Teacher married to non teacher

@allsummereverysummer I think you're getting a really hard time here.

It's okay to struggle with the situation you are in. I was desperate to work full time when DC1 was 2/3-7 as they were such hard work and I couldn't understand how everyone else coped. Being at work as a teacher was a doddle compared to parenting my own child! I couldn't go full time as we couldn't get any childcare for the extra work days. DC1 was later diagnosed with ASD and extreme ADHD which explained partly why everything was so difficult - when DC2 came along as well (3 years between them) I really struggled to balance their needs, stay sane. As they got older it was really difficult to do things with only one adult (ADHDer is a runner and would get completely out of control and overwhelmed in big busy places) and it was only as I developed strategies and a list of safe places where I could cope with DC1 (and after they started on ADHD medication) that I began to enjoy parenting again but this took years.

Even now (mine are both late primary) I would not want to be at home with both of them for 6 weeks straight as they can fight like cats and dogs, and it's really lovely to have one-to-one time with each of them. I have days without kids this summer and some days with only 1 of them. I do not feel guilty about that at all.

What has worked for us has been making some use of paid childcare when possible (a day here and there), asking the kids to brainstorm the beginning of the holiday what things they would like to do (big day out, out of house, in house, list of films and activities, games and walks, playgrounds and museums etc), creating a plan for the day which builds in time out of the house - usually in the morning/giving everyone some attention/usually a film at the end of the day for wind down and for me to cook.

It's hard right now. There will be hard times ahead as well for different reasons. It won't be forever and you will get through it!

I think it depends on the set up.

My DC go to the school I work in, so I do all school runs and school related things. His work is rota based but very changeable with no end time, and he has no flexibility or ability to be contacted during a shift due to the work (he also doesn't plan well, this is a recurring issue).

We have a child with ADHD/Autism/sensory processing (light of my life obviously, absolute pride and joy) who is not laid back or easygoing. So it takes up a lot of mental and physical energy managing the mood and expectations whilst also trying to teach/model self regulation/anxiety calming strategies.

I do/plan/sort all after-school clubs and activities. Food shopping etc. The life admin. DC finds switching off hard and doesn't drop off to sleep easily so bedtime can be late and draining. I don't get time to myself after bedtime because by then it's usually bedtime for me too.

I never go to the gym because there's no point in trying to schedule a regular time for it. My DPs will babysit but on their terms (fair) which means DC goes to their house which adds an hour or so onto every pick up etc, they are our only family childcare option.

But on MN teachers can often never be wrong.

I was a teacher and I winced when I read the OP. The holidays were when I realised how fortunate I was compared to my non-teacher friends who had to run themselves ragged using up all their leave (at a very competitive time of year) or plead with every friend and relative they had for help with childcare/playdates.

Teachers have it hard in many ways, but this isn't one of them.

Amen to this!

All these teacher haters absolutely fixated on the holidays- was the job not available to you when you looked for one? Why does it bother you so.

Dear god do the teacher bashers ever have a day off

It never occurred to me to want time off from looking after my dd in the school holidays- I saw it as time off from the kids at school and chance to spend time with my own child. My DD is almost 19 now and I'd give anything to go back to the days when she was by my side every day. Now, if I get one day with her in my holidays I feel lucky- she's either working, at her boyfriends, out with her friends or at uni. Make the most of your children while they are young because it's fleeting...

I find this really interesting. My partner and I just discussed this very thing. But he sees it very different to this.

He's a teacher - I'm a manager of a Child Protection Team. He said he loves the holidays with the kids. He said its never crossed his mind to want a break from the kids during school holidays in fact the opposite. He said he gets that when they go to bed.

I said earlier, I do all the morning school runs. He does 2 after school runs. I do the other 3. He goes to the gym 3 days after work. He never works at home, he tends to do that in school, before the school day starts. I book off a few days every half term, for us all to have family time and holidays

We literally have a well oiled machine where we both juggle the kids but have us time and time alone. We go away twice a year for a few nights without the kids, curtesy of aunt, uncles, nanny's and granddads.

I've only read the first couple of pages but you're getting an absolute pasting here unnecessarily.

Im a TA so do school hours and am in charge of childcare the rest of the time. It wouldn't even occur to DH that it was something he needed to consider.

I'm putting my DC in a holiday club for a few days so I can actually sit down, watch TV that I choose, go to the shops l, get my hair done etc and not feel bad or guilty about it. I haven't had a day to myself in years.

My DH works away, goes to the gym, has days off in the week where he can suit himself. I never get any of that, and it's a common gripe in my school amongst the female members of staff with primary aged children that once the holidays hit, their husbands check out and leave them to do the bulk.

It's almost end of term and I'm on my knees, we've just had OFSTED too so it's been a slog. I've had a cold for the last two weeks because I'm so run down and drained. I get where you're coming from.

What a mean post. So are us teachers supposed to just be able to naturally cope and not worry about how difficult it is sometimes to parent young children. Are we never allowed to ask for support just because we get long holidays?

