To have a niggling feeling that my bf won't propose to me?

Tbh I'd be a bit irritated by my DP wanting an "engagement interim or any other form of formal commitment". What even is that?

Nobody can afford the kind of wedding it takes 4 years to save for, that's insane.

"He said that I told him I don't really care about marriage which his true. But I told him I don't want a forever girlfriend situation and I want a formal acknowledgement of the relationship if not engagement a promise ring."

I don't understand this at all. Are you very young OP? Promise rings and even engagement rings are basically meaningless. You can get engaged in the morning and break it off in the afternoon with no ramifications for anyone. Only marriage (or civil partnership) are actual commitments in any legal real-world sense. I think you need to look into the protections marriage provides (Citizens Advice offers info here).That said, it sounds like you have both agreed to operate on his timeline so I guess you will just have to wait.

Absolutely this. If he needs to wait because he doesn't yet feel ready to be financially tied to the OP that's a perfectly good reason to delay. It isn't, however, an intention to marry in 3-4 years, it's an intention to decide whether or not to marry in 3-4 years.

If the timescale is because he wants his daughter to wear a pretty dress for the wedding that's another thing and IMO missing the point of marriage which is a legal contract, as opposed to a wedding which is a party to celebrate the marriage.

Quite. My dad never sent me a birthday card and gave me nothing. He was married to my mum before you ask.

What is he waiting for? His feelings for you to deepen? How exactly is he likely to feel different in 4 years? Unless he feels he needs to save financially for a big bash, what are his reasons.

OP, he had a child with you. It was his choice, and now he should show you the commitment of marriage. If he doesn't want to marry you now, it means he's not certain you're the one.

@2chocolateoranges so true, to be blunt, getting pregnant is what happens when people follow human nature, eating, sleeping, fucking. I'm sorry, I'm not setting out to be crude here but really, a baby is not commitment. a baby is nature, or optimism? I say this as a stupid optimist who assumed everything would be ok. I was not raised to advocate for myself, or to make demands, I was raised to be a people pleaser, but raised to be a people pleaser by two parents who grew up in different times.

I have two children with a man I am linked to, I guess. But that's all it is. A link but there's no respect or affection there. Just an awareness of a link I made in error.

Just ask him FFS.

You don't have to wait to be asked. I asked DH and we've been married 24 years!

You've been together 18 months and your baby is 6 months? So you got pregnant when you'd been together 3 months?

So you've not really had much of a relationship that hasn't involved pregnancy and babies.

I'd leave it be. If he wants to marry you he will. He's committed to you in every other way. I'd return to work and plan as if you may end up single though.

So basically absolutely nothing has changed? He's just given you some nice words and you're still waiting around for him to make all the decisions?

I think your gut is telling you that this isn't quite right op.

Is it really ?

how many women and some men are on here complaining that their child’s other parent has nothing to do with them, has walked away, doesn’t pay any money and happily lives their lives? People can walk away from their children as easily as they can their partner.

for me a baby can happen very easily, to get engaged and married takes planning and time to organise,

Yep this OP.

There is no victory in forcing people to do something they don’t want to do . The point of marriage is people want to join their lives in that way.

Ah, I see! He’d already laid out timelines about marriage, but your upset came from the fact he hadn’t mentioned in that timeline when he would buy a ring and propose?

To be honest, that coupled with the fact you have said you aren’t fussed about the marriage itself, says you want a big proposal and a ring. An engagement isn’t a commitment. Read the millions of threads on here about the perpetually engaged who can’t pin their partner down to a marriage.

All that said, he sounds great. He’s put financial measures in place to secure your future if anything happens to you, he’s open to conversations about this and had previously laid out a timeline for marriage. I disagree with other posters, he’s allowed to have a timeline he’s comfortable with and currently he’s prioritising making sure you have financial security and saving for your own home. If you aren’t comfortable with that timeline that’s a different issue.

Ugh. Who made him the one in charge?! This is very off-putting.

The fundamental difference yet again between weddings and marriage. If people wish to be legally married it can be booked swiftly and costs very little.

Why would you want the OP to play the damsel passively sitting around and waiting what The Man decides? Quite allright if OP sets her own priorities and voices them.

OP I'd be concerned he describes his "plans" so they're several years off. What if you have/want more kids in the meantime - will he postpone for a fee years more? It all screams cop-out to me.

Your daughter is only six months old and he has visions of her being a bridesmaid at 3 or 4.

I would drop the engagement thing, it will or won't happen but if you keep on at it then it will become a 'thing' and not a positive one either. If it then happens you'll possibly not feel good about it because you had to push so hard.

If he's a good father and partner then leave it at that. If a co-habitation agreement is needed then be matter of fact about it - ask him what the big deal is of signing it (do not mention engagements and rings).

If you're covered financially should something happen to him then that's good, for you and your daughter.

You live together, have a child together - sounds like a relationship to me. Do you not discuss your long term plans and goals for your future? If you want an engagement and marriage as a part of that, you need to discuss it with him.

It sounds like he definitely doesn’t want to be married.
I know of several men coerced into marriage ( pestering, tears, pressure) and these weddings did go ahead- only to break down a few years later.

There was a painful and expensive divorce in each case

There weren’t children involved in all of these)

It was Marriage can make some people feel trapped - it’s far more than “just a piece of paper “

If a man ( or woman) is reluctant to marry , it’s pointless to force them, as it’s just done under duress.

Having kids before marriage is very risky as it leaves one unprotected.

A really Uber wealthy woman has children- but isn’t married to their dad- She’s not wanting to lose any of her vast wealth in case of divorce- but in her case money and child support is nothing to worry about.

How do you live with a man, have him father to your child, see him as a life partner, but remain unable to have the most basic of straight conversations? This man has presumably watched you give birth, yet when it comes to asking him if and when you'll be married, you're suddenly all coy and talking in hints, jokes and sulks. "DP I want to be married. Do you want this as well, and if so, what's the plan and timescale? Because I'd prefer...(whatever)"

Yes I don’t see the point of the engagement if you aren’t “ bothered” about marriage. Are you sure it isn’t the ring you are after op?

Yet again women waiting around to be proposed to, thinking it needs to be the man’s decision. Why does he get to decide the 4 year timeline OP?

You bang on about not wanting to be a forever girlfriend OP but how is a forever fiancée any better? Please don’t get a “promise ring” you’re not 14.

It might be financial. Ask him op if he feels you are expecting a big wedding etc.

If you are, then you may need to wait. If genuinely not, ask him why he needs the time. In fairness it may be that 18 months doesn’t feel a long time to know someone,