To have a niggling feeling that my bf won't propose to me?

Even though your feelings are completely valid, even I was thrown off by how you suddenly mentioned engagement rings out of the blue, and not even in a jokey way but a serious way!

Op I think the conversation ( and the desire to get married) are perfectly reasonable things to be seeking.

But I do agree with this post that trying to launch the conversation off from the topic of the ring sends all the wrong messages. At this rate you will put him off.

Fwiw, although we can’t actually tell from a thread, I think he will come good on it provided you don’t make him feel manipulated or pressured. If you want to hurry things along, just have a straight conversation about the important bits: I want our dd to have the security of the marriage … or whatever it is. Don’t act like you just want to flash a shiny ring. It’s true that women don’t have to wait for men to raise these things, but it’s equally true that people can’t compel people to go about things when and in a way they don’t want to.

Edited to add if you were trying to use the ring to kickstart the conversation and it really isn’t about the ring, you’d have been better to say “ but I don’t care about any of that.” I know someone who waited years hinting and prodding for a proposal. She’d built up her ring requirements to such a fever pitch in his mind that he was taking time to earn the money!

Agreeing to marry is what an engagement is, it doesn't have to be bloke on one knee with a ring, all hearts and flowers - in fact this is a very modern concept.

Also, all the business of wanting your DD to be bridesmaid so waiting 3 years or more is daft. Marriage is an important legal contract. It impacts medical, financial and parental responsibilities. This aspect is far more important than your DD wearing a pretty dress and preceding you up the aisle.

Please sit down and have a proper, adult conversation, remove the twee romance from the picture and if you both want to get married just go and do it.

If the conversation leads elsewhere, then you have things to worry about.

He says he "wants to marry you" - that's sounds engaged to me.
Engaged doesn't mean a proposal.
Engaged doesn't mean a ring.
You also don't need a wedding to be married - you need the legal bit which can be done at the registrar office.
You need to be firm.
"Right Mr Boyfriend you need to book a day off work so we can go get the marriage licence. Here is a list of documents you need [Google will tell you what] so can you get them together and then we will book the next available date for the ceremony. I will ask X and Y to be our witnesses unless you have a specific person you want".

I don't understand either.

Wake up woman! You are not some poor simpering little flower. Ask him to marry you. Propose to him. He will instantly say yes if he wants to get married. Then you pick a date. Men who want to be married actively work towards it happening.

Getting married costs a couple of hundred pounds for the legal work. This can be done within weeks. Then you can save up for an amazing wedding that could happen at any point in the future. You don’t actually even need to tell anyone that you were legally married years before. That is basically just a legal appointment.

I asked him to sign a cohabitation agreement with me but didn't want to saying real love doesn't need contracts and he finds it insulting.

Who owns the house? Who is paying what percentage to the bills compared to wages? Did he support you financially during your maternity leave?

I agree with you, I strongly suspect he is future faking you.

@YaWeeFurryBastard so the 6 couples you know fall in this category and therefore it must be true? 😄

I don't understand why you cannot discuss this. Or why you cannot propose him if having an engagement is important to you.

If you’re getting married when your child is 3 or 4, suggest booking the wedding now and express a desire to look at venues. You’ll soon see if he’s stalling you!

You don't need to get engaged to get married. You can both plan your wedding regardless.

It sounds like you've only been together for max 2 years? So it's not that long and you're both adjusting to life with a new baby.

Your child is 5month old and fell pregnant early in the relationship- how long have you been together?

how old are you?

Are you expecting a big wedding? And to be able to afford a house soon whilst raising a child.

I wouldn’t rush everything, if you want more children would you want them at your wedding?

Sounds to me that you’re taking away any chance he has of surprising you anyway.

What’s a cohabiting agreement?

Sorry I just don’t agree with this. In every single couple I know where the man truly loves the woman and thinks she’s the “best” he’s been keen and willing to marry her.

The ones in “committed” relationships have often had one foot out the door, think they can do better, some cheated 🤢 and several have left to then go on to marry the next girlfriend quickly.

How old are you OP; this haribo nonsense is very childish.
Tell him you want to be married, agree on a date and book the registry office, it doesn’t have to be a grand affair with bridesmaids etc

And don’t have any more children with him until you are married.

Which they have.
For the le gth of their relationship he has said marrige will be around 3/4 years away.

Sounds like OP wants to beat a dead horse.

Why do you want to be engaged?

This is a serious question. What does "being engaged" give you? - apart from a pretty piece of jewellery and some attention from your friends.

You say you're not actually that bothered about being married, which is the bit that actually has legal weight, so why is it so important that you have a tangible symbol of the suggestion?

(and to the poster saying "lol" - us oldies can remember when an engagement was still "engaged to be married" and over a year was considered a long one)

If he did get down on one knee and present you with an aquamarine ring, he wouldn't be any more committed than he is now. Even if you signed a "cohabitation agreement".

If you'd like to be married, tell him this and that you want to make concrete plans. (But be prepared for him to declare that his love isn't reliant on a piece of paper...) If you don't care about marriage, then shut up about it and buy yourself a pretty ring for your little finger.

He doesn’t sound keen I’m afraid, but unfortunately he now holds most of the cards re marriage.

I know this isn’t helpful to you now OP but for others reading I cannot stress enough, if you want marriage then do not have a child before getting married. I was very careful with contraception before I married DH and was very clear if I got pregnant by mistake I was expecting marriage before the baby was born or I’d terminate, and I meant it.

I would say to him “Now we are a child and are essentially a family I would really like to be married to cement that, it’s really important to be so how about we make plans for April-25 and start getting things booked?”

If he starts back about wanting your child to be 3 or 4 say “it’s more important for me to be your wife and be a proper family and I’d like that to be soon”.

His response will tell you everything you need to know, I suppose the real question is are you willing to leave him if he actually doesn’t want to marry you?

How long have you been together?

In my opinion, you haven’t been together long enough to get married. Even though you had an accidental pregnancy. Sure there’ll be all the posters that married after 6 months and are blissfully happy 30 years on… but as a general rule: you haven’t been together long enough.

I would respect you telling me that you wanted to get married, I’d be really irritated by you staring hard at gemstones in a museum.

What was your point about a cohabitation agreement? What did you think that was going to give you?

Of course he loves you! Everything he does shows that. He sounds like a very loving and caring partner.

The question is not whether he loves you, but whether he does really want to marry you. Many men who really love their partners stay in committed relationships with children and without marrying and that is an option. But, it’s not at all sensible to not marry if you have a child together and that together with the fact that you do really want to marry means it’s understandable that you are concerned about it. But, sorry to repeat myself, but this is not an issue as to whether he loves you or not, it’s about whether (or when) he wants to marry.

He has said he wants to marry you. You have been together for a short time. You are saving for a house and I guess you will have the expense of childcare soon. Now is not actually the best time to marry. Leave it for a bit and then have a clear headed and sensible discussion about it. Yes, it’s important for you to marry but it’s too early to feel doom laden about it.

A grown woman doesn't google up pictures of rings and sit pouring over them in a pub hoping DP will notice them and start a conversation about engagement.

A grown woman very clearly sets down her expectations and boundaries and asks outright questions to things she really needs an answer to.

Maybe you should mature first and wait till you realise marriage is not a proposal and wedding, and this is a suggestion

Work out what is important first

Yes, but my point is that discussing a marriage isn't a rush when you have a child.

It can still be rushed if the relationship isn't that old.

Separating with a baby isn't nearly as difficult as a divorce. It's wise to not rush into anything