Teacher married to non teacher

I do understand where you're coming from. I think every way round is tricky, regardless of whether working parents are teachers or not. Non-teachers are often having to take annual leave at times different to one another so that children can be looked after in the holidays - that's also a situation where people are mostly either working or looking after children. I think there are just not many days to yourself if you work and have children.

Conversely, I am a teacher but have to pay for nursery through the holidays anyway, because there are no term-time only options where I live. This gives me the option of having the child in nursery when I am off work, which is nice in a way, but I'd rather have the thousands of pounds we would save if I could look after them.

If you took an extended holiday in what would have been term time I can see why there's an issue with leave.

However, if as a result your husband has no AL left for the whole of July and August then definitely try to plan that differently for 2025!

I don't know if primary is harder, but it's definitely fiddly-er.

Secondary is no breeze either here. I really couldn't leave SEN only child DC to her own devices for days at a time. But there's no point borrowing trouble so let's assume your two will get easier as they age.

I genuinely don’t understand why your DH can’t look after a 3 yr old & a 1 yr old for a few hours by himself.

Then the few odd days so for instance we are going to see the Gruffalo in November, we have a wedding October half term, which is 2 days AL, and so on. Hopefully this explains matters. I really don’t think I should have had to go into this amount of detail tbh.

Well it’s confusing because I don’t know anyone with this set up. So during your holidays to Wales etc would you not get down time then?

He does. I literally say a few pages ago they both have activities that we tag team so he takes DS to rugby while DD naps or vice versa, later I’ll take DD swimming while he takes DS to the park or whatever. Like I say I can’t keep saying the same over and over.

But you’re aware there are hundreds of parents who work weekends & unsociable hours but still do activities. And presumably activities don’t take the whole day; why would you not all go swimming or just DH take them to the park so you have free time?

Oh OP - I get it - you’re meant to love every minute and I wanted kids so much and we had IVF but it was still hard getting used to be permanently exhausted and not having a minute to yourself.

I’m also a part time teacher - I’ve always booked them into nursery for a few days in the holidays so that I could have a break or get things done. Could you change a day of preschool to a nursery day so you could do this?

Now that they’re both going to be at school in September I’ve booked one into nursery and the 6 year old will have to come and move to my new classroom and do the set up for that - it’ll be painful - the novelty wore off quickly last summer!

It gets so much easier though as they get older - apart from the arguing - I managed to stay in bed this morning whilst they played on screens and left me alone! So I feel like I’m winning and get a bit of headspace.
I do have the same feeling as you though - DH
will be working and works every Saturday so by the time he’s home I feel like I’ve done it all.

Once they’re out of nursery, you’ll be able to see how much money you save not having to pay for holiday clubs though as they’re extortionate - or maybe you will so that you can have a bit of a break. There’s no right or wrong answer and everyone’s job has its own perks and disadvantages so you’re entitled to feel how you feel.

I am not sure quite how it gets harder - but er, thanks!

Primary school is generally harder as there is more to navigate; shorter days, different activities, play dates, school events, etc

No it’s not clear - are you saying he gets one week AL a year? Or he only uses one week to do his bit for school holidays - what about the rest of his leave?

And honestly it gets harder at primary school so you really need to trust DH with the dc. Or are you going to still do everything?

Yes, please answer the annual leave question @allsummereverysummer because it seems to be a huge crux in why you’re not getting any break what so ever.

But what about the annual leave?

There kind of does come a point where you can’t keep repeating yourself tbh.

Its really not clear why hence myself & other posters dont understand.

@allsummereverysummer why can’t he have annual leave? Why doesn’t he help on the weekends?

I am becoming reasonably certain the DH is either a workaholic and doesn't take leave or takes his leave to go on cycling holidays with his mates

I said it pages ago but it’s a DH issue 😆

There are several of us asking now - why is your husband so absent and why can’t he take them/annual leave to do his part?

Parenting is hard and it comes easier to others than some people. I know mums that’s said they really didn’t enjoy the under 5s years and OP I’m guessing you might be the same. It will and does get easier.

I have a summer club that my child can attend before they start reception, they just need to be 4 years old. There is possible childcare options so hunt around, some preschools have started doing holiday clubs which could be an option.

For long holidays make a plan, look at free activities and paid activities. Make a weekly plan on what you can do each day (park, library, trips out).

Give yourself a few days off to clean / washing / run errands in the morning then self care in the afternoon for some holidays.

It’s ok to struggle and feel overwhelmed. I’m a
none teacher who wishes I had more time off with my kids so much I am considering moving into teaching once they are a bit older (I know it’s intense during the term). It’s not all bad but it’s ok to say you find it overwhelming.

I get you, OP. It's relentless. But try to focus on the joyous moments. When I'm in the throws of utter chaos with my 3 and want to cry, I stop myself and remember that I'm their life, they rely and look up to me and they're so damn cute and won't be like that forever. I know one day I'll look back and I'll want to give anything to have these years again (rose tinted glasses and all that!). Mine are 9, 6 and 1.5 now, and I've not had a work-free, child-free day for 9 years! Neither has my husband! Maybe the odd one for a wedding or hen do, but that's it. We're not teachers, but every single day of annual leave is spent with the kids.

You work a three day week and are wondering how you'll cope looking after your own lovely children for six weeks?

I work a 3 day week & have a month off in the Summer. If I couldn’t leave dc with their dad & gps I would be tearing my hair out!

I am becoming reasonably certain the DH is either a workaholic and doesn't take leave or takes his leave to go on cycling holidays with his mates