To leave baby crying if…

cardibach · 14/07/2024 12:35

Lourdes12 · 14/07/2024 12:09

I did read her post. The first sentence in her post says "it's just before 7am"

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Yes, at the point she’s posting and the child is back asleep. It was 5 when they woke.

Gogogo12345 · 14/07/2024 12:34

Lourdes12 · 14/07/2024 12:09

I did read her post. The first sentence in her post says "it's just before 7am"

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This is what OP posted.And it said BEFORE 7 not just before 7

Lourdes12 · 14/07/2024 12:09

cardibach · 13/07/2024 14:26

It was 5. At least read the OPs posts before commenting.

Edited

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I did read her post. The first sentence in her post says "it's just before 7am"

cardibach · 14/07/2024 00:34

User79853257976 · 13/07/2024 19:11

They probably would have fallen back to sleep quicker and also it was morning already.

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It was 5 am. Technically morning but 2 hours earlier than the child normally wakes. Plus my DD would in no way have fallen asleep in my bed. Not all children are the same.

FusionChefGeoff · 13/07/2024 20:08

It is perfectly fine to give a toddler who has woken 2 hours early a chance to get cross, realise it's not working, and then go back to get the sleep they need.

The pearl clutching on this thread is bonkers - if you NEVER leave your toddlers to cry then does that mean you give in to every tantrum? That's not good parenting!

SummerDays2020 · 13/07/2024 19:47

DragonFly98 · 13/07/2024 14:22

My eldest is over the age of 20 and I never left her to cry it out, nor did i see it advised anywhere!

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Mine and close friends eldest are between 17-20 - none of us would ever have done cio and I know noone that did. It certainly wasn't considered ok by health visitors. Not saying some people didn't do it but it wasn't the norm 20 years ago.

SouthLondonMum22 · 13/07/2024 19:44

She’s almost 2, not a tiny baby. She was clearly still tired because she went back to sleep.

You did nothing wrong.

Dinosweetpea · 13/07/2024 19:38

Packingcubesqueen · 13/07/2024 07:49

They went back to sleep so I’d say you made the right call. Being left for a few minutes to self settle is completely different from being ignored and left to cry repeatedly for hours. Young children do need to learn to settle themselves sometimes. Some of the comments here are ridiculous.

Absolutely this, it was 10 mins and they went back to sleep so you made the right call. They weren't up and ready to start the day. You went in to reassure and they went back to sleep. Perfectly normal, don't beat yourself up.

RegardingMary · 13/07/2024 19:18

For most kids 5am is a slightly early but not obscene start to the day. All mine have been early risers. Kids don't tend to have the 'lie in' gene until they get to around 9 in my experience and we've always encouraged toys/screen time in bed st weekends if its before 7am to try to claw back a small lie in.

I wouldn't encourage cry it out either. Your small child is trying to communicate, just because you don't understand what they're asking for doesn't mean they should be ignored.

DinnaeFashYersel · 13/07/2024 19:12

Id just bring them into my bed if I didn't want to get up and have a cuddle.

User79853257976 · 13/07/2024 19:11

cardibach · 13/07/2024 16:15

This child needed more sleep. The OP did the right thing - it wasn’t just her not ready to get up. Incidentally I didn’t ever take DD into my bed to ‘snuggle’. I learned very quickly this was the worst possible thing for us both as no rest ensued. It doesn’t work with all children.

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They probably would have fallen back to sleep quicker and also it was morning already.

Stompythedinosaur · 13/07/2024 16:23

No, I wouldn't leave my dc to cry because I deemed it was too early. Maybe they can't sleep. Maybe they have a pain they can't tell you about. Maybe they just need comfort. I want them to know that I will respond if they need me, because that's healthier for them.

Calphurnia6 · 13/07/2024 16:20

cardibach · 13/07/2024 14:30

She says 10 mins in the OP I’ve left to cry for ten mins and they did eventually stop
So she went in a few times to settle over 10 mins by which time the child was asleep again.

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The thread literally starts...

AIBU to leave baby crying if... It’s before 7am and you’ve gone in to settle a few times but they won’t stop?

...suggesting that the 10 minutes of baby being left to cry happened after the attempts to settle.

cardibach · 13/07/2024 16:15

User79853257976 · 13/07/2024 15:38

You take them to your bed and snuggle for a bit if you’re not ready to get up.

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This child needed more sleep. The OP did the right thing - it wasn’t just her not ready to get up. Incidentally I didn’t ever take DD into my bed to ‘snuggle’. I learned very quickly this was the worst possible thing for us both as no rest ensued. It doesn’t work with all children.

