you need to tell him streightif you want it happening sooner!

Why does it matter whether you're engaged/married? You have a child together. Being engaged or married doesn't guarantee lifetime comittment. Chill out.

That's not what I said though ?

I said he's a cheeky fucker for saying 4 more years! When they're already a year and a half in and have a child together!

(Plus that would take op into territory where conceiving more children would be much harder if they are desired).

He's a cheeky fucker for not marrying a woman with whom he had an unplanned pregnancy 3 months after they met?!

Or are we back in the dark ages of shotgun weddings?

@Cheesygirl if he says he "wants to marry you" then you ARE ENGAGED!
I don't seem to understand why you think you aren't.

He's already mugging you off though. You've had a child with him and he says 'in 4 more years time' for marriage. Ha. Hahaha ha. Yeah, no. I'd have slung the cheeky fucker out on his arse for that. He's essentially told you marriage is a no.

He's a cheeky cf.

Don't wait 'a year or 2 and revisit'. That's a year or two wasted. He'll just say 'let's plan in a couple more years' and then you wait more because of sunken cost fallacy (because you've invested years already amd dont want them to feel wasted).

So essentially you just want him to buy you a ring.

You'll take it as some sort of symbol of commitment. He'll take it as, ffs she keeps going on about a "symbol" in a non-engagement ring so I'll buy her one to quieten her down, and it will mean absolutely NOTHING to him. And likely he will tell his friends/family as much if they privately ask what the ring is about. Great "symbol"!

Just tell him you want to get engaged, set a date for next summer then get married and you will know where his "commitment" is at.

A ring is not a commitment. You really need to wake up to that. Anyone can buy you anything to promise you something in the future, it means absolutely nothing. You have to get real here.

I don’t understand grown women who shack up with a guy, have a child together and then get all misty eyed about proposals. Has marriage never come up? Why are you waiting for him to ask you?

Just have an adult conversation with him about marriage. If you’re on the same page, agree a date and do it. If he doesn’t want to get married, time to reassess what’s important to you.

I really don't understand why you're being so passive about your own life.

Tbh, it sounds like you're not being adult enough to communicate what you want. You're wasting your own time here and if you're both going to sit back and not communicate (out of apparent stubbornness?) don't be surprised a few years down the line when it doesn't turn out how you would have liked it to.