Teacher married to non teacher

What about when the other partner is working flat out to earn the majority of the money that y’know, puts food on your table, clothes on backs and a roof overhead?
Is that not just as important part of being a parenting team??

Families lead a pretty crap life if the right amount of money’s not coming in. Which is a boringly practical fact if life.
But people often skip over that bit… especially by the parent doing less to earn money but more to raise the kids.
It’s about teamwork, not equally looking after kids. Otherwise both parents better be bringing in an equal share of the family income… which is very rarely the case.

I am in a similar position to you in that I am a teacher, married to a non teacher who works away during the week and have 2 young kids. But I don't know many teachers married to other teachers so I always think I'm quite lucky getting to hang out with my kids, having long holidays and not having to worry about covering childcare!

Don't compare yourself too much - honestly the position of either being at work or being with the kids is fairly standard working parent stuff.
My kids are older now (primary age) and it does get easier tbh. Like this summer we've been on a family holiday and then I'm doing a separate holiday just me and the kids. Appreciate we are in a very fortunate position to be able to do this.
Anyway, not being unreasonable to find it tough, but remember in a couple of years when you have them both all summer they will be older and it'll be easy.

Why don't you increase their nursery days? Or put one of them in for an extra day?

And why can't your Husband use annual leave to help you parent on the remaining days?

When mine were infant age I would continue to use my childminder, babysitters and holiday clubs when a little older - and we are a two teacher family! We have no family help but we wanted some alone time. I love the summer holidays but after being around children day in day out, we needed some decompression time. You don’t need to have your children with your 24/7 unless the issue is financial.

This is the main perk of being a teacher for me. No childcare costs, and I get to spend all holidays with my children. I love the days when dh is at work and I do everything with the kids, my way. It's the whole reason I go to work.

I bet your H earns far more than most teachers.
And it allows you to only work 3 days a week.
Not many couples can do that even in professional jobs when they live in expensive housing areas.

I thought the long stretch of summer was the issue? And that is definitely a valid concern for a teacher/non-teacher relationship.

The other holidays you’re definitely just in the same boat as other working parents where we turn and turn about with our partners during school holidays - I’ll do a half term, DH will do a half term, etc.

How so? I understand people wanting some time to themselves on occasion (i was thinking a few hours here and there). I was a single mother to 4 and didn't have any at all, it never bothered me personally because they're my children. Suggestions have already been given about summer clubs etc for those who can't cope with the full summer and need a longer break. I don't get it but I can still empathise with people who feel overwhelmed generally, even if I don't feel the same about this particular issue.

This really isn't about being a teacher or not.

I didn't work for almost 5 years, and had 2 DCs with a small age gap.

I never even thought about the benefits of 'having an H who was a teacher'.

I do wish OP that you would actually analyse what you want from your thread.

No one would disagree with having to care for a 1 year old and a 3 years old all day is tiring. But some of us did that for years. Mine didn't go to nursery or anything till they were 4, as there weren't any around at the time (my children are possibly your age now.) I had them all day every day for 4 years.

I'd given up a professional job to be a SAHM as that's what I wanted to do. I was an older Mum too.
Yes, it was hard.
Very hard, with long distance family.

But I did manage to have time to myself by handing over to DH at weekends, even having short holidays going to see family.

What is it that you want?

It appears to be a moan, which is fine.

But if that's all it is, at least say so.

Teaching is stressful, exhausting, mentally draining and involves working all day them many hours in the evening too.
However, being able to spend school holidays with my kids when they were little was an absolute joy. Make the most of it, they grow up very fast.

This is going to be the deal well into the teen years with your children. If it bothers you that much then don’t work term time. It’s part of the deal when you do. Your husband has significantly less time off than you, even if you worked FT, so it will never be close to equal during the school holidays.

Really shitty post but you know that. It’s perfectly normal outside of Stepford Wife land to not want to spend every waking moment with your kids. Parenting is hard, isn’t that why this website exists? Are you ok? Takes a lot of effort to be a person like you.

So your Husband isn't allowed any annual leave over the summer holidays or have I read that wrong? Why can't he book 6 days off to help you parent for 3 days each week? Then you've only got 12 days alone to parent, is that doable? Could you both afford to increase their nursery days for an extra day a week? That leaves you 8 days to parent, would that be easier?

Any relatives that would take them for a day? Or half a day?

OP works full time, of course more of the childcare falls onto her. If she didn’t want that she could work full time to be “equal” to the father if she’s that obsessed with a 50/50 split.

While the working hours are not 50/50 nor will childcare. That seems pretty obvious.

So many contradictions in one post. Quite impressive really.

OP, if you want sympathy and suggestions, AIBU isn't always the best place to look for them.

OK, so you just want a moan.

That's fine. Moaning is fine.

But there are lots of really practical suggestions you are choosing to ignore.

So you need to acknowledge that you aren't willing to change anything, and be content with it.

People, both on here and in real life, get frustrated when someone moans about a situation. Isn't willing to make any changes to that situation. And then carries on Moaning

Who is unable to take 6 weeks off.

I really don't understand people who can't look after their own children. Everyone needs a break of course, summer clubs or nursery the odd day as has been suggested. I'm so surprised at the amount of people who don't feel they can look after their kids over the summer!

I'm a teacher and a single parent with the kids 100%. I am still able to have family or a babysitter support me to have that me time that is needed. There are solutions for little tweaks to anyones life, without dramatic jumps. Those little tweaks soon add up and help make life a little simpler, especially when the kids are so young and it is difficult.

If you feel someone is attacking you on this thread then don't respond to them. There view isn't kind. Move on.

But I've read some great advice on this thread, some I would try and other advice wouldn't work for my two kids and my parenting. Is there anything that you've read on here that is worth a shot?

You're in the trenches, it's hard. And it does make us all negative when we feel swamped, I'm just coming out the other side of that mindset. But it takes work to get out of it.

They're just kids and your own kids at that 🙄

It's nice not having to do anything or go anywhere if you don't need to.

Little bit defeatist to say there isn’t a solution except changing jobs, OP - the solution to dreading a long summer holidays solo parenting is surely just changing how/when your DH takes his annual leave?