Teacher married to non teacher

I was in the same position as you OP. I loved looking after my own DD though. I planned something nice to do every day and appreciated how much nicer it was spending time with my own child than other people's. Stick with it and enjoy it- you will look back fondly on the long summer hols when they're all grown up.

Most people are at work when they're at work and have their children when they're not? DH is working today and I have a vomiting child at home, I've been at work all week. That's parenting isn't it? Last weekend I was on call and got called in so DH had DS, did the housework, got him to a party, cooked dinner etc. It's just family life.
The difference seems to be that your DH works away tues-thurs so you have those evenings by yourself. My DH works one late a week and so do I, my aunt and uncle worked opposite day and nights for years when their children were young. Make the most of the times you are all together as a family

You won’t have your DH watch the kids
You won’t put them in a holiday club
And then moan you don’t get time to yourself

Either accept that you are a parent not an individual (which personally I completely disagree with but some people especially on here do think that way) or find ways to have a balance between the two and that may mean having them looked after by someone else for a couple of hours

Obviously I appreciate that’s more difficult if SEN is involved but unless I have missed it that doesn’t seem to be the case with OP

I suppose this highlights we all face different challenges as parents.

You’re worried about spending all your holidays with your children, I’m worried that my annual leave doesn’t cover all the time she’s off school, yes I can use holiday clubs but when I work 12hr shifts including weekends, Christmas and bank holidays you quickly find yourself in a bit of pickle but hey ho different horses for different courses 🙃

I’m going to be really controversial here, why is it that people choose to have children they then don’t actually want to spend time with? I have always really loved the school holidays and a chance to spend proper time with my kids when they are not exhausted from school (but then, I was lucky enough to have very easy kids)

More reasonably, if you’ve had them all day OP, hand them over to dh for the evening routine!

I am not a teacher and all of my AL is used for childcare, plus a bit of extra stress finding childcare for the hols that dh and i cant cover with AL. So i don't have 6 weeks in a row but also dont have any days to myself.

Your kids are young but it will get easier as they get older and you can watch them play rather than supervise so much. If you have any friends with kids try to arrange trip to park together it is easier if a bit of adult chat included.

I'm a teacher (F/T) and I think it's a bloody privilege to have all summer off.

Mine are teens now but even when they were younger and harder, I saw it as an absolute gift that I was given six weeks off with my children, paid.

You must see that given how much other parents struggle with juggling annual leave/the cost of childcare, it's a bit tactless to moan about six weeks off with your children?

I’m always amazed these days how many people have kids and then voice that raising them is actually a bit of a pain in the arse and takes up their ‘free’ time…

It’s called parenting.
Yes it takes time.
Yes it’s hard work.
Yes there’s more to it with lots of hard graft you don’t see in Insta photo reels of those perfect moments.

Absolutely this.

I’m a teacher and I see it as a massive perk! It’s literally the only thing keeping me in the job.
My husband picks up the slack during term time as his job is more flexible.

Why on earth won't you leave the children with their own father?

You have choices.

• pay for more nursery days/childcare, maybe go back to full time to pay for it
• outsource other household stuff such as cleaning, garden etc
• DH picks up his share of parenting, at least when he is there
• Look for some parenting classes/sessions to help with managing the children if you are finding that a challenge

Not everyone has the luxury of choices. You are making a rod for yourself by not allowing/expecting the children's father to take responsibility for them at times.

I think people are missing the point in their jealousy over the long holidays. Why are people like this?
Does no one remember how relentless it was when the kids are young? I was at home with the kids all the holidays as we couldn't get childcare for one of them and other reasons (although the irony is he wasn't the difficult one). I felt I was either at work or with the kids and I dreaded the holidays sometimes, if the weather was bad then there would be bickering and fighting, getting five mins peace was impossible. They needed constant entertainment and there was all this on top of the broken nights.

The only consolation I can offer is that it gets easier, they want to go to clubs, meet friends or just want to chill in their rooms. Although you do become a taxi service! Outings are even often fun. Now mine are grown (bar one), I miss some of those days.

As a parent of children with special/additional needs, please kindly fuck off with using me and my children as an emotional blackmail weapon against the op. Us parents of children with disabilities also chose to have them, we don’t need disingenuous pity from people like you. The op is allowed to find it just as difficult to enjoy constant parenting as anyone. So take your own advice and grow up.

You could try and see the positives of your situation too. At my work, it's always hard to get time off in July and August as everyone wants it and it also coincides with a busy period. I would absolutely love to have the summer holidays off, or even half the time off, to do fun stuff with the DC. Also, does your partner take their annual leave in school holidays so you can do things together?

I am a teacher and have had my DC every holiday since they were born. I've worked FT for most of those years although I did do PT when they were little.

It is hard when they are young but it gets easier the older they get. Mine are 13 and 9 now and I count down to the holidays as I love our lazy days and spending time together. This probably doesn't help you right now but it won't always be like this!

It’s not really about the dc & not wanting to be around them. It sounds like the OP has to do everything because DH is either not there, she doesn’t trust him with the dc or he doesn’t want to help. That would be exhausting for many people & I don’t understand why anyone would be happy with that setup.

I may be living in an echo chamber but that is considerably more time to yourself than most of the women I know. I am self employed so very lucky I can work when I want and get time off to myself (there is a financial penalty for this). All of my friends work full time, the only time they get off is from annual leave and that will be with the children. Hair appts etc are made in the evenings for them.

Edited to say obviously we do stuff for ourselves at the weekend

Lovely response.

I can't really relate, OP, as I absolutely loved the time that I had with my dc when I wasn't working and wanted as much of it as possible, but I know that a lot of people find it tough so you're certainly not alone.

It's totally reasonable to need a bit of time to yourself to meet friends, go to the hairdressers etc. But I don't really understand why you can't do this... you're not a single parent? I get that your DH works long hours during the week but can't you leave the kids with him sometimes at weekends to get a bit of a break? Or when he is on annual leave?

I think you are getting a bit of a hard time- I had a couple of summers when I wasnt had young children say 2 and 6 and it was hard work - and the 2 year was pretty easy going as they go. I really value having a bit of time on my own in the house to get things sorted too. And i also struggled with how little you can do apart child care with that age It will get easier - mine did things like sports club some of the time when they were older and lots of them are short days and just for fun -i would do some nice things with your older one when younger one is in nursery, and I like d to hang out with other parents

I was already a parent when I did a PGCE. Almost all childcare responsibilities fell to me, both term time and holidays. When the DC were aged 7-11 they really enjoyed going to holiday clubs for a few days, making new friends, getting a break from each other and doing different activities.

Pay for extra days at nursery or your partner can use some leave. Once they are at school they can go to holiday clubs for some of the weeks/ days. There’s a few holiday clubs near me that will take pre school children if they are over 4 so there are some out there.

You are lucky to have the choice/ option as many don’t!

I’ve been exactly where you are OP! My children are older now and I ADORE my holidays. We get to spend so much time together and do so many fun things, but also lots of chilling (they’re 8 and 11). The early years were tough because you feel like you’re going from one tough job to another during the holidays, but as they get older you’ll be so grateful for that time with them. I used to envy my husband but now I feel for him that I get all this time and he doesn’t. If I didn’t have the children, I’d be so bored for most of the holidays. It passes I promise!