Page 15 | Teacher married to non teacher

allsummereverysummer · 2024-07-13T06:42:00+00:00

It’s on my mind at the moment that I’m responsible for childcare every holiday until they are of an age they don’t really need it … I know that’s obvious. I think it’s just I do the lions share of everything as it is. Feels like a long time to have them over the summer tbh.

Hateliars34 · 13/07/2024 09:03

allsummereverysummer · 13/07/2024 07:55

I don’t think there would be any clubs available to be honest, certainly not next summer as he won’t have started reception.

I think I am just conscious I find one day with them really tough going, the thought of five a week is daunting 😂 of course other jobs spend annual leave with children but it doesn’t tend to be for six weeks at a time which I know is a bonus for those better at this parenting lark than me!

He will be much easier next summer, OP!! There's a world if difference between age 3 and 4.

And can you book a child minder once or twice a week for the summer holidays? Will DH book some time too for you all to spend time together/go on holiday?

Keeva2017 · 13/07/2024 09:03

I would have felt the same op when my kids were your ages. Now at 7 and 4 I feel differently and it’s still changing. Taking them away on my own for a week and I’m so excited. The younger years hit some of us differently.

Cuppapuppa · 13/07/2024 09:03

And if you don’t trust your DH with the dc or he doesn’t want to be with them things aren’t really going to improve much in a year or so!

Helpfullright · 13/07/2024 09:03

allsummereverysummer · 13/07/2024 08:37

@Martymcfly24 i do during the holidays yes sorry.

But there is confusion on the thread. Eventually I will have a couple of days a week to myself but for the next three years I won’t have any ‘break’. I’ll have one child in the holidays and one on my days off.

im sure it’s the same for a lot of people and maybe I am being a wimp about it. But I do ‘feel’ lack of time to myself … the house is permanently a mess and I struggle to do things like meet with friends, get my hair done, browse the shops - OK it’s quite shallow I know and I wouldn’t be without them.

At the moment I have

Two days a week during school holidays which is 5 weeks (one is August bank holidays, they go on Mondays.) So ten days total.

Two October half term

Two February half term (Christmas is closed for one week and the week after tends to be a family holiday.)

two Easter holiday

one may half term

So two and a half weeks over the whole year where I can do those things. And it is a perk of the job.

Booking into a holiday club probably isn’t something I would do, to be honest. Unless one of them wanted to in the future.

2 and a half weeks more than a non teacher working full time! Enjoy them! 👍🏻

MultiplaLight · 13/07/2024 09:03

You need to leave them with your H. That part is ridiculous.

However the rest of your posts are entirely valid. Small kids are hard work. Whether longed for, or not, they are hard work in the moment.

Some posters are being horrible OP. You don't need that.

Martymcfly24 · 13/07/2024 09:03

LostTheMarble · 13/07/2024 08:48

I’m going to leave this thread now, but I get you. My ex works in education and it’s bloody hard. Even working 3 days can feel like a full week. I’d not have expected him to take care of the kids 100% every single holidays because when you’re in a relationship both parents are allowed some time to decompress. That is meant to be the whole point of a partnership in raising children. Not everyone loves every stage of childhood either - I actually found the early years easier than these middle ones (post reception/pre secondary), but my circumstances are quite different and sadly makes long holidays more challenging as the years go by.

It’s not about working part time or having a job that means you can cover all childcare. You obviously feel like you’re struggling and need a bit more support from your husband. You’re not a single parent and I can see why you feel like the childcare being instantly and always put on you without question makes it feel like a dreaded chore. But a struggling mum and teacher is never going to have kind replies on AIBU unfortunately.

I hope you can arrange a break for yourself over summer, even if it’s a few days here and there.

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Look I'm not saying it's not hard
I'm a full time teacher and a deputy principal so I have work to do in the evenings in the holidays.
Grandparents work and live a couple of hours away
Husband works full time and I have a 5 year old with autism as well as a 8 year old. I don't resent him we are both doing our best.
I have not had an hour to myself in 8 years as they go to my school so I have them every single day even in the car! Older one has a couple of summer camps.

My tip is lots of teacher friends with kids. Lots of cheap days out and play dates at each other's houses where ye can chat and kids play.

BlackBean2023 · 13/07/2024 09:03

Not a teacher but I work term time. I used to work full time. DH works full time with statutory holiday - 2 weeks of which is directed at Xmas.

I've always used my annual leave to cover childcare. The only difference now, and for you, is that I don't have to pay ££££ for holiday clubs because I have enough time off to cover the break. I'm not sure any parent has time off to themselves and most parents of young children will spread their annual leave to share so don't really have that much time as a family.

I know teaching is a tough gig but this really is a perk.

AnneElliott · 13/07/2024 09:02

distinctpossibility · 13/07/2024 07:51

All working parents (in a functional set up) use the vast majority of annual leave for childcare / to spend time with their children. For many, that's mostly solo with maybe a week overlapping with the other parent, paying £2k to go and get rained on somewhere different.

That made me laugh! It was like this the first holiday we had with DS in the Isle of Wight!

redfacebigdisgrace · 13/07/2024 09:02

@allsummereverysummer just read about you not leaving DP with the kids! Why not? That’s going to be an issue right there. They’re 5 and 2. They need to spend time with their dad. And he needs to be able to parent his kids. What’s going on?

Yazzi · 13/07/2024 09:02

You're not being unreasonable. I'm a non teacher married to a teacher and this part effing rules 😂

Phineyj · 13/07/2024 09:02

Do you mean you would only leave them with him when you have no choice? Why do you feel that way?

