Teacher married to non teacher

But honestly OP, like so many of us are saying, that just is life with young DC. I'm the first to admit I find it tough (although my youngest is 4 now and it's definitely getting easier and easier, that started when she was about 2.5 so I think you're getting there), and that I've lost myself a bit and if you want a moan about the relentlessness of parenting young DC while working I'll be right there with you, moan away.

But it's like this is hitting you a few years later than it hit the rest of us because you've had a huge amount of time to yourself up til now. For most of us it starts on the maternity ward! I do think you have slightly unrealistic expectations.

You do need to put more on your DH though, he can definitely look after his own DC, you manage it all the time.

ETA, don't rule out holiday clubs once they're old enough. My 6yo is doing two weeks at scouts (she's not in scouts, it's just a summer camp they do) and a few days at gymnastics as well as her usual out of school club, and she can't wait. Especially for scouts because her bff is going too so they'll get to see each other every day. And I'm happy because she'll be outside running and climbing and having a ball.

@allsummereverysummer

You should be able to have a break.
You should see friends and have hobbies.
But you should have a partner who helps & that you can trust 🤷🏻‍♀️

What will change in 2 yrs?

Sexism

Yeah it's sort of depends how you look at it. We never have the stress of trying to juggle insufficient annual leave with the school holidays and never have to worry about holiday club being booked out or spending a fortune on summer holiday childcare and I get to spend all summer with my kids, which I used to love but the novelty has worn off a bit now!

But yes you never really get a break and it gets irritating seeing your partner use AL to 'get stuff done' or relax when you don't get that opportunity.

I tend to book mine into a cheap holiday club for a week towards the end of the hols just for a bit of a break now.

The interesting question is, why is it controversial as a mum to publicly admit that you find time with children sometimes draining, but it passes without comment for the dad to "work away" for weeks or months at a time?

I will be browsing the shops later after dropping my children off with their father. I’m such a terrible parent. I’m also going to slob out in front of the tv and order a takeaway before spending most of tomorrow morning in bed. I can’t wait, it will be heaven. Ill let my kids know it’s because I don’t like them, not because I simply need a break.

We are taking it seriously, OP.
There were times in my life when I felt that I was working at work, then working at home. We had no family at all to support and it felt relentless. However - it's not forever! The children get more independent and it gets easier.

Funny thing about having kids is you don't know what it's going to be like until you have had them and it's not as if you can send them back. Although we could actually have sent some of ours back, but we wouldn't have done, like most people we stuck it out. But I've never forgotten how hard some of those days were, so I can offer empathy for those who are still in the thick of it.

Also by your own admission, you had easy kids, so really you have no experience to add.

So if too young ask nursery if there are extra days available or find a childminder for those days. Like people in other professions have to pay for

I don't understand why you don't explain why you say you will never be without a child when you're not at work? Why can't you leave the children with your husband at weekends? Why doesn't he take annual leave?

I am a teacher and didn't realise until I had children what a boon it would be. I understand that early years can be demanding, but I think you have to work out strategies to make the time enjoyable.
We couldn't afford to pay for childcare in the holidays, so I did it all. The toddler years are tough, but just think about varying the activities, keeping them busy and engaged, enjoying the time together. It goes before you know it, and I'm glad that I was able to have that time together.
If you have issues with your husband and his work, you're going to need to talk about that.

I was thinking at first that I get your point and we’ve had similar chats in our household. Then I read that they are both at nursery 2 days a week… When they are both in school use some holiday camps to give you a breather, but really I think you need to give your head a wobble.

I’m going to be really controversial here, why is it that people choose to have children they then don’t actually want to spend time with? I have always really loved the school holidays and a chance to spend proper time with my kids when they are not exhausted from school (but then, I was lucky enough to have very easy kids)

I don’t think it’s controversial to not want to spend all my time with them!

I don’t want to hijack the OP’s thread (not looking for the pre mentioned pity), but sometimes parenting doesn’t always turn out the be the idea you had in your head. I have three children, two with ASD/adhd and one on the ASD pathway (who is also three and comes with its own fun). It is hard, those summers of adventures and fun I had dreamt of have over the years turned into 6 weeks of damage control. I have one child who is incredibly socially anxious - takes a lot of encouragement to get him to go anywhere that isn’t home. My other son is high needs and a two adult situation when out and about. I can work around taking one or two out at a time but it’s stressful regardless. The only thing that saves my sanity is sharing the holidays with their dad - before we split I honestly thought I’d was heading for a breakdown from everything being on me (and I feel guilty about that!). I love my children, they’re brilliant little people. But they thrive on the routine of school, the holidays are not fun family time for us. But that’s just my situation, everyone is different.

OP, parenting young children is really hard.

if I’m reading you right, you’re children are pre-school… it’s was the hardest time for me as I found it exhausting and quite dull.

I found the best thing was meticulous planning to keep them occupied and out of the house as much as possible. Can you increase the days they are in childcare?

Unfortunately you have discovered too late that you do not actually like children, don't want to be with them and long to ''browse the shops''

Wow - childcare they are your kids.

It is clear that OP is the teacher. ‘Colleagues married to teachers’ means teacher married to another teacher so they are both off over the holidays together so the summer isn’t sole responsibility for either of them.

There was another poster who’s DH was a teacher, which OP commented on, perhaps you are confusing the two.

It isn’t fair to invalidate OP feelings because other people have it harder. Nobody who is struggling finds any comfort in thinking oh well, at least it isn’t even worse.

Sounds like the 2 kids are at a tricky age/dynamic at the moment, it’s intense and the OP is missing time to decompress. Perhaps a couple of hours child-free time will help you reset? Speak to your DH.

I don't think it's misogyny to suggest that she should have the bulk of the childcare - she works three days, and has 13 weeks holiday.
If she feels that the husband should do more, they need to have a conversation about his work.

OP does the 'lion share' here in lay the problem.

Parenting should be shared, the only time its OK for a parent to do the lions share is when a) Partner is dead. b) Partner is a criminal and you need distance from them!

@allsummereverysummer I have friends who are teachers and they all use year round nurseries for their children so they have time off over the summer. Although rarer than camps for older children, I have seen a few advertised in my area that take children from 2 to 10 and do half and full days ad hoc so they do exist. Look into it for your own sanity.

I think this is a stupid question and quite unkind really.

I always loved spending time with my dc, and count myself as very lucky for feeling that way, but none of us really know how we are going to feel about it until we are actually in it. I'm sure that the OP adores her kids and that they're very well cared for, she just finds caring for them for extended periods difficult. Not everyone is the same?

Do you spend the first week of your holidays at work?

Yes, her DH doesn't get 6 weeks holiday in the summer.

Same advice- solve the problem to suit you. He takes all of his holidays in the summer might be their solution.