Teacher married to non teacher

I'm a teacher with a non teaching husband. I love that I get to spend time with my daughter in the school holidays. It's the main bonus of the job! Make the most of it before they grow up. I would look at why you aren't enjoying your time with them. Are there too many house hold tasks for you to do at the same time as looking after them? Could these tasks be done in the evening once they are in bed or shared our with your husband so you have less to do? Do you have fun activities/trips lined up so each day has a purpose? Are you missing adult company? Perhaps take your children and spend a few days staying with relatives to break up the time. Have you got a family holiday planned with your husband too? I usually spend the last week working all day so when my daughter was younger used to book full time child care for the last week so I could do this. Apart from evenings, I then don't work during the day for the rest of the holidays. Perhaps balancing children and work is causing stress?

I'm sorry if I came over as harsh but having re-read some posts, it looks as if this is an H problem.

Most families I know, have a summer holiday for 2 weeks and even if they can't afford to go away, it means there are 2 adults to do the day care of the children.

Why can't your husband take time off in the summer @allsummereverysummer ?

That would leave you with 3 days for 4 weeks on your own- 12 days.

Although my DH worked long hours and was away a lot, he did take holiday. sometimes I went away on my own to see friends for a few days or long-distance family.

I also used weekends to go out and do shopping alone, or have my hair done, have spa day, or whatever, leaving him in charge.

Do you not have a network of friends who your DCs can see or play with their children?

No family nearby to share the load?

Local Facebook sites are usually full of things going on for kids at museums, play centres, many arranged by the local councils.

Have you had a look for these?

I don't understand why your H isn't taking holiday so he can be around and you have a family holiday.

My DP and I don’t have kids but this is one major reason why I’m happy we are both in education. I’m a teacher and he is HOY in a secondary school. When we have children it’ll be good to be able to share it because honestly I can’t imagine teaching the academic year and then having my own children for 6 weeks 😂

I felt extremely lucky to be a teacher and not have the nightmare of finding childcare during the holidays. As a teacher I liked children. Parenting is not always easy but can be joyful at times.

I have to say... I loved it too!
We're all different, though.

I would LOVE 6 weeks uninterrupted by work to be with and do things with my kids. I struggle to empathise at all OP. Of course the childcare falls to you - you’re off!!

@allsummereverysummer do you have local friends? It can be really hard to make those connections if you work most of the week during term time. It can make things a little bit easier especially in the summer hols to meet up with pals with kids a similar age or just have a picnic in the garden or something when one of you is having a rough day.

For me it’s one of the best reasons to stay in teaching! Early years are full on and tiring - it’ll get easier.

I'm feeling sad for the children whose parents think the summer is a "long time" to spend with them. Why bother to have kids and then chuck them in childcare (unless you have to work of course but teachers don't).

What a load of crap.

Less controversial and more upleasantly smug, especially as someone admitting to "very easy kids".

None of us know what the reality of children is until we have them or how we will respond to the load it brings.

I do agree that the DH should be doing more parenting and if he is genuinely unable to care for his own children for a few hours that is the root of many problems.

I’m TT plus and as mentioned have Aug off, so DH obviously takes some annual leave then because it would be pointless for him to holiday when I’m at work and the dc are in school…

Kids get extremely bored if they aren't doing something.

I'm stuck by your comment, I won't get a day off for years.

The only way that anyone gets a day off once they have small children, is for their partner to parent for the day.

It's completely normal to be either at work or with the children. Most people can't afford extra childcare when they are not working.

You are incredibly fortunate that for this summer you will have 10 full child free days, that's an enormous amount.

But it's not normal for one parent, your husband, not to do childcare without you.

Start small, meet a friend for Saturday afternoon walk and coffee, after the clubs. And go out for a couple of hours.

You're right, you did acknowledge the lazy DH. But a lot of people have basically said "it's life, suck it up sunshine" and it really isn't how all of us live with DC. It's definitely not the experience that her DH has.

But I do agree something has to give - she can't not use childcare, not ask her DH to do more and then also whinge about the consequences

Yes it's not clear OP what your DH is doing with his leave and why you're scared to leave your kids alone with him

I’d love to live in your world of blissful naïveté.

I really don't think it's a teacher thing. It's a term time working thing. The thing that's winding people up a bit is that it's what loads of people have to do but if they have a DH they have to take time off to be with the kids too. I don't get this "I wouldn't do it to him" thing. It's not you doing it. It's what is needed. Your family is in the lucky position (and yes it is a bonus) to not have to worry about time off during the school holidays. People are pointing this out. That's not to say anything about teaching being a tough job or not. You also are fortunate to be able to work part time.

This does not in anyway diminish that mumming is tough for a lot of people. Your DH, I assume is their father, and he needs to take his time off to cover some of this time you are finding tough.

I don't really get it OP. What would you be "doing to your DH"? He already seems content for you to spend all your time off being responsible for childcare? Why the heck shouldn't he do a chunk of the weekend or the odd day in the (dates confirmed two years in advance, very predictable) school holidays?

I dint get it either. Why would the DH not take annual leave during school holidays as that’s when the OP would have annual leave?

Im not sure what advice you’re looking for to be honest. Whilst I completely understand you currently finding childcare hard work without a break, you also say how your husband and father of your children isn’t around enough to do his part. And yes, unless there’s extenuating circumstances parents do need to work but not if everything else becomes a ‘you’ problem to figure out.

How much annual leave is he entitled to? How does he use it? Why can’t he take a few days and you can go browse the shops or do as you please for a few hours child free? There is obviously another layer of issues here that you’re not sharing - outside of MN most couples give each other more of a childcare break than you’re getting.

I think you've selectively quoted me there. I fully agree the DH needs to step the fuck up (and OP needs to let him), but I also think she has unrealistic expectations for the amount of child free time off working parents of young DC get. It's both.

I'm feeling sad for the children whose parents think the summer is a "long time" to spend with them. Why bother to have kids and then chuck them in childcare (unless you have to work of course but teachers don't).

At weekends the children have activities that can’t be done without one adult. DS does rugby and swimming and DD does swimming and a little baby ballet class.

Completely normal. But why does that stop you seeing friends and having hobbies? My dc are at a club with DH and I’m having a lie in, dicking about on MNs.

You've said that you work 3 days a week and have the kids the other two days. You've also said they'll be going to nursery 2 days a week in the holidays. So you have one more day with kids than normal, and 2 days off per week.

I suspect the issue is probably that he works away, so you're essentially a lone parent in the week? So the issue is with his job and the lack of support you are getting.

I would absolutely kill to have so much time with my kids, but can equally imagine feeling resentful for having no help week in week out all the drudgery that comes with that.

@Helpaladyoutplease's advice is good.