To have a niggling feeling that my bf won't propose to me?

Forget the engagement ring and the fancy Disney proposal, neither matter in the least. You have agreed that you want to marry each other so its too late for silly American traditions. Sit him down and tell him you'd like to set a date now, have 3 dates to suggest. His reaction will tell you all you need to know. DO NOT allow him to deflect by saying that he wants to save for a ring/ surprise you with a proposal some day, both of those mean he's not keen at best.

Exactly this. It sounds like he doesn't really want to get married and is wriggling out of any mention of it.

Sit down, have a proper discussion at a time when you can talk without interruptions, and then think seriously about his replies. If he is still ducking and diving then decide how important marriage is to you and if you want to continue with the relationship without it.

Ignore all those people saying let him propose in his own time - if you're not careful you'll end up like one of those sad women who come on here still waiting for a proposal after 10 years...there are lots of them.

Take control of your own life.

I get the sense she’s trespassing on his style too.

Wake up & look at the date on your phone.
Its 2024….no self respecting woman has to wait until ‘he asks me to marry ‘ him
If the asking bit is so important then ask him yourself.
If he says no then you know where you stand and can make alternate arrangements if this doesn’t suit you. Do not enter into any financial arrangements with him if you are not married….no mortgages, loans, car plans, DFS furniture stuff….youll be saving yourself a lot of grief in the long run!
if he says yes then I hope you all have a great life as a family together.

I haven't read all of the replies so someone may already have said this but I'm wondering if perhaps he's already bought you a ring and is trying to throw you off the scent. He sounds committed in every way and is just waiting for the right moment to make things official.

This post is really confusing, it's like you don't know that you can propose to him?

Er more like 30-40? Who only knows 6 couples?!

Maybe but looking at the majority of posts on here it would seem that the majority of people see. to agree with me rather than your idea of her haranguing him into buying a ring. Have a nice weekend.

All true. But we don’t move from one slip up to another. That said, they sound delighted to be parents to their dc so I don’t mean a slip up in that sense as it seems a happy surprise. But just because one thing happened faster than expected doesn’t mean from there you have to live the rest of your life at rocket speed.

You said in a previous post he has mentioned timelines. What were they? Did he give an idea in terms of time, major events or financial situation? If he’s laid all that out already and he’s a man of his word, then I’d worry less. You’ve been together 18 months and he’s already sorted out life insurance to cover you and your baby. He sounds responsible.

Maybe he's planning to spend the money on a ticket to Berlin or a man cave, HTH

Yes ans anyone who Is better off in the realtionship would be wise to not enter into a legally binding contract with someone they are not fully committed to.

I'd not want my child to rush into marrige if they were the batter off partner.

He has done that. His insurance goes to her.

The time for her to worry about all of that was before tge baby. She can't strong arm him into marroge now. He's given his time line.

Tough shit to her and MN if it's not good enough.

Maybe he needed to be a bit more proactive with contraception if he was not sure “the relationship has a future”. As should the OP have been to be fair.

Maybe he has in mind saving up for a nice one and making a special occasion of a proposal rather than doing it in a cafe because the OP is hinting. HTH 🤣🤣

I do not think you are being uneeasonable but forget about the ring for a minute. Tune into your gut here, is he everything you'd want a husband to be? does he feel fortunate that he met you? Does he value you? Would he be careful not to do something that meant he'd lose you?

I'm guessing the answers are no, no and no. And your focus on the ring is to distract you from the pain of those truths.

YOu have wisely kept your own job. I'd say to him that you have CHANGED YOUR MIND ABOUT MARRYING HIM. You want somebody who values you, feels overjoyed to have met you, and who wouldn't drag his feet realising that (marriage/contracts/legalities aside). I'm not talking about being love bombed, but if somebody does feel so lucky to have met YOU, then they won't risk losing you.

Well I’m not going to make assumptions about how surprisingly it happened but in fairness to the DP, it was early in the relationship and he might still feel he needs time to explore the relationship better.

'It's not the 50s a pregnancy doesn't force a marrige'

Of course it doesn't but marriage is a legal contract which protects the parties involved to a certain degree (and usually more so the woman) and not just financially.

If the DP dies suddenly there could be all kinds of terrible implications for OP and her child. There are other legal ways of making sure a partner is provided for, watertight wills and pension eligibility etc., but getting married is a more sure fire way of ensuring protection.

Probably because you put him on the spot in a public place.

Choose a better time and place to have the discussion. State your position clearly, say you want a visible commitment and a timeline, tell him he doesn’t realise how important this is to you, and him joking and being dismissive about it really hurts you.

You also need to think about, and decide what your reaction will be, if he says that actually, an engagement and marriage are off the agenda.

In your position, the way you describe it, no wonder you feel the way you do. I've read the same situation many times on MN and it's generally accepted that he is future faking because there's no real incentive for him to marry, especially once you have his DC.
I didn't need a Disney proposal and wedding, but did want the protection of marriage. If DH hadn't offered that, I'd have walked away.

A baby and living together isn’t a formal acknowledgment of the relationship?

I'll never cease to be amazed how many surprise babies there are on Mumsnet when contraception is free in the UK and almost 100% effective.

Serious intentions are the two of you sitting down together to plan the future, that can be done without a ring. Just have a conversation about when would be a good time (for both of you) to get married, what kind of wedding you would both like etc.. Once you know that both of you are on the same page then you will relax. Honestly drop the idea of proposals and rings, to me none of that counts for much anyway.

I see it like this.

If you want the traditional man-goes down-on-one-knee surprise proposal, then you need to STOP hinting and let him do it according to his own time line, which he has already shared with you. Obviously that comes with the risk that she is stringing you along - only you can be the judge of this, but nothing you've said makes him sound that this is inevitable. Perhaps he really does love the idea of your DD being old enough to be part of the ceremony.

If what you want is the legal status of marriage, and a clear agreement about when that is going to happen, then you need to put romance to one side and have an adult, two-way conversation about it.

You can't have it both ways.

Just propose to him. Sorted.

It's not the 50s a pregnancy doesn't force a marrige.
Considering people have sex on the first date a baby can easily appear long before a marrige is ready.

I wouldn't want to risk all my financial security on someone I don't know.
He may not be ready to gamble everything. That's OK.

A woman is the one with control over when a baby appears so clearly OP was fine with a baby and no ring before. She doesn't get to change the posts now.