Just another night of casual racism

This just reminds me of that Father Ted episode 😆😆😆

Horrible woman

doubtful.

why would you repeat the sentence anyway if you weren't trying to make some sort of point - SIL1 had already said they were going to eat in chinatown, why did it need repeating?

If she'd said 'We're looking forward to go to the corner chippy tomorrow,' SIL 2 wouldn't randomly repeat 'oh yeah we'll be getting some chips!' not just once, but twice. It wouldn't make sense, and wouldn't add anything to the conversation. It would be a very odd thing to do.

Besides which OP made it very clear she was saying it to get a laugh. If you thought this was a completely acceptable word, you wouldn't keep repeating it in a joking manner, because you wouldn't consider it funny?

OP I think you probably should have challenged at the time. Perhaps some of the people in earshot had chinese heritage, you wouldn't necessarily know. It's bad enough to hear people making fun of you but at least if corrected you'd think it's just one idiot, rather than a whole table of people agreeing with her.

It doesn't have to cause a scene or be aggressive, just something like. 'Don't use that word,' or 'That's really not appropriate,' or 'Yeah, don't say that,' or whatever, in a completely calm voice, the same tone as if you were correcting any other mistake, as if she'd said 'How's your cousin Amy,' and you were replying 'It's Anna, actually,' or something, so she can't say you're having a go at her, and it doesn't have to get emotive, you're just addressing something she's got wrong.

“Shut up, you racist dickhead,” generally works for me 🤷‍♀️

I agree, something like "You're showing your age there!" to make her sound old/old fashioned.

"it’s tiring calling out racism, I had to do it with my own family before and still sometimes do. Also, I recently met a new friend who said culturally inappropriate things to me and had to call her out but she was offended. We’re now no longer friends. I just wish it wasn’t so common place, it’s exhausting."

@Loonaandalf yes it is but do it anyway.

I've experienced direct racism. And it felt like a very lonely battle. These days more people do call it out and it feels much better to me.

Just keep it simple. That's a racist term. Don't use it. Then if they do use it they can't say they didn't know.

Right thanks for clarifying and if you had said that initially my response would have been different. You obviously don't like confrontation (nothing wrong with that) so it's a good idea to have a few stock phrases as other posters have suggested.
I possibly would have suggested they did not go to China Town with that attitude but that possibly would invite debate so possibly more like "We don't say words like that over here"

As I would have said something, which is more than the OP or her husband did, i don't see how I can be accused of condoning racism, casual or otherwise.

If you can't bring yourself to tell her off, you need to find a "fake-jokey" way to do it - eg "1950 just called, they want you back"; or else just act astonished "I can't believe you just said that!" Whatever you do, remember this: if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.

That doesn’t make it any better. Seriously, just stop, you’re embarrassing yourself by justifying racism from someone who REPEATED what she did to look for a reaction.

If you think a big reaction is what they want, here are a few things I use on DF when he makes shock value remarks which seem to take the wind out of his sails a bit:

• In a slightly pitying voice: "Wow. That was cringey"
• In a bored voice: "You're such a bloody dinosaur using words like that"
• not looking up from phone: "You're unbelievably boring when you go on like that"

Or if I have taken the bait and it has provoked a big "Oh well, you can't say anything any more can you!!' reaction from him.... calmly "Why does this upset you so much?"

I know it's PA as hell but it makes him feel silly and embarrassing as opposed to some tell-it-like-it-is Nigel Farage type.

@Iwantmyoldnameback errr unless you are Chinese i dont think you can say 'no offence was made' when it was more common place to hear.

This is a prime example of racism

Sounds like she's doing it because she thinks you're r a goody two shoes and wanted to annoy you.

I would just sigh and roll my eyes tbh. Or if you don't want people to think you're racist as well, just laugh it off "omg stop being so racist, let's talk about something else"

A relative of mine pulls this kind of crap all the time to be shocking and wind people up

Same. DF does it constantly. It makes me not like him and not want to spend time with him.

I'm not defending the SIL but they do not live in this country and may misunderstand that this is not an acceptable term. And that's what I would have told her, it appears nobody did, just gave her a stern look. I am older (boo hiss) and remember this term being used but only in relation to the food but not to people.

If she's saying it to be provocative then saying anything that sounds like you're educating her won't cut it. She knows it's wrong. Your DH should have told her not to be a dick.

I agree with the poster that says that some people love to provoke a reaction. They don't even know that they're doing it, but it makes them feel superior and calm to watch you get upset. So you have to play your part in their play. Many years ago, like thirty, when I was young, somebody called me a paddy repeatedly, as a joke, ''affectionate teasing'', made stereotypes about my parents, but when I lazily called the corner shop the paki shop, he rounded on me for my racism and drummed up support for his disgust with me.. He didn't give me time to say, wait, you're absolutely right, I shouldn't have said that, even if I hear it around, me, that's no excuse, it's offensive, never again. But before I'd had time to pause, think, reflect and have an authentic reaction, all of the focus was on my racism. I spiralled, trying to defend myself by pointing out their hypocrisy. I should have just walked away from a shower of arseholes who enjoyed pushing buttons. I'd reflected. I'd learned a lesson. After all I knew how it felt to be on the receiving end of lazy offensive language. I regret not walking away IMMEDIATELY but i stuck around for a ''court case''

Your SIL was being an ignorant idiot. However, at least you know where you stand with her. I do know plenty of people at work who would be horrified by her language and ‘they would definitely call her out’ on it. They polish their self righteous halos as they write equality and diversity policies but somehow only manage to employ middle aged white men in management positions.

Perhaps you could have casually said, oh hey, people don’t use that word these days. Then, you have told her clearly that it’s not ok to say it, but you have avoided calling her racist which could have led to a big argument/scene or a rift.

..and that you'd like to keep up the relationship as a family with a child but you won't be able to do so if they persist with this which would be a great shame ... so you're asking them as nicely as you can to desist as you'd like your baby to have an auntie