He stayed out to help a lady get home safe… AIBU or is DH?

Plenty of people on this thread don't know how this type of man works. The '1% battery left" is to make sure you don't phone them, so they can do what they want knowing they won't be disturbed.

Then the deliberate derailment of the conversation from him being 'unable' to get a woman home ASAP, into the OP 'not checking he was ok'. And then the smirk (duper's delight).

And let's not mention the triangulation he then brought in, that he thought the woman had 'ulterior motives'

At first, I thought this was something and nothing, but those things? It's not the OP who is controlling, and this will be the tip of a whole manipulative liar iceberg.

absolutely

any good excuse i believe

Another one showing her ignorance about neurodivergence. Many ND children have massive difficulty coping with a change in routine, and need a lot of preparation and reassurance. So OP's child may have been OK if all concerned had known her husband wouldn't be home early well in advance; but he knowingly left her in a situation where he knew she was going to have to spring a late change of plan on her daughter and cope with the resulting meltdown, when she was already tired and stressed.

If an adult woman chooses to go out and get drunk, it's her responsibility to get herself home. She can't expect another person to abandon all their plans while she faffs around not wanting to leave the pub and rambles drunkenly at him about her marriage.

People are projecting their own relationships into this scenario.

People who have a partner who is trustworthy and decent = telling OP she is being unreasonable, what a good guy he is for helping out a drunk woman in distress.

People who have experienced partners who often lie and have acted dodgy in the past = telling OP the situation is fishy, obviously lying, darvoing you.

Only you know @SoulSissss if your husband is usually a decent and honest guy, this is a one off? Or has he acted poorly or lied in the past? No-one on this forum can tell you what is going on here, as they don’t know your husband.

Exactly this.

Damned right!

I loathe parents who frame everything in the eyes of the dc. It’s manipulation and it undermines the child by failing to teach them resilience.

<whiney> “oh dd will be devastated if H is late”

pathetic.

“now it will impact on our day out for DD” <whine>

you drive then. It’s seriously NO drama

All this mess is on you @SoulSissss teach dc that plans change and sometimes things crop up but it’ll be ok.

especially if you suspect ND, it’s critical that you teach her about life not being exactly the right way all the time.

your h did his best in the circumstances and kept you posted.

Me too,I see we’re getting into LTB territory too!
Gone are the days when husbands and wives had a quick spat and then just got on with life, what is the matter with people, just get over it and stop making a mountain out of a molehill.
Go and have a nice day out OP and stop looking for trouble where there is none.

Try reading OP's posts. Her daughter is neurodivergent. How she will cope is probably a question causing OP a lot of worry already.

I agree with blondiebeachbabe
This guy is up to no good and trying to concoct a cover story

Going off for the whole day at the weekend to enjoy himself is fine as long as you do the same.

This is a classic cheating scenario though

Love how mumsnet jumps straight to cheating in every situation it really is hilarious

Does he smell like fresh shower or some other woman?

Is he up OP and ready to go out?

IME men who have an agenda to cheat usually tell a story that has a lot of truth in it. He's telling you he found himself a female drinking buddy who wanted him to go home with her and he hung around to do it. He also prepped you for going no contact by telling you his battery was low. And now he feels you don't care about him. I would very very suspicious.

The woman is a red herring imo, he just used her as an excuse to stay out later and the whole 'damsel in distress' story sounds like bullshit he's dreamed up because he knew he was letting you and DD down by staying out when you were expecting him home. I don't think you should get bogged down in the idea that he put another woman before you OP, I think he just put himself first and wanted to stay out drinking, she was just a convenient excuse for his selfishness.

Sorry but she is being unreasonable.

Doesn’t sound like he stays out late often and clearly this woman was upset. You’d like to think someone would help you if you were in such a state wouldn’t you? He’s hardly put anyone’s needs before his wife’s - she made a rod for her own back with the bedtime kiss thing and is frankly a ridiculous thing to have done. Plans change - doesn’t sound like the husband came in paralytic either. Shit happens sometimes.

Look, I'm a cynic, so maybe disregard what I say, but ......

Grown man having to be home before a child's bed time = ridiculous.

Man hanging around to walk a woman home, who has a reputation, and who is drunk and slagging off her husband = he was hoping to get his leg over when he got back to hers.

Saying his phone battery was on 1% = he's hoping to stay out late for the above, and wants a cover story for going off grid. If you have find a friend on your phones, he could switch his off, claiming it died, and then you wouldn't be able to see that he was at her house for longer than it would take to drop her at her door.

Him saying you weren't worried about his safety = deflection.

@Booboobedooo I can go to a BBQ or something or a lunch with friends and drink all afternoon. It does not mean I am drunk, merely a bit tipsy, maybe. It sounds like he paced himself as no mention is given of him rolling him speaking gibberish.

"8 hours drinking" could well be 4/5 pints over 8 hours.

Its all so emotive "I had to explain why Daddy couldnt give them a goodnight kiss" Seriously, manage it and grow up!

Time to loudly wake him up, tell him to get dressed and be on his best behaviour for your daughter’s day out - the rest can wait.

Hmm. I think you are both being unreasonable tbh.

The key question I think is whether this is part of a pattern where he doesn’t pull his weight at home, goes out and doesn’t come home when he says he will. If this is the case, then this is a bigger conversation than the specifics of this one afternoon.

If this is not the case I think you were being controlling and inflexible to be giving him a hard time about exactly when he was coming home. Everybody deserves some time off and I’d have left him to it and hoped he enjoyed himself, (and then made sure I got some time to go out and do something for myself next time).

The good night kiss from daddy thing is a little silly. I understand because I have a small child who’s very particular like this, but you should have told her daddy was out and you were doing bedtime and that’s that. You shouldn’t have had the kids waiting up, that wasn’t fair on anyone and sounds a bit manipulative.

Him deflecting the conversation into why you didn’t check up on him is totally out of order and soo manipulative/ immature. Does he have form for communicating like that? I wouldn’t be able to stand someone like that tbh. This is the most unreasonable behaviour of all.

The drunk woman is a total red herring and YABU for bringing in that she “has a reputation”.

I dunno. Every 6-8 weeks or so I meet up with a friend ( male) in the afternoon ( shock horror!!) and we go out for drinks. This often stretches well into the evening with a KFC thrown in as well

Im self employed so work when I want and he does a half day Friday. Not everyone is on the 9-5

lol I think it’s the 8 hours drinking she has in mind

YANBU to be pissed off that he changed the goalposts and was later than intended. Telling him to leave was OTT in my opinion though.

You being up all night stewing is just as likely to ruin your daughter's day out as him being hungover from an afternoon/evening on the lash tbh.