Page 6 | Teacher married to non teacher

allsummereverysummer · 2024-07-13T06:42:00+00:00

It’s on my mind at the moment that I’m responsible for childcare every holiday until they are of an age they don’t really need it … I know that’s obvious. I think it’s just I do the lions share of everything as it is. Feels like a long time to have them over the summer tbh.

spriots · 13/07/2024 11:44

Cuppapuppa · 13/07/2024 11:43

There are solutions but you'd need to be able to flex a bit on something whether it be gender roles, activities or paying for childcare.

Thats all anyone is saying.

💯

I even fuck off and leave my DH for a weekend sometimes.

It's really fine.

LemonandLimeCake · 13/07/2024 11:44

allsummereverysummer · 13/07/2024 11:40

It isn’t rigid at all. I just don’t fuck off for hours leaving DH with the children and somehow because of this I’m rigid, children are over timetabled, rod for own back …

Like I say it gets tiresome.

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Don't you think that if several posters are saying the same thing and trying to help you find a solution, there may be something you can take from that?

Rather than being defensive, maybe step back and stop reading/posting to today, but take some time to consider if there's anything helpful here.

Or just say that you aren't looking for suggestions, you just needed to offload.
Then you won't need to keep reading.

Phineyj · 13/07/2024 11:44

It is OK.

The trick when you become a mum is to be about 80% as selfish as the average dad.

Let the guilt go.

Let it goooooo.

Cuppapuppa · 13/07/2024 11:43

There are solutions but you'd need to be able to flex a bit on something whether it be gender roles, activities or paying for childcare.

Thats all anyone is saying.

Phineyj · 13/07/2024 11:42

Oh I see re the swimming.

I didn't know that as DH did all the baby swimming. I took over when she was 5.

Cuppapuppa · 13/07/2024 11:42

It isn’t rigid at all. I just don’t fuck off for hours leaving DH with the children and somehow because of this I’m rigid, children are over timetabled, rod for own back

You don’t seem to understand. It’s ok if you want to fuck off for hours and leave DH with the dc 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Original poster

allsummereverysummer · 13/07/2024 11:41

mrsdineen2 · 13/07/2024 11:40

I've never seen a thread more suited to this meme.

Yes I do get that the fact I won’t vanish for hours every weekend is baffling everybody, but then no one I know with similarly aged children does either so I’m going to assume it’s a MN thing.

OP posts:

Phineyj · 13/07/2024 11:41

Heh, society doesn't like teachers, not just Mumsnet. Beggars belief why there's such a shortage, doesn't it?!

OP, I am not having a go at you at all. You do seem to be on a bit of a middle class treadmill though. Why not go all out and book those holidays that have childcare if you're paying Center Parc prices anyway?

You're not doing life wrong. Toddlers are v hard work. You have a specific problem right now of being daunted by the summer holidays. There are solutions but you'd need to be able to flex a bit on something whether it be gender roles, activities or paying for childcare.

pleasehelpwi3 · 13/07/2024 11:40

The holidays and the extra time with my child are the best bit of the job.

Original poster

allsummereverysummer · 13/07/2024 11:40

Cuppapuppa · 13/07/2024 11:37

@allsummereverysummer

I suppose I’m coming from the perspective of having 3 dc, friends who are single parents, or have 1 parent who works away, shifts, weekends, dc with big age gals etc so admittedly I find the rigid having to do everything together or separately unusual as it’s as another poster said it would make life impossible for many.

It isn’t rigid at all. I just don’t fuck off for hours leaving DH with the children and somehow because of this I’m rigid, children are over timetabled, rod for own back …

Like I say it gets tiresome.

OP posts:

mrsdineen2 · 13/07/2024 11:40

I've never seen a thread more suited to this meme.

Original poster

allsummereverysummer · 13/07/2024 11:39

@Phineyj again we’re getting a bit lost. Swimming lessons are parent in pool with child. I can’t really leave a 1 year old poolside unaccompanied and I wouldn’t leave DS either as although he wouldn’t deliberately fall in I can’t guarantee he wouldn’t wander over and get too close to the edge and I am not sure it would be permitted anyway.

This is what I mean about having to justify literally everything - it’s becoming a bit exhausting.

OP posts:

Tulipsareredvioletsarebue · 13/07/2024 11:38

It gets easier when they are bigger, my DD is going to spend two weeks at summer activity camp, half-days, but enough time for me to have a bit of time for myself.

Cuppapuppa · 13/07/2024 11:37

@allsummereverysummer

I suppose I’m coming from the perspective of having 3 dc, friends who are single parents, or have 1 parent who works away, shifts, weekends, dc with big age gals etc so admittedly I find the rigid having to do everything together or separately unusual as it’s as another poster said it would make life impossible for many.

Original poster

allsummereverysummer · 13/07/2024 11:37

And actually @Phineyj now I read that back I’m as hell.

I’m without my husband three days a week. Only one of those days is my working day. So I do things without my husband all the time: literally every week.

I approve of paid for childcare - obviously. Hence they’re both in it.

Doesn’t trust others to look after her kids … it isn’t that don’t trust anyone, I don’t have anyone, outside of nursery anyway.

That was a rather mean spirited and I have to say out of character post for you. I don’t normally see posts like that from you.

OP posts:

LemonandLimeCake · 13/07/2024 11:37

allsummereverysummer · 13/07/2024 11:33

I don’t think I am like that really @Phineyj but after a week pretty much alone I do actually want to spend time with my family as a family. We do a bit of one child here one child there but we also spend time as the four of us and it’s nice. It’s just things like being able to go for a wee at a park without having to capture both children and take them with you!

