Teacher married to non teacher

I used to find spending whole days with them (and weeks!) daunting when my children were nursery age. Last summer (when they were 4 and 6) I genuinely enjoyed it. I’m not a teacher any more but have my own business and can take lots of time off in the summer so couldn’t justify putting them in clubs etc more than the odd day when I really have to go into work.

For me I write a list of outings and places we can go out in advance and go out somewhere every day (including plenty of free ones like playgrounds and parks which are slightly further afield) but also let them watch a film each day or do something low key at home for a bit of time off for me.

Don’t feel bad, I definitely used to feel the same and it really has changed over time!

OP sympathies.

Full time teacher here and with 1&4 yo kids I went to work for a rest.
2&5 was slightly better.
3&6 felt dreamy, we could go out without nappies and just needed a picnic.
4&7 was amazing!

Hold on in there.
The days are long but the years really are short. I know this sounds glib and not the kind of shit you want to hear when you're knee deep in 2 kids not listening, and screaming. However the holidays really are a joy now. Set yourself a routine up. Connect with other teacher parents to meet up and share the load.

Doing no work on the evenings is the "me" time. Don't feel guilty about an hour of cbeebies while you lie with a cuppa either.

I find it really wierd that so many parents "dread" a couple of days a week with their children.

I remember being a child, my mum didn’t work but I still enjoyed going to clubs etc. Why wouldn’t I? When mine were younger I always used childcare on subsequent mat leaves, my dc preferred it apparently.

I have a lot of sympathy OP. I think once you relax into those days you’ll find a better rhythm. It is tough with little kids. It’s great that you’ve a couple of days off a week. What helped me was planning one nice thing a day but keeping expectations low. Can you set up a paddling pool and have friends over? Any water play was always brilliant fun with ours. Keep repeating- it’s just a phase, just a phase. The more I looked after them myself the easier it got and the more I enjoyed it.

It's always a better situation for the non teacher to be a women and the teacher to be a man.

I find it equals up a lot of the domestic labour and childcare as they have to do all the work and childcare in the holidays.

All sympathy

This is the issue, that you find parenting so difficult. I'd have thought a teacher would find dealing with only 2 children quite easy, in practical terms

Being a secondary school teacher where you teach classes of teenagers for an hour at a time has very little in common with wrangling toddlers all day. Which is easier depends very much on the toddlers in question, the type of school you work in, and what your strengths are!

It was clear to me that the OP is the teacher?

Looking after my demanding child is much harder than teaching. And I've certainly taught a few demanding children who behaved better for me than their parents.

We're all different.

The friend I mentioned was not the one keen to have children. It was the work away for a month at a time DH. He was basically keen to have children if someone else did the work.

Men are rarely criticised for spending little time with their children. Where is the DH in this?

That's the problem, not your working hours, his. I hated it when DH travelled for work when ours were that age and it was only a few times a year.

Can he dial it back a bit? What do the mothers on his team do? "Essentials" at work for fathers often turn out not to be essential at all for mothers.

Does he take the kids at the weekend and give you a break? Do you have a cleaner to at least take that off your plate?

Are you the teacher? Presumably not as you say you are thinking of colleagues married to teachers?

I'm sorry but I don't have any answers for you.

Almost ALL parents find school holidays hard but they suck it up and get on with it.

Please start to think how lucky you are to have two healthy children when this forum is full of women not able to conceive, have children with special needs, or are single parents.

To be really harsh, you need to grow up. It was your choice to have children.

If you are real, I would be happy to stand corrected.

But I find it bizarre that a part-time teacher would start a thread moaning they have no time to themselves to go shopping and get their hair done on MN knowing how much that alone will rile posters, with the added complaint that they don't enjoy looking after their own children because they don't have any childcare for six weeks.

Booking into a holiday club probably isn’t something I would do, to be honest.

So you don’t want help & for whatever reason your DH can’t help so it doesn’t leave you much option then.

I'm not meaning to be unkind so I really hope it isn't coming across that way. I completely agree DH needs to be taking time off too. When's he using his leave? Is he in the army or an oil rig worker etc? That's a bit different. But could he take unpaid parental leave?

I think you're focusing on the wrong thing here, which is you being a teacher and what you therefore do in the holidays. Most people are responsible for their kids during their holiday or annual leave time, that's completely normal and not a teacher thing (although yes it can be daunting for some) and most people don't get a break from their kids in the way you seem to be hoping for (days off alone in the week). However, your last post now spells out what you really mean, which is that you get no me time or time to recharge at all. Why are you not ever able to meet a friend on the weekend whilst your husband has the kids? This is bonkers and absolutely should be addressed. So ignore the school holiday thing, see what can be done about that.

As a separate thing, could you tell us a bit more about what it is you're finding hard about solo parenting for whole days at the moment? What do you struggle with? You've had some suggestions already but you might get more of we understand a bit more about what is making you so unhappy.

I’m going to leave this thread now, but I get you. My ex works in education and it’s bloody hard. Even working 3 days can feel like a full week. I’d not have expected him to take care of the kids 100% every single holidays because when you’re in a relationship both parents are allowed some time to decompress. That is meant to be the whole point of a partnership in raising children. Not everyone loves every stage of childhood either - I actually found the early years easier than these middle ones (post reception/pre secondary), but my circumstances are quite different and sadly makes long holidays more challenging as the years go by.

It’s not about working part time or having a job that means you can cover all childcare. You obviously feel like you’re struggling and need a bit more support from your husband. You’re not a single parent and I can see why you feel like the childcare being instantly and always put on you without question makes it feel like a dreaded chore. But a struggling mum and teacher is never going to have kind replies on AIBU unfortunately.

I hope you can arrange a break for yourself over summer, even if it’s a few days here and there.

I think at this age, yes, the holidays are hard work. But by the time the children are about 10/11, you’ll feel lucky that you have this arrangement. I actually chose to teach so that I could work term time only (thankfully, I love the job) and now it means I really enjoy doing lots of summer trips with my 13 year old. Find some holiday clubs before then if you can.

I find it really wierd that so many parents "dread" a couple of days a week with their children.

Same here, unless their dc have particular needs which are hard to manage. I'm a teacher (though admittedly so was dh while the dc were young) and I enjoyed being at home with my children and always found it way, way easier than being at work. I was part time for a while, so did spend days with my dc when dh was not there.

Wow, you only work 3 days a week and you get all school holidays off, and you're complaining that you have to spend time with your own kids.

I've seen it all now.

Gosh I hope it is not a real thread as there have been some quite unpleasant responses.

We've just finished a week of end of year 6 activities most of which seemed to require parental presence and the parents who weren't teachers had done flexi, gone in late, taken half days off, were responding to emails at the event etc.

Teachers can't do that. They have to be at work in person.

If you are envious of teaching holidays there are tons of vacancies. Come and join us!