User79853257976 · 13/07/2024 15:38

Apppron · 13/07/2024 06:54

@Sirzy at what point do you stop going in though? I did try and re settle a few times. I feel awful now…it’s hard to know what’s best sometimes. Maybe should have just got them up

You take them to your bed and snuggle for a bit if you’re not ready to get up.

User317994 · 13/07/2024 14:47

You did the right thing! Sometimes they cry because they are tired and they need you to leave them alone and let them settle back to sleep. Mine gets left till 0830 and very quickly (1 or 2 mornings of some crying) learned to sing herself some songs, tell herself her little stories or go back to sleep for a while. Now she is super happy and not tired. And has a very secure bond, pleased to see me, very affectionate, but doesn't worry when I leave the the room or drop her off somewhere, she knows I will come back and she can be happy on her own/with others.

I have seen somewhere that for good attachment "rupture and repair" is important (i.e. you go away but you always come back) not just constant instant responses.

littleapplecottage · 13/07/2024 14:42

But mine usually wakes at 8am (and needs their sleep) so 5am would be way too early to get up for the day.

littleapplecottage · 13/07/2024 14:33

Apppron · 13/07/2024 06:57

They’ve gone back to sleep now. I feel terrible. Should I wake them?

I was very tired and obviously made the wrong call here

That is ok, you're doing your best like we all are. There are no perfect parents.

In that situation I'd get them and have a cuddle in my bed, get some milk or food if I thought they were hungry then try and re-settle them back in their cot to catch a bit more sleep until it was time to get up.

cardibach · 13/07/2024 14:33

DragonFly98 · 13/07/2024 14:22

My eldest is over the age of 20 and I never left her to cry it out, nor did i see it advised anywhere!

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Mine’s 28. I definitely saw it suggested. I even considered doing it once, but fortunately DD was an excellent sleeper and the night she wouldn’t was a one off.

cardibach · 13/07/2024 14:31

Miffylou · 13/07/2024 13:56

Your child can’t tell the time! If they’re awake they’re awake. They’re ready to start the day. If it was 5am I might have some sympathy with you, but not at nearly 7am. Most young children wake up early.
(If you think it might help you could get some blackout blinds or curtain linings, but it might well make no difference.)

It was 5. The child went back to sleep so obviously wasn’t ready to be up.

cardibach · 13/07/2024 14:30

Calphurnia6 · 13/07/2024 11:33

OP said she tried to settle him a few times first but didn't say how many times or how long for. Everyone is just assuming their interpretation is correct 🤷🏻‍♀️

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She says 10 mins in the OP I’ve left to cry for ten mins and they did eventually stop
So she went in a few times to settle over 10 mins by which time the child was asleep again.

cardibach · 13/07/2024 14:28

time2changeCharlieBrown · 13/07/2024 07:46

So why is the title
The title? To leave crying? From 5-7
been in to settle a few times over two hour's”

is pretty ignoring ,I think I would feel I’d ignored my child if I’d only been in few times and left them crying for two hours
sorry but that is my opinion from what I’ve read , if yours is different your entitled to your own opinion, that’s fine of course , but mine won’t be changed and is formed from what I’ve read

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Where are you reading ‘over two hours’? The OP says the child went back to sleep after 10 minutes. Don’t make stuff up.

cardibach · 13/07/2024 14:26

Lourdes12 · 13/07/2024 07:25

Why do you need to re-settle at 7? Toddlers get up at that time

It was 5. At least read the OPs posts before commenting.

cardibach · 13/07/2024 14:25

Mere1 · 13/07/2024 07:42

Not ‘maybe’- you should have got them up. It’s not early and they need you. Selfish.

5 is very early for a toddler who normally sleeps until 7. In this case, said toddler went back to sleep in 10 mins so no, not selfish. Very sensible and has allowed the child sufficient sleep for health and well-being.

DragonFly98 · 13/07/2024 14:22

johnd2 · 13/07/2024 07:41

Gosh lots of arsehole posters on at this time of the morning, 50 years ago people used to park the pram at the bottom of the garden and even 20 years ago people advocated cry it out to get your child to sleep.
OP I think only you can judge how to balance your needs and your child's, many random strangers on the internet will loudly tell you all child's needs trump all parents needs but that's not the case.
Having said all that you're child's distress won't damage them but it is telling you something important so use that information and if it starts happening more often then consider solutions. Eg blackout curtain, later bed time, change nap time or length, buy books about sleep and read them together, put an air bed in their room for early mornings for you, etc etc.
Good luck and I'm sure you're doing your best parenting (which is better in the long term than "perfect" parenting

My eldest is over the age of 20 and I never left her to cry it out, nor did i see it advised anywhere!