He stayed out to help a lady get home safe… AIBU or is DH?

I'm sorry, but his defensive response and trying to make it all your fault tells me he's lying.

Presumably he wasn't out drinking on his own, why couldn't another "aquaintance" who wasn't supposed to be getting home to ND Dd, have taken care of the lady? Or the bar staff?

Even if it's all true, he was loving being a knight in shining armour to a woman telling him about the failure of her marriage, and prioritised that over his own.

@ShiftySquirrel You've hit the nail on the head!

Saying that you let the children stay up to “get their goodnight kiss” sounds really manipulative actually, as if you were guilt tripping him and dragging them into it.

Either :

A) He behaves like this regularly- in which case you had no business telling them he was going to be back for the goodnight kiss business, as that wasn’t fair on them and you were setting him up to fail to make a point.

or

B) This is a one off & you were genuinely surprised that he wasn’t back in time to kiss them goodnight, in which case you are being really unreasonable.

Which one is it?

If I went on a day out with friends and ended up enjoying myself and staying out longer than intended, my DH wouldn’t dream of hassling me on the phone and telling me the DC were waiting for me to come home… he’d be happy that I was having some time out with friends, and would get on with the business of bedtime himself. He certainly wouldn’t throw me out for getting home at 10pm 😂

I think this is sus

At 7.30 he's got 1%...and manages to text at 9.15?

Come off it.

I'm amazed how many posters believe his story.

This happened with my DH on several occasions. He would be out and then was supposed to come home at a certain time, but he didn’t, because he was helping a distressed woman with an abusive boyfriend/a man who had been stabbed/a suicidal woman. I do think these things happened; however, in DH’s case they were used as excuses not to come home on time. I didn’t feel like I couldn’t question his behaviour because of course I wanted him to make sure the woman with the horrible boyfriend got home safely, or the ambulance arrived for the guy who had been stabbed. If I did say something then I was made to feel really selfish.

DH ended up going to rehab in the end and he doesn’t drink any more. I hope that this was a one off for your husband. Btw I think it’s always ok to ask questions when someone doesn’t keep to a commitment. That’s not selfish.

I wouldn’t trust your “h” as far as I could through him .
He’s doing whatever he likes with whom ever he likes then to take the heat of himself is blaming (gaslighting ) you .

Good wife at home stuck with the kids .

DARVO

Deny
Attack
Reverse victim and offender.

He is going on about you checking on his safety to make himself the victim and to deflect from his own behaviour.

^ The most sensible answer. Provided he isn’t going out all the time, spending huge amounts of money that you can’t afford, or stops you from going out on occasion and assuming he’s still present for family activities, if it’s a one off and he kept in contact with you then I can’t see the harm. One night of drinking / hangover doesn’t make you an alcoholic for God sake.

“So our children stayed awake to get their goodnight kiss from daddy,” How ridiculous, why have you started this? ND or not- ridiculous.

Your controlling. If my husband basically enforced a curfew on me, I’d divorce him for coercive and controlling behaviour. 10pm curfew, your insane! 😆

Well not necessarily as it’s relevant here – she’s questioning her motives in this specific situation.

(Agree that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with women sleeping with whoever the hell they want to, presuming everyone is single and consenting.)

So, he'll happily stay out to mind a drunk female acquaintance, with marital problems, for her safety, but wouldn't come out to get you when you were stranded without a taxi on a rare night out?
And 1% battery lasting hours?
And trying to make you feel guilty afterwards?

You've got every right to be annoyed! And that's without it disrupting a family day out today!

It’s a nice thing to do (potentially, depending on the motivation), but it’s not an obligation. I could get up and walk out of my house this evening half an hour into the city centre and find any number of pissed up people wandering about alone. I know they’re there.

The way you have also thrown in the lady's "reputation" around the local area sounds a bit like underhanded slut shaming.

Typical man of today. Forgets he is a family man hangs around in bars with random women, comes home at all hours very drunk when he does come home. So unattractive. I'm so fed up with men like this.

I think you're being controlling. He got home at 10pm, not 4am. I would understand if it was a regular thing on Sundays but as a one off, this is totally normal. If my DP berated me for day drinking that went on a little longer than planned, I would be reassessing things.

Your issue clearly isn't about the kids needing a goodnight kiss from Dad, if they can't go without this for one night, they will need to get used to both parents not always being there eventually. Your issue is about the woman. Your partner did the right thing and helped somebody get home who was in a vulnerable state. Would you rather she was left in the gutter with no way of getting home because it isn't his job to "babysit an adult"?

will you be going out for the day today?

Regardless of what he was doing and who he was with. He kept changing the goal posts and leaving you hanging. Does he normally do the opposite of what he says? Then when you discussed it with him he completely turned it back on you. However he had been drinking so you weren’t going to get a sensible answer. He did stay in touch a lot considering he was out. In future maybe just leave him to it and don’t expect t him back at x time.

This.
He's gone back to this woman's house, turned his phone off/do not disturb and done bits with her.

Did she not have a phone charger he could lend so he could contact you?

Putting the blame on you for not trying to contact him.

He's cheated.

YANBU OP. Despite his earlier good intentions he clearly wanted to stay out longer and used helping this woman home as an excuse to stay later.

That in itself isn't good, but to then twist it to being your fault is worrying. My OP does this, so I recognise the behaviour. It's very difficult to deal with, as it shows a clear disrespect for you and a complete failure on his part to accept any blame whatsoever. All I can suggest is try to be on your guard, or you may even want to consider if you have a future together, as, along with the earlier time he wouldn't collect you, when you were stranded late at night, makes me question his loyalty.

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but once he gets away with treating you like this, it will continue.

Has he done this sort of thing before?

I would be annoyed /worried if dh was significantly later back than said (like a few hours ) less than an hour I wouldn't be bothered. I would assume he was waiting for a taxi/having one more. I'd be pleased if he helped a lone female get home.

If kids were in bed then there's nothing he would be doing when he got home anyway.

If he ruined plans for the next day I would be annoyed.

I'm not sure about his reaction, it sounds like he was on the defensive but it's also a ridiculous point. If he's not normally like that I would put it down to him being drunk.

It doesn't say the driver was there the whole time. The DH might not have known he was driving and happy to drop the woman home. Perhaps the driver isn't very reliable and would have let this drunk woman wander off.
I think he did the right thing. No he wasn't nice to OP when he got home but it does sound a bit like she was looking for an argument. By the way other posters are right don't bother if he's pissed.
Hopefully he gets up soon and you are able to go out for the day. Would you be able to get her there alone? But really he should be fine if he stopped drinking before 10.

I agree with this and have no clue who can think Yabu.
other than they are voting Yabu for putting up with this shit.

his behaviour is garbage.
separarely, you are right not to call and chase him. Irrespective of battery, he is grown man, if he can’t be fucked coming home it’s on him.

you really need to get yourself a hobby now. today. And ideally have gym classes / pottery / whatever on Friday nights.

I agree he's deflecting, as another poster said. How do you actually know his story is true, any evidence apart from his?