Teacher married to non teacher

@allsummereverysummer check out your local library/sports centre/churches. Won't help while they're in nursery maybe but around here lots offer holiday club type activities where you can leave children from reception age. Church ones here are free too.

Dh was the teacher in our relationship. I did make sure he got time to himself if he wanted during weekends/my day off plus didn't just assume he'd do everything else even though he had assumed this of me for years before. Appreciate it's harder when dh is working away though. Can he meal prep stuff for you when he's around to make your life a bit easier?

I'm not a Teacher but work term time only.
I feel lucky that we don't have to worry about finding childcare in the holidays when so many of our friends find it a stressful juggling act. On the other hand, I understand it can feel a bit relentless being with your small children 24/7 for several weeks when you're knackered. That's life with young children though, and if you didn't work term time only you'd have to use all your AL to cover the holidays, inset days, sick days etc so you wouldn't necessarily get a break anyway.

It gets a lot easier as the kids get older and I would say on the whole the positives of working TTO outweigh the negatives. My DC both have SEN so although we have lots of fun together in the holidays it can definitely be hard work. DH doesn't work term time only, but he takes his AL in the school holidays and he also takes the kids away for a long weekend every summer to give me a break.

This summer I've booked DD10 onto a 5 day dance workshop and DS6 is doing a 2 days the same week, so ill have a few hours to myself on those days. DS is also doing a couple of days football training another week, so it also means I get one on one time with both of them at different points in the holiday. I don't feel bad about using these clubs when we don't need the childcare as they are really keen to do these things and we can afford it. I appreciate it wouldn't be an option for some families though were money is tight or the kids don't want to go.

As someone who works on schools so has lots of "holidays" I put my foot down and make DH take some time of in the school holidays. If I don't it means I end up totally burnt out (mum of 3 kids 1 whom has significant complex support needs and 1 who has SEN needs) and DH then ends up with loads of spare holidays and was using them for random week's of in term time. I don't grudge him doing that on a day here and there but when I am carrying all the childcare load its unfair. I also now use sports holiday clubs for the older 2 for a bit in the summer. This summer the kids have 7.5 weeks of and DH has taken 2 weeks. I have also booked to go away for a weekend to my best friends. I ended up really unwell last August because I was burnt out after doing most of the childcare last summer on my own and swore never again. DH was told he would be helping more and if he didn't I would change jobs so he had to take school holidays of to as I would be working. He now takes lots.

I don't really get it OP. What would you be "doing to your DH"? He already seems content for you to spend all your time off being responsible for childcare? Why the heck shouldn't he do a chunk of the weekend or the odd day in the (dates confirmed two years in advance, very predictable) school holidays?

I actually think one of the biggest adjustments to becoming a parent is that you no longer get an annual leave day off.

You are either at work, or looking after children. And because for most people there isn't enough annual leave to both be off together with the other parent very much then you are looking after children by yourself.

Some people are fortunate to have family support who will look after the children for a day or two. But millions of people don't.

You need to make sure that your partner takes some leave in the summer as well, and then each give each other one or two days off

Edit..wrong thread

I’ve already answered it. I’ve said that quite simply I wouldn’t want him to do it to me so I don’t do it to him

But you have your dc alone, isn’t this what the thread is about?

Well personally I think he should see that the consequences of his job include the fact that his wife is shouldering all the burden at home and maybe take the kids out on Sunday morning.

Or even travel less. Like I said above, I am slightly sceptical of men with young DC whose jobs expect them to travel all the time. I wonder how many of them have female colleagues who manage to be home for dinner and bedtime most nights.

Im a teacher married to non teacher and i hear the main point behind your message which is you're worried to face a long 5 weeks largely on your own. I think lots of parents would actually find that daunting in some ways (i know i do!) rather than revelling in every moment. So for a practical idea of what i find has helped me:

1. Make a massive, massive list of every possible option of things to do within an hour drive. Ask facebook groups,other parents etc for ideas. Split into free/cheap and pricier.