Of course not which is why I feel a bit envious of those teachers married to teachers and now we really have come full circle

As I've said, I'm a teacher and so is DH and I am sympathetic. Two teacher families are challenging in other ways. Neither of us has any flexibility to work from home or arrive after 8.15. This is making our before school arrangements really tough and is going to dictate where we can send our child to primary school as it's basically all about before school club.

When they are both at school I imagine it will come into it's own.

For what it's worth, we both have some time off at the weekends (not every) so it's possible to not be super rigid or always exclusively "fair". In June I had 3 full Saturdays away from the kids doing stuff. DH had 2 Sunday mornings for hobby, he's now gone away for 3 days. We sort of roll with it, make sure we get time as a family and some plans we both want, each respects the others time and discuss in advance stuff which takes us off at the weekend.

If you do just want more time to yourself in the school holidays it's basically he takes leave, more nursery days or when they are 4 holiday club. If he's refusing to take leave but can that's an issue.

Understandable that you feel like this, don't beat yourself up. Bear in mind that most parents find school hols particularly hard for lots of reasons including increased childcare issues for some. Please try to take the holidays one day at a time

Once you've tried stretching 30 days annual leave over 52 weeks, please do come back and have a little whinge.

Er - aren’t they your children? Therefore your responsibility. Are you really so tired that you need complete rest for your long summer break? Some teachers are a different breed! 😂😂

I usually quite enjoy having DS home for the holidays. DH and I are both teachers, though. We both work full time which means it's usually rush during term time.
We haven't got much planned for this summer because I'm 39 weeks pregnant but DS will go to holiday club for 2 out of the 6 weeks to avoid him getting bored stuck at home with a newborn.
If your kids are in nursery anyway you'll get some time to yourself as well. Just depends on how you make use of it.

You are parenting young children with vastly differing needs. It is exhausting! It is hard work and it’s perfectly acceptable and understandable that you’d find a long stretch daunting.

Ignoring the nasty comments (I did report) it is human instinct to want to help and offer solutions. It’s not saying you’re wrong and if you were perfectly happy with the status quo, nobody would say a word. You’ve said you’re daunted by the prospect of 6 weeks so I think a lot of people genuinely are offering solutions. Sometimes you can’t see the wood for the trees when you’re in the thick of parenting 2 tiny dictators!

Take care and I promise it does get easier when their needs don’t seem to be competing so much.

Have you heard of parental leave? It is unpaid but if your DH could take some just to break up the long summer for you it might help? You could plan for it/save up. I have used it to take more time off with DS as I am a single mum working full time with regular (non school) holidays.

i know folks have been going on about weekends but you are saying there are only fixed times in school holidays you will be able to get your hair done or whatever and for things like that which only happen every few weeks surely it would be worth leaving both your kids with DH the odd time so that this can happen if it is something you want? Does your DH never do anything other than work or spend time as a family? If he does, maybe he owes you a few haircuts if that’s how you want to look at it.

So I work two week days and in the hols I have dc three days. I usually book a few sports camps/ Forrest school and dh books a few days off so in a week there's normally at least one day they are busy and I visit my dad/ go gym. Then we do a day out and a chill day

I'm married to a teacher who works FT.

Dh havign school holidays off is a huge perk of the job. It helps us out no end - holiday clubs are so expensive and DC doesn't always want to go everyday. So it's brilliant that Dh is home and can sort the kids and do fun day trips with them.

In the term time, Dh job has zero flexibility so all the school runs, sports days, inset days, school plays, school fete and things fall upon me to work around (my job is FT and more flexible).

Tbh, from where I'm sitting - you work Pt 3x a week and have a lot of holidays so don't have to worry about school holiday childcare (unless you choose to. Loads of non teaching families would be thrilled by that set up.

I don’t really understand. You say it’s the week that’s the issue but surely if you get more of a break at weekends it will have an effect about how you feel about your week? I think you are being quite rigid in the which you are approaching this, as others have commented. Why don’t you try some of the suggestions instead of dismissing them?

You have a very rigid and fixed mindset in your posts Op
That's my observation

You have an issue that is making you miserable and feel overwhelmed

You can
Look at what is the cause, the pros and cons , compromise and make changes that will relieve the pressure on you

Accept the issues are temporary,grit your teeth and burnout

Accept the issues,come back year after year moaning, burnout

It's your life, it's only you who is going to be miserable 🤷🏼‍♀️

When mine were being particularly trying, I used to zone out and pretend I was in a prison cell with just a pile of books...... solitary confinement and no visitors.

I revisited that cell several times during their teenage years.

Why the insistence that it’s only during the week that you need it broken up and not the weekend though? You’re being incredibly narrow in your view.
You want to work a part time term time only job.
But you don’t want to do childcare during the holidays.
But you also want help with childcare on your 2 days at home.
But you don’t want your DH to take the kids for a few hours on a weekend.
You’re unhappy and don’t want to change anything in any way.