To have a niggling feeling that my bf won't propose to me?

So OP needs to know that. If he isn't committed he needs to be honest with her so she can decide what to do. Kicking the can down the road with a vague promise of 3-4 years is not cutting it.

If he had the honesty to say 'I love you and our child, I see us as an equal partnership, I'm here for the long haul but I don't want to get married,', that's OK - it may not be what the OP wants to hear, but he's been honest, and this allows OP the space to decide what she wants. Vaguely pointing to a wedding at some misty point in the future helps no-one.

It sounds like you’ve not actually been together that long.
Make sure you ensure financial stability for yourself and protect yourself and your child whilst you’re not married, but it does sound as though it’s still a bit early to be putting the pressure on about a proposal. That said, you can discuss it with him like adults - that marriage is something that is very important to you and what timeline you’d expect, and if you’re not on the same page you assess the situation.

This is.why you get the ring on your finger before you have the baby.

If he's committed to marriage and she wants a ring, what's the problem?
HTH, @Spirallingdownwards

In fairness he might not be stalling as much as making sure he feels their relationship has a future. They have not been together long. Being sure about the workability of things is not stalling, it’s sensible. Sounds to me like he thinks about three years is thd time he needs. That’s not a ludicrous window.

in the sense if he has in mind marriage in 4 years constant pressure from her to be formally engaged could lead to problems within the relationship. They have already had that conversation you refer to and he has said that he anticipates them being married in 3 to 4 years time and at no point of this thread has the OP said she feels this to be unacceptable to her. She just wants the formality of an engagement and a ring now. And he seems not to. The more she pressurises him for this the more likely he is to back off or not want to discuss it at all. HTH

It doesn’t sound like he is going to marry you. He has everything he wants right now - and the ability to walk away at any time.

Are your finances joint ?

If you don't care about marriage then stop focusing on an engagement. Engagement without plans to get married means nothing.

But a 'formal acknowledgement' means absolutely squat in the real world.

He could buy you the aquamarine ring and you'd be in exactly the same place in 3, 5, 10 years.

Well if I wanted to string someone along without actually doing anything “ serious” I’d buy them a sparkly engagement ring in the knowledge that it was nothing more than that . If serious is what you want, you’d be better to push the cohabitation agreement.

You'd be surprised at how uncommitted people can be and still manage to make a child 🤷🏼‍♀️

You’ve got a child together, that’s about as big a commitment as it gets

@Cheesygirl how about a Civil Partnership instead?

"make him back off"?
How is discussing your future with the father of your child putting him under pressure, being unreasonable or likely to make him "back off"?
He's an adult with a child and needs to be part of a discussion, as is the OP.

In theory. But I think the baby was a surprise.

because it is too soon for his timeline. It will happen when it happens. The more you apply pressure over this whether overtly or in a passive aggressive way the more likely you are to make him back off. Currently to him it feels like you are pressurising him into an engagement.

Concentrate on being a happy couple and a happy family and it will then happen naturally.

Sounds like youve not even been together two years. How soon did you move in together? And how old are you both?

And don’t have any more children with him until you are married.
This.

I completely agree. If you have a child together you can't just act like "boyfriend and girlfriend" because that has changed.

If his way and his timeline doesn't work for you (and it wouldn't work for me) then you should tell him that.

Do you want to marry him? You've never proposed to him either.... 🤷🏻‍♀️

do women really need to wait about for a man to propose in the 21st century?

If you had previously discussed marriage and he had expressed a preference for doing it in 3-4 years, and you agreed to this (or seemed to), I can understand him being a bit taken aback at a sudden discussion about engagement rings.

If that timeline no longer works for you then you need to have an honest and adult discussion about it, OP. But FWIW it does sound like he is committed to you and your child in the ways that matter.

'It doesn't sound like he's ready for marrige.
You haven't been together that long.'

They have a child together . Surely you don't have a child if you're not fully committed. Together long enough to have a child but not long enough for marriage.

Cop out, sorry.

You should have a proper, open conversation about this - not dance around it by dropping hints about aquamarine rings and Haribo rings. If you can't have a sensible, adult discussion about getting married, then getting married probably isn't a good idea. Don't wait around for 'a proposal'; this isn't 1952.

Are all your savings in the joint account? That needs rethinking. As said make sure that things are fair financially. During maternity leave, you should have put in less and you should now have the ability to overly your pension if there was any pension loss. Buying a house is pie in the sky and you can combine savings at the point of an offer. You need a back up plan if things don't work out and don't underestimate how shit men can turn when they are moving on. I've known IVF, hands on fathers just walk away. Don't be the only one to take time off if your child us ill etc. Come next year, you can say start making wedding plans, or stop lying about marriage.