Yes you’re get a hammering here because you dared to say the unsayable! Just ignore them. Parenting is tough, it’s crap at times and finding it hard doesn’t make you a bad person. I’m a teacher with teens and I know how bloody knackered you are at the beginning of the holidays. To then have to look after a toddler urghhhhh

My advice- deal with the now. You are fast forwarding. Three years ! Stop that (bossy teacher voice). And you are being a wee bit of a martyr too. Spending all your money on the kids. That is making you resent your situation more. Claw back some time and money for you. Kids don’t need loads spent on them.

But do address the husband thing (I see you avoiding that question 😂)

like so many of us are saying, that just is life with young DC

It isn't though. It's not how life is for her DH.

He gets to work uninterrupted, chill out in the evening, help out if he feels like it on the weekend, and given the OP keeps avoiding this question, probably takes his annual leave to go on cycling holidays.

It's not how my life with young DC is either - DH and I share the load, I get the odd day off without children and usually a couple of hours most weekends, we share the chores so I have a rest in the evenings too

But she doesn’t. He works when she doesn’t so of course she should do the childcare. And she said she wouldn’t have DH looking after them anyway so what has the DH done wrong?

@Itisjustmyopinion If your DH does nothing to help, isn’t there and you wouldn’t leave dc with him alone how is that not a DH problem?

Well I know.

But it's also internalised misogyny isn't it? There's always a pile on from other women on these threads.

It's OK to find filling a long summer holiday hard.

It's also hard getting childcare for that time.

It's hard when men don't pull their weight.

We all need more balance and an ability to put ourselves in other's shoes.

My DSis made very different parenting and career choices to me. Is her life easier? Not really. She's another one who was very anxious about leaving her kids with others, even their dad. That is a difficult way to be.

You need to plan for husband to look after the kids by himself for half of his holidays.
Try to book your kids into one (or two) days per week childcare or clubs during the time you are looking after them on your holidays. You are being paid.

Share the care for the weekends. try:

Each of you being soley responsible for one child all weekend.
or three hourly changes - you have them both, then him, then both of you have family time..repeat. or you have them for a half day while husband does all chores and the next day swap.

Use your creativity to think of a solution.

This is just normal surely. We have to tag team annual leave to cover the holidays so we aren’t together much either. I work and then look after the kids when not working. Everyone I know is literally in the same boat…

But she doesn’t. He works when she doesn’t so of course she should do the childcare. And she said she wouldn’t have DH looking after them anyway so what has the DH done wrong?

I don't understand why you don't explain why you say you will never be without a child when you're not at work? Why can't you leave the children with your husband at weekends? Why doesn't he take annual leave?

Im not sure why the OP is refusing to acknowledge any posts about her DH. Is this a troll thread?

Yes I did this ! But I hated teaching and went into supply teaching - now I work all term time but also have to work part time in holidays for financial reasons ! I’m seeing all the other teachers looking forward to their 6 weeks off and the ones with children looking forward to the time with children and I’m so jealous ! I would give anything to have a whole 6 weeks with them , you don’t get many summers 😔

But - don’t know OPs situation . Maybe a week or so in holiday clubs , then the rest with them .

It’s important to remember that annual leave elsewhere is only , 6 weeks? So a lot less than teachers - would it be fair for him to use it as childcare ?

This is a major point here OP. Why wouldn't you leave him with the kids. Did he not want kids?

I think this might be it. Lots of us have had to deal with this from day dot

Hang on, you said you wouldn’t leave DH with the kids. Is that right? Their own father never looks after them even for an afternoon? If so then THIS is your issue. The way to get time alone without your kids if you aren’t a solo parent isn’t to leave your job or use up all your annual leave or pay for holiday clubs. It’s to get their OTHER PARENT to look after them sometimes while you go off an enjoy your museum/swim/walk/whatever it is you enjoy.

What a spiteful post, just where is the need for that? She hasn't said that at all. Most of us need a bit of child free downtime every now and then.

The interesting question is, why is it controversial as a mum to publicly admit that you find time with children sometimes draining, but it passes without comment for the dad to "work away" for weeks or months at a time?

It’s odd that many can’t see that the OP has a DH problem.