Teacher married to non teacher

Yes

Next summer will be easier.

Obvious question - why do you find it tough?

Cross post.

I know it's not all fun and games and isn't easy, but in all seriousness, what do people expect it to be like?

I think something to hold onto here is - this phase won't last long.

It gets easier OP. Some people really love the baby & toddler stage but other parents enjoy the primary school years or the teenage years more.

Personally, Once they were at school I found we could do things that were more likely to be mutually enjoyable like go for lunch, see a more interesting film or a musical instead of Peppa Pig etc, go round a museum, play more interesting board games etc.

Having 2 preschoolers all day, no DH through the week and no family around is tough going, so don’t let anyone make you feel guilty! Sounds like you are doing an awesome job!

It’ll be easier when one is at school and you just have one at a time to run after. After being used to having 2 all the time having just one actually feels like a break!

Hearing a teacher complaining about having too much time off to spend with their children, is a new one. Having young children is tiring, but hardly unexpected.

Me too. I'm jealous of my partner having the kids all summer! And I only get half that time. But I know we have that luxury and can afford merlin passes and everything in between to keep them well entertained.

I saw it as a massive perk of the job. It really does get easier year by year; young children are difficult. My DW also travels a lot with work, but arranged annual leave so that I had an uninterrupted week off at some point which I used to travel (solo), and I very much appreciated that.

I think it was a perfectly valid reply

No one really knows what having a child is like till you have one and you still don’t know what having children will be like when you have your 2nd or 3rd etc because the first is a shock to the system and every child and relationship between them is different
No one tells you the reality of feeding and changing a baby when they woke at 3am and you can still be feeding them 2 hours later

If you find it easier going out with them then why not look at going on days out instead of being at home
I was never in. (Years Merlin pass which was bought with Tesco club card meant Legoland, Chessington, London Aquarium, London Eye etc and packing a picnic)

Why would you only go out with them if you are going out in a group or when you are meeting others

The fact you don’t have any alone time now you have children isn’t that strange.

If you don’t find days with your dc enjoyable then tailor the day to something you enjoy

Take them to a big shopping mall and look at clothes for you and take them into different stores to look around at what they like. Go for a coffee and or lunch There is so much you can do if you look around

Even walking our dog was turned into a day out by going on a longish walk In a different area using the rights of way signposts and take a picnic we would walk the trail then finish off in a local pub for a cold drink

There are a 1001 things you could do.
These days out were not just about going somewhere and doing something but actually sitting down and talking to your children about all sorts of stuff

I’m a teacher and my DH isnt. My kids are 3 years apart. So in the early years when DS was 4 and DD was 1, she was in childcare three days a week in the holidays to keep her routine and DS was home with me. I would have definitely found it harder if there was a smaller age gap on the 2 days I had both of them. But on the other hand, all my holiday days were with at least one child. I haven’t ever really minded it but like I say maybe that’s the age gap.

they are 8 and 11 now and tend to play out all day. They’re old enough to come out for the day with me and for it to be really enjoyable for all of us (when they aren’t arguing!). I do feel it gets much easier and more enjoyable as they get older in the summer holidays

But he does do it to you? All the time?

And the occasional day of looking after his own children really shouldn't be a burden.

Why can't he take them for a few days in the school holidays?

She will this year, but not next year once the youngest moves to term time only provision.

Gosh, I always felt being able to spend the long summer holidays with DC was a privilege, I loved pottering about in the garden or kitchen with them, park or beach trips, walks, blackberrying, having time to just be, but if you don't, use some childcare, like you'd have to if you both had normal annual leave allocations.

Hahahah sorry I’m proper laughing (know I shouldn’t )

Paid-for private nurseries are open 52 weeks of the year @LostTheMarble

I know exactly how you feel OP. It will get better, eventually.

When my kids were little it used to frustrated me hugely that I could manage 32 teenagers at the same and yet I couldn't get my toddler daughter to put her clothes on or in fact do anything that I asked without some great drawn out negotiation process.

(Can't be arsed to change my username but it's not true currently)

Does your DH know how much you are struggling?
My DH used to work long hours and wasn't getting as much time with the girls as we wanted, we were working all hours to afford a small place in London.
When Covid came it made us both realise how much we valued the family time, I cut my hours, he changed to a less demanding job where could work from home 3-4 days out of 5, and we moved out of London. Yes we both took a salary cut, careers can wait but children can't, we realised we would never get this time back.
Can your husband look at a job where he is away less, even if this means a slight salary reduction?
You also need to give him some with just themselves you have some alone time. Daddy time is different to mummy time is different yo whole family time and all are valuable. My favourite memories are my Dad sneaking us out for a milkshake and park day

You are incredibly fortunate that for this summer you will have 10 full child free days, that's an enormous amount.

No she won’t, the children are not in nursery over summer. The op said they’re in preschool when she’s not at work during the term time - presumably this is a nursery attached to a school not private.

But I agree it’s not typical for there to be two parents and one won’t leave the children with the other for a few hours.

I do wonder why your DH doesn't take at least some of his annual leave at the same time as yours? My DH always took his when I was off too. Then you could have a bit of child free time then. I think this is what posters don't understand. He is getting his child free time, but you aren't.

I actually love that my DH isn't a teacher because selfishly I enjoy the time with the children by myself.
I tend to book them in a holiday club once a week , because they do a week of holiday club at the end of the hols (our holidays don't align).
I don't feel guilty about this because my husband sometimes takes annual leave when the kids are in school, and has days doing his own hobbies or socialising, which I would never get if I didn't use some childcare in the school holidays.

You haven't mentioned or alluded to what? Unrealistic expectations? You have though, just by mentioning time off without the DC, which really isn't the norm for working parents. Great for you that you've had it so far, and like I said you should definitely book clubs over the summer in future, but it's not the norm at all. Do you have friends with DC? Do they all have much time off?

If you've been on here any amount of time you'll know that posting the most innocuous dilemma will result in you being torn to shreds and told to LTB , but there's useful nuggets in here if you take a step back and absorb them.

And seriously, each summer is going to be dramatically easier than the last for the next few years.