To have a niggling feeling that my bf won't propose to me?

It's understandable that you want the reassurance of a traditional sign of commitment. Why does he alone get to decide that the wedding should be 3 or 4 years hence. You need to explain that being recognised as fiancee/wife is important to you, that you feel you are more than just a girlfriend and so would like to be able to be referred to as fiancee etc. What about the term partner? does that feel like a compromise you could both make for now?

If it's 'early for marriage' then it's definitely early to have a child together! The time to hesitate on lifelong commitment is before having unprotected sex.

At least you've now got the clarification you wanted from him to settle happily as you are.

So engagement ring now and wedding in 4 years? Or engagement ring can wait until 3.5 years right before marriage? It is all very arbitrary.

If he truly cares about how you feel, he would put a ring on you now. I wouldn't leave my partner hanging and wondering if she is good enough.

All said, I am sure he will come around but I hope he will do before your resentment and insecurity build up.

Good luck!

I’m honestly starting to question if this is just about a bit of jewellery.

It’s odd to say you’re not bothered about marriage; you just want to be engaged.

The "formal contract" is marriage or civil partnership - if he won't do either of those then he really needs to explain WHY.
You have a baby - that's a life commitment.
You're saving for a mortgage - that's a commitment of at least 25 years.
WHY does he not want the commitment of marriage or civil partnership?
Something isn't right.

No op. Not “at least engaged.” Engaged means nothing whatsoever. It’s a tradition that existed solely because it gave time to read the marriage banns in church over several weeks and allowed guests to plan travel to attend.

In modern times engagements have stretched out precisely to give time to decide if they want to go ahead - because if they don’t want to, there are zero consequences. What is your fixation with an engagement? It’s bizarre.

I've never seen a bridezilla who is not even engaged, in the wild. Why are you trying to force this man to propose to you when he is clearly not ready to. Even if he says yes, you have just forced him to say yes, a hollow "victory".

It's not "early for marriage" because there's no such thing. All couples are different, however, they do need to be on the same page.
For some reason, he is setting the agenda, he is determining a timeline. Why? Isn't it a mutual decision?

It takes two to tango!

why blame the guy, they both had sex. He’s with her, but sensibly after only 1.5yrs he has no thought of engagement or marriage.

i cringe when I hear people are pregnant and then magically a month later they are engaged. It all seems so forced. .

Not in this context.
He has said he's ready in 3 or 4 years.

It's a joint decision to either accept that or go later.

OP does not get to force him to bring it forward as posters are suggesting.

He absolutely gets full control on when he's comfortable to marry.

Why do you want him, OP?

He's an utter arse who had unprotected sex with a stranger, got you pregnant, then pushed you to have his child when you sensibly veered towards abortion; all while making vague promises, when forced to, about the many hoops in his timeline to an engagement, that will likely never result in actual marriage. This is not a good guy. You and your child deserve better.

"letting a woman have my baby" 🙄

Tbh op, i can't imagine letting a woman have my baby, knowing she wants marriage and not proposing to her.

Its just so...weak.

That doesn't mean it can't be long engagement. Or that within that time, it might be determined that you aren't compatible and so, the engagement ended and splitting up.

But the sheer fact that he's established you are both wanting marriage (supposedly) and you've had his baby and he has not put a ring on your finger! What a pathetic man.

As pp said, an engagement is just a promise. He's being promising lots until now amd yet, still no engagement. So his word is shaky at best.

No more babies until you marry! Be firm about that.

Engagement means sod from this guy until he can show he has follow through.

So many women on here with rings on their fingers for years and years and yet the wedding never happens because they stay anyway and act like a wife and have his kids.

Set a 2 year limit for the wedding to take place in and stick to it. If he hasnt married you by then, he never will.

Exactly. It's meaningless. Is this about status, a ring or reassurance? It's difficult for both of you because agreeing to get married after 2 years together is still quite early in a relationship. The baby has accelerated this but, really, it's not unreasonable to not want to be be married yet. I don't hold any store with engagements and, in your case, if you did get engaged, you'd probably be wondering if it was a sop to keep you quiet.

Get protected financially and change the subject for the next 6 months.

He thinks so! It's surely a joint decision.

Engagement means diddly squat when it comes to having another child.

Don't be foolish.
Why would you have another child with him if he didn't want to marry after one?

You are falling into the trap of so many other women.

Engagement is a ring....absolutely nothing else....don't kid yourself......many is the man who has used one to shut a woman up successfully, and still walked away.

Who's his next-of-kin?

But as so many people have told you an engagement means nothing! It can be ended immediately with just a few words.

Of course he's in charge of when he gets married!

Does he mean 4 years MORE?

Because, no. Absolutely not.

You've had his child! Engaged now and working towards a wedding within the next year or so. Year and a half tops.

If he's saying 4 more years, he's taking the Absolute piss and of course he doesn't want to marry you. Sorry but don't be taken for a mug.

If you stay with him, do.not.get.pregnant.again.

Also, by joint accounts, what do you mean?
Please tell me he doesn't have access to your main bank account!?! If so, remedy that immediately. A joint account for bills is fine but keep your main account singular. Otherwise you're taking massive risks with bells on.

Don't be passive moving forwards.

'I'd like to set the wedding for autumn 2025 or spring 2026. Which would you prefer?'.

You don't get to impregnate someone, choose to stay, say you want marriage but then take no active steps to pursue it. It's frankly, insulting.

OP, to be honest, I would assume that he doesn't want to get married at the moment and make my plans in line with that in mind.

He's certainly skirting around the issue. A showing you he feels that it is his decision alone, not a shared decision, which given you're living together with a child, should not be the case.

Looks to me like he doesn't want to upset the nice life he has with you by being honest about getting married.

I would not be having anymore children in your situation, OP. Do not weaken yourself financially.

It is so important that no matter how happy you are now with your DP, that you have the financial means to exit a relationship.

The relationship is it's infancy , you're both still learning about each other, how you parent etc. It is understandable that he might just not be ready to have thoughts of marriage so early on.

I have seen several cases of woman getting pregnant in a relationship. Some of these babies were planned and some were not. At the moment you want to get married because it offers better legal protection to you, your child and partner.

In your situation I would take any money out of a joint savings account and put it into a high rate savings account in your own name. If he says why are you doing this just tell him I want to keep my money in my name for the moment. I would also look into Martin Lewis money site and see the best interest rate you can earn on this money. I would also look into the government saving scheme to help buy your 1st home were they give you a top up on your savings. Work on building up your own savings in your name and don't be saving money in a joint account.

I would look into all the legal rights a marriage would give to both of you and what would happen if anything happened to either of you at the moment.
When you chat to him about this I tell him how being not married effects you both if anything was to happen to either of you. Let him see how it benefits both of you to be married.
You don't need a big expense wedding. Your better off using this money towards buying a home or putting money towards your mortgage. I know several couples who got married without the big wedding and used this money towards a house purchase.

If he continues to say we do this in x number of years you can decide if you stay with him or split up. I would also ensure that your contraception is in place as you don't want another child with him until your married.