Teacher married to non teacher

I think people are being unkind here. The DH works away 5 days a week, the OP works a stressful job, having all the childcare on top is a lot when your children are young and demanding

But I do wonder what the DH is doing with his annual leave and weekends?

If I was the OP, I would look to get him to do at least a few days if not more of solo childcare over the school holidays while she gets to do what she wants and I would also try to book in a couple of weekends away on her own.

That’s not how it works, that’s not fair parenting. The OP’s job has little to do with how much the other parent contributes to raising their children, and it reads like the op does everything regardless. To the point where the thought of the 6 weeks summer holidays is causing her to worry. It shouldn’t be like that.

I'm absolutely keeping mine in nursery 3 days a week.

Single parent teacher.

I have a year's worth of decorating/errands/prepping for work/exam marking/maybe even some exercise: things that can't happen in term time, and I have zero guilt in using nursery over summer to get those jobs done.

I'm a better mummy on the days I can be, when I've got some breathing space to do the things that need doing, and they can't be done with a pre-schooler "helping". Plus, he loves nursery and gets to play with friends.

I think part of the issue is what OP is defining as a break.

OP. Your work is a "break" from your kids and your home life is a "break" from your work.

This is your life- why are you wanting a break from it? Could you perhaps book one day to go to a spa?

What did you think would happen in terms of having responsibility for your own children?

sorry you are struggling with parenting right now - don't put yourself down, we all have ages that we find harder than others.

School holidays with your kids is the main perk of teaching, and the reason I stuck with a job I hated. When you get to my age and look back you will be so happy you shared those times! I certainly am, and miss them since my kids left uni and got jobs and no longer have the school holiday time free- we were holidaying together right up until then!

But yes, sometimes it is hard. I can remember vividly waking up one Tuesday in half term when my children were preschool and thinking "o no! how can I have only done 3 days so far! How can I survive another 6!!"

Snap. I love quiet time in their bedroom. Much needed for all of us.
And getting out in the morning has help too

Do most people not go into teaching specifically because they are off with their kids in the holidays?

No. Jesus wept.

Yes, they decided knowing OP was a teacher so childcare wouldn't be an issue in the holidays

I don't think it's a bad thing to say it's daunting. I'm daunted by the thought of it. Maybe it's a change of the way you're framing things that might help. I now think I am incredibly lucky to get the whole summer with my two, I get to see every moment, and yes I will be grateful for bedtime and will have wine ready in the fridge... But they will soon be so grown and won't want to spend their holidays with you.

I write a list of indoor and outdoor activities now. Then on a Friday evening I plan the week looking at the weather and include as much outdoor time as possible as that makes my two more manageable. I also love a play date as I get to sit down while they're distracted with the other kids. It also takes away tbe pressure of what to do every morning. Makes it feel more like I'm lesson planning for school 🤣 as a teacher, treat the summer hols the sane way you would the working week. It's helped me. Good luck. Don't be too hard on yourself, it's hard.

I found it so hard to plan what to do and didn’t enjoy this stage either OP, activities were over so quickly and I’d be thinking what on earth next. The days were so long. You need to reset day to day boundaries where feasible to stop taking on so much all the time, maybe you get some you time at the weekend? It does get better, they get old enough for summer clubs and now mine are tweens it’s great (hormones excepted!). The best thing I found was spending time at the park in the morning then home for lunch and a nap (for them). If they didn’t want to nap it was still quiet play in their rooms for a while. It meant I could recharge and we then could play together more happily in the afternoon, structure really helped me and they knew what to expect. I was in two minds about posting this as I can imagine people jumping all over me for it but you need downtime as children can be exhausting and this is how I coped. Sending sympathy, it’s hard.

If you're not enjoying it can tou work 5 days then you might appreciate the time off with them more?

They both chose to have children! The children they made a both fully their responsibility! Good god this site is absolutely rife with internalised misogyny at times.

It sounds like your kids are young. Once they are school age they are so much easier. I used to make sure we had an activity a day planned to get us out of the house. Lots of these were free or very cheap:
Park - tried to meet up with friends, we had loads of good local parks around us so would try and do a different one each week. None were that big but it's different equipment and I'd take lunch with us.
Library - they do a reading challenge so we went in once a week to change books plus they often had free colouring/treasure hunt activities on.
I'd do a couple of trips on the bus or train again just for a change of scenery! Country park used to do a group activity once a week was only a couple of pounds. Try and arrange to meet up with friends. I used to take them to stay with my parents for a week. I'd also check the local Facebook groups to see what was going on. There's a couple of small museums near us that would put events on.

I used to write a list of all these things on a piece of paper and put it on the fridge.

I have to say that this is one of the reasons I became a teacher (single parent mature student). I did have work to do in the holidays but I could do it with my child in the house or take her in with me to clear or prepare my classroom etc. I didn't resent any of the time spent with her.

