Teacher married to non teacher

Tbh those posters were far more offensive than mine asking why your DH can’t do more.

There are a million ways around this but you do come over as having rigid thinking and behaviour, and not willing to change anything.

There's a funny set of dynamics going on.

On the one hand you aren't happy about having to do the lion's share in the summer holidays, but when it's suggested that you could have time to yourself by sharing childcare, you don't want to consider that, or you come up with reasons that you can't.

It's personal choice of course but centre parks with babies to me would not be a holiday-it would be a nightmare. I'd far rather keep those 5 days for a family holiday in the summer.

I'd also re-think the idea that it's 'best' for your children to 'always' have mummy and daddy with them at an activity like a park-walk, because one adult can cope with a baby and a toddler on their own (as you know, because you do it.)

Perk of the job surely? I used to teach and this was the best bit!

It's just the obvious answer to your issue is your DH sometimes taking them on his own - which you clearly manage so it's not clear why it isn't an option

For example when we go on holiday for a week, usually we will give each other a bit of a break, not necessarily a whole day but one of us will take the kids for a walk or the beach on our own for a few hours.

Your DH could do that on your week in Wales. Or take the kids to the Gruffalo on his own.

If that's not what you want, fair enough but if you really want some time on your own it's that or pay for some holiday camps which you also se to have ruled out for the future

I have agreed repeatedly that’s it ok to want down time during the holidays and have responded as such to some of the posters who accused you of not loving your dc or whatever.

I know that you feel like people are getting at you, but people are genuinely trying to help.

You have asked about how you can get down time, whether in holidays or regularly and people are making practical sensible suggestions.

I understand that you might not want a whole day but your husband is perfectly capable of looking after the children for an afternoon. Surely the 1 year still naps.

So go out when you they go down for a nap and then when they wake up your husband looks after the for a couple of hours, either at home or for a walk.

And then you can have 3 hours to go for a swim, get a haircut or whatever you want to recharge.

Do this a couple of times in the summer when he's off, either you week off or at the weekend.

My sister is similar.

Won't do anything with the kids without involving her husband. Doesn't approve of paid for childcare. Doesn't really trust others to look after her kids. Doesn't plan very far ahead.

Don't be like my sister! It's damaged all her relationships and knackered her career.

I'm in the same position and I hear you. It seems weird getting childcare when you're at home, and my husband is the sort that doesn't like to 'waste money'. However my husband has now conceded that our lovely ds is hard work and both ds and i would benefit from a break so I am going to look into some clubs he can go to, even if just for the morning. Teaching is a very tiring job and to go from being around other people's children all day to then looking after your own is quite exhausting. Unfortunately those that don't teach will not share our viewpoint on it but I guess I won't get other people's issues in careers that I am not involved in 🤷‍♀️

@allsummereverysummer can I respond to your last post or is that hectoring?

I don’t think I’m hectoring you, I’m just intrigued as to why because it’s best for the children to be able to do the things they enjoy when there are two parents.

If you don’t want to answer, that’s ok.

Oh my first “Am I being unreasonable”. “Yes”. “Leave me alone”. 😆😆

@allsummereverysummer with all due respect you posted a thread about having no down time in the Summer. But you could have down time but chose not too so it’s a bit odd & a pointless AIBU 😆

Do you want tips from teacher parents with older DC or do you just want to moan? (Which is fine).

If the former, I'd say plan your time off like a military campaign, putting aside some chunks of time for things that make you happy. You have the benefit of knowing your work dates two years ahead.

I always have summer locked down by Easter at the latest. It is getting harder though because DD won't just go where I send her necessarily. But I include things I want to do in the plans.

Your wellbeing is important. This is a long game.

You sound like the type of person who will always find something to complain about.

If that makes you happy, go ahead. But it doesn't sound like it does.

He can. I choose for him not to because it’s best for the children to be able to do the things they enjoy when there are two parents.

Can you elaborate on the above? Why is it best?

I know you said no more questions but I’m intrigued by that train of thought!

Is it not worth having a rethink?

TBH I can't see how a 1 yr old baby is getting much out of Centre Parks in December or even the older child. Mine enjoyed it most when they were around 8-12.

Those days could be used for a week in the summer holidays.

Likewise your trip to Wales- is this to see parents or in-laws? Could they not come to see you for a change?

If your H gets 25 days holiday, taking 10 over the summer so he is around for 2 weeks still leaves another 15 days.

Why don't you try to carve out more time for yourself?
It comes over as a bit of martyr syndrome going on.

I'm sure your DH could cope with both children for a few hours at a weekend.
Then, you could go shopping, have a spa trip, do whatever you enjoy.
Your kids don't need their mum 24 hours a day when they also have a Dad around.

Are you afraid to leave them with him for some reason?

If your MH is suffering by being with them all the time it's within your control to change that.

Maybe this is a conversation you should have with your husband.

Because one is in a baby swimming lesson and one is in a preschooler

But you could do a family swim with the preschooler.

Because one can’t walk so it’s nicer for the other one to have some one to one time

But you can mix it up.

im one of 4, mum didn’t work but my dad (despite his very big job) would wrangle all of us to the park to give her a lie in etc. He was a great role model. I don’t mean to upset you and I completely agree re wanting time out from dc and have said so but I think your set up is very unusual & stressful.

I've read all of your post's OP and some of the others, it seems to me that you're all kidded out. Your kids, other people's kids, where's the adult time? Most people get the opportunity to have kid free time at work or evenings and weekends. You need to factor in more of that perhaps?