Lordofmyflies · 13/07/2024 09:00

I thought teacher worked the vast majority of the 14 weeks holiday they got?! Most teachers I know tell me they spend their holidays preparing lessons, marking etc. Surely if you are doing this then you need to send and pay for your children to go to childcare to crack on with all your work?

Cuppapuppa · 13/07/2024 09:00

I wouldn’t leave DH with the kids . I don’t like it when I have no choice so when there is a choice we share the load.

Surely this is your problem? Why on earth can’t you leave your dc with their father?!

Phineyj · 13/07/2024 09:00

Do you trust DH to take care of the kids safely?

LemonandLimeCake · 13/07/2024 09:00

redfacebigdisgrace · 13/07/2024 08:58

@LemonandLimeCake what an unpleasant individual you are. Reporting this.

I'm saying what a lot of other posters have.

I've suggested the OP gets professional help because she's struggling. OR she puts her thread on a different part of MN where she can ask for support rather than come across as she is here.

Phineyj · 13/07/2024 08:58

I don't get any of this tbh.

OP you are using the absolute minimum of childcare and won't book extra nor do you feel DH can look after the kids? Really? Do you want time to yourself or not? Those are your options: paid for; their other parent: favour swaps; relations if you're lucky to have helpful ones.

And please, people telling her to suck it up, apply for teaching. We need you! Not even getting a single application for some vacancies. Can't fill PGCE courses. So strange with the holidays being such a great perk .

redfacebigdisgrace · 13/07/2024 08:58

@LemonandLimeCake what an unpleasant individual you are. Reporting this.

Sharptonguedwoman · 13/07/2024 08:57

DelphiniumBlue · 13/07/2024 08:41

This is the issue, that you find parenting so difficult. I'd have thought a teacher would find dealing with only 2 children quite easy, in practical terms, so I'm guessing there's something else going on that's causing you problems.
Is it your health, or the fact that maybe you are trying to work while looking after little ones? Or depression or financial issues? Relationship issues?
If you can identify what you are struggling with, we can maybe give more specific help.

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Just a quick thought. I was a secondary school teacher and I found I enjoyed the time more with my daughter when she was a bit older. Some people love babies and little ones, some love slightly older children. Squabbling toddlers wouldn't be my idea of fun either. And yes, I do like young people.

whathasitgottodowiththepriceofoliveoil · 13/07/2024 08:57

LostTheMarble · 13/07/2024 08:26

That’s not how it works, that’s not fair parenting. The OP’s job has little to do with how much the other parent contributes to raising their children, and it reads like the op does everything regardless. To the point where the thought of the 6 weeks summer holidays is causing her to worry. It shouldn’t be like that.

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I think the term time workload needs looking at for sure

LemonandLimeCake · 13/07/2024 08:57

allsummereverysummer · 13/07/2024 08:51

I wouldn’t leave DH with the kids @Deliaskis . I don’t like it when I have no choice so when there is a choice we share the load. But again that probably will change and I’m probably being a bit dramatic and pessimistic. At the moment I’m kind of surviving by thinking in a week I’ll have a tiny break and next year I won’t!

I feel sorry for your kids.

The disdain and dislike you feel for them must be obvious to them.

Not wanting to be around your children for 3 days a week is pretty awful yet you don't seem to be able to understand how this appears to other people.

I had 2 with less than a 2 year gap. DH was often overseas with work. In laws and my parents in other countries.

It was hard, bloody hard. I had them 24/7 for days.

Seriously look online and google parent coaching/ parent coaches.

You really need some professional input rather than wishing your children were grown up and out from under your feet.

Anotherones · 13/07/2024 08:57

allsummereverysummer · 13/07/2024 07:55

she says he’s a teacher, we don’t have annual leave as such.

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Nor should you with the amount of school holidays you have. You could always pay for childcare like other parents have to.

Runninggirls26 · 13/07/2024 08:57

LaunchingTeabag · 13/07/2024 07:44

Another reason for teachers to moan

It’s not all teachers. It’s one who is finding parenting difficult.
Are you a teacher? And if not, why?

CelesteCunningham · 13/07/2024 08:56

allsummereverysummer · 13/07/2024 08:51

I wouldn’t leave DH with the kids @Deliaskis . I don’t like it when I have no choice so when there is a choice we share the load. But again that probably will change and I’m probably being a bit dramatic and pessimistic. At the moment I’m kind of surviving by thinking in a week I’ll have a tiny break and next year I won’t!

You need to leave him with the kids! He's travelling with work, I bet he goes to a quiet hotel room by himself in the evening, and I bet you'd kill for that. You need to leave him with the kids solo, and he needs to appreciate the hard yards you're putting in.

Also, seriously @LemonandLimeCake , OP has been crystal clear that she is a teacher and her DH isn't. I don't understand your confusion. Maybe reread her posts.

Deliaskis · 13/07/2024 08:56

allsummereverysummer · 13/07/2024 08:51

I wouldn’t leave DH with the kids @Deliaskis . I don’t like it when I have no choice so when there is a choice we share the load. But again that probably will change and I’m probably being a bit dramatic and pessimistic. At the moment I’m kind of surviving by thinking in a week I’ll have a tiny break and next year I won’t!

I think this is your problem - you wouldn't leave him with the kids, because you don't enjoy it so you don't ask it of him? Sorry but it's absolutely unreasonable that you don't feel able to say to DH 'look I need some time away from them to get some bits done and connect with a friend, can you make a plan for having the kids Saturday afternoon?'. You need to figure out why you can't or don't do this and fix it.

Cuppapuppa · 13/07/2024 08:56

And my dc are older now but I still work p/t, I need time without them!