I do feel rightly or wrongly as if I, the way I live my life and what we do has become under intense and negative scrutiny - we holiday Wrong and our activities and how we do them are Wrong and I am Wrong to feel as I do and DHs annual leave is Wrong and my maternity leave was Wrong. And several pages later it is making me a bit upset. If you (general you, not you personally) wouldn’t go to CP or wouldn’t go to baby ballet … don’t. We do!

edit for crap SPAG!

Edited

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It's really odd that you are complaining about things that you have chosen to do.

You don't really want solutions or ideas from posters.

That's fine but without being open to new ways of behaving or assessing your choices, there's little point in your thread.

Dishwashersaurous · 13/07/2024 11:36

Also most clubs and activities stop for the summer holidays, so now is the perfect time to re set and prioritise a couple of hours for you, either alone or seeing friends over the weekend

Phineyj · 13/07/2024 11:35

I get where you're coming from - it's easier not to take a child to another child's activity but if it was at the cost of doing an activity I enjoyed child free I jolly well would take them for time efficiency! I took DD to a lot of swimming but only at the pool in the venue with the free parking, library and nice cafe! Priorities!

Do you mind my asking what your own childhood and parents were like? Do you feel strongly perhaps that they should do things you missed out on? Or are you trying to replicate a lifestyle where your mum didn't work?

Applepencilplant · 13/07/2024 11:35

OP mumsnet don’t like teachers.

Original poster

allsummereverysummer · 13/07/2024 11:33

Phineyj · 13/07/2024 11:28

My sister is similar.

Won't do anything with the kids without involving her husband. Doesn't approve of paid for childcare. Doesn't really trust others to look after her kids. Doesn't plan very far ahead.

Don't be like my sister! It's damaged all her relationships and knackered her career.

I don’t think I am like that really @Phineyj but after a week pretty much alone I do actually want to spend time with my family as a family. We do a bit of one child here one child there but we also spend time as the four of us and it’s nice. It’s just things like being able to go for a wee at a park without having to capture both children and take them with you!

I do feel rightly or wrongly as if I, the way I live my life and what we do has become under intense and negative scrutiny - we holiday Wrong and our activities and how we do them are Wrong and I am Wrong to feel as I do and DHs annual leave is Wrong and my maternity leave was Wrong. And several pages later it is making me a bit upset. If you (general you, not you personally) wouldn’t go to CP or wouldn’t go to baby ballet … don’t. We do!

edit for crap SPAG!

OP posts:

LemonandLimeCake · 13/07/2024 11:33

allsummereverysummer · 13/07/2024 11:30

It’s just that they are at different stages, Cuppa. It is hectoring to keep insisting I answer questions I’ve already answered.

DS has a swimming lesson on Saturday mornings. I can’t take him in the week because I have the baby.

DD has a swimming lesson Saturday afternoon; I can’t take her in the week because I have DS.

DS does rugby Sunday mornings - DD gets bored and tries to crawl off if I take her so one parent takes DS the other does something with DD.

DD does baby ballet Sunday afternoons - DS wouldn’t really want to watch that!

During the week I take them to activities both can access (although that’s getting trickier I do manage it) but it’s nice for them to do these things. It takes two parents, though. I can’t really be any clearer than that and I don’t know why you seem so confused about it.

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Maybe your children are over-timetabled.

Do they really need to do all of those things- baby ballet at 1 year old?

You're making a rod for your own backs.

Cut back on the activities maybe.

Cuppapuppa · 13/07/2024 11:33

@allsummereverysummer I’ve already said I was confused because it wasn’t clear, same for the annual leave. I wasn’t the only poster to be confused either.

CyprusCypress · 13/07/2024 11:33

allsummereverysummer · 13/07/2024 11:19

He can. I choose for him not to because it’s best for the children to be able to do the things they enjoy when there are two parents. Could I ask nicely if I could stop having to justify everything I do? I don’t want to sound horrible but the endless ‘but WHY’ are making me feel like I’m being held at the old Bailey not posting on MN.

It’s crazy that you dont ‘allow’ this. This perpetuates inequality in parenting. Bet he is delighted at you excusing him from this. It’s simply not right.

Does he himself not want to care for both kids? Or learn how to?

How some families perpetuate sexism in parenting blows my mind.

mrsdineen2 · 13/07/2024 11:32

allsummereverysummer · 13/07/2024 11:30

It’s just that they are at different stages, Cuppa. It is hectoring to keep insisting I answer questions I’ve already answered.

DS has a swimming lesson on Saturday mornings. I can’t take him in the week because I have the baby.

DD has a swimming lesson Saturday afternoon; I can’t take her in the week because I have DS.

DS does rugby Sunday mornings - DD gets bored and tries to crawl off if I take her so one parent takes DS the other does something with DD.

DD does baby ballet Sunday afternoons - DS wouldn’t really want to watch that!

During the week I take them to activities both can access (although that’s getting trickier I do manage it) but it’s nice for them to do these things. It takes two parents, though. I can’t really be any clearer than that and I don’t know why you seem so confused about it.

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You are making a massive rod for your own back. Do you think single parents with two kids just sit in the house all day?

You can go places with two kids and no DH. He cna go places with two kids and without you.

Phineyj · 13/07/2024 11:30

Sister is a qualified teacher but works as a TA.