I'm a teacher and when the kids were nursery age they kept those days during the school holidays so I always had 2 days a week to myself to decompress, get things done. Now they're both primary they go to their regular out of school care for 2 days a week during the holidays for 3-4 weeks. I couldn't make it through the holidays without a little respite (in the last week of the break I usually go into work as well for a day or two to prepare). There's nothing wrong with arranging some childcare/holiday club. My DH also has one day a week at home and I try to give him a break on those days by getting the kids out of the house during the school holidays.

Because parenting is a two person responsibility at all times. Yes he’s at work, but the op also mentions he works away. It reads like the majority of childcare (whether they’re with the op or at nursery) falls solely to the op - that is a problem. If the op and her husband separated (and I’m absolutely not suggesting that) he would have to start thinking about what he had to do for his share of the summer holidays. Why does it have to come to extremes before some dads have to consider their children at all times? Childcare isn’t fully woman-work regardless of her own circumstances.

They are your children. Organise whatever suits you. Put them in a summer camp in Cornwall for 6 weeks if that is what you want.

Most teachers value the summer break because they do get to spend that time with their children - even though it can seem 'long' at times.

You chose to be a teacher, you chose to have children. Solve the issue to suit you.

Agree. Why have children if you don't want to spend time with them? My son is a teacher and his wife has to cover/book leave for absolutely everything in term time.

I’m a TA not a teacher (yet!) but I sort of get what you mean. When I was working in a similar age group to my children I felt a bit resentful that I dealt with other people’s children all day and then had to deal with my own in the evening (we were at a tricky age) and it was exhausting never ever getting a break from the constant demands of small people. As my own children have got bigger this feeling has gone away to a large extent.

i’m also ND and can get ‘people’d out’ after a while.

it’s hard when you give yourself so much to the 30 or so kids in your care during the day, you can feel like your own family miss out. You end up with a weird mix of resentment and guilt. I found handing my own kids over to a grandparent for a few days in the summer really really helpful! It gave me a few days away from the demands and a mental break that I really really needed.

Once children are school age it’s generally not nearly as hard going, by age 6/7 they’re generally rational human beings and can do their own thing for parts of days. And if they’re at school 5 days a week and you work anything less than 5 you’ll get a term time day to yourself every week. Most people don’t get that.

I'm sorry I don't follow this line of thinking at all. How is is exhausting for the OP. She has two free days a week during term time.
I can't see anything the father has down wrong here.
To me this is just life. He works and I mind the kids when I'm off during the holidays
There's no tit for tat or point scoring.

Little kids are hard OP. It is relentless all day every day. It’s ok to feel like it is hard and a lot.

I’ve enjoyed my kids more and more every year they’ve gotten older. They’re now 10 and 13 and hanging with with them in holidays is great.
Partly because we were diligent parents during their early years and set boundaries, manners m, took them to all the sports to learn skills etc and partly they just need me in different ways.

it’s also ok to put the oxygen mask on - I’m hearing you’re feeling like there’s not much gas in the tank so to speak. It’s ok to make sure you’re getting enough time to recharge on your weekends etc. I wish I did a better job of that with kids that age. I’d see if there’s a 2 hour block you can regularly carve out to leave the house on your own with no kids just so you feel like you can breathe.

I'm a teacher (secondary HoD) married to a non teacher.

To be honest, I love that I can have the holidays with my son and he doesn't have to go to holiday clubs. We have a lovely time.

My DH is self employed and works flexibly in term time to do school pick up/drop off, hold the Fort when I have parents evenings/open evening etc. We both pull our weight at home so the balance is fair.

Maybe for you, it's the balance of things generally rather than having the children in the holidays?

That said, although I absolutely love having the holidays with my son, I have one, very chilled out 10 year old. I appreciate the experience is probably very different with babies/toddlers or less chilled children.

I'm a teacher and looked after my children in the holidays when they were young. I liked having that time with them but I did find pre school years harder for that as it gives you no time to yourself during the day, though mine are 5 years apart so I didn't have two under 5s at the same time.

When eldest was 2 to 3, she went to day nursery twice a week. I had to pay anyway, so I took her there as usual - plus it kept the routine going for her.

When youngest was 3 to 4 she had a childminder 3 days a week (part time, term time nursery) so again I continued to send her when I wanted to - she could go all day as I had to pay the full day rate even though she went to nursery in term time.

At primary school some years they ran a holiday club for two to 3 weeks at their school, so I booked both in for a couple of days a week.

Other years I booked them into clubs - eg gymnastics, tennis. Those were not necessarily for more than a few hours but it gave them a routine and me a bit of a break.

We have always had a holiday as a family in the summer- usually 10 days to 2 weeks long, or sometimes 2 separate weeks, so then my DH was with us.

Other than that I made sure I met up with friends and family for days out with the children. I tried to have 2 days a week either without the children or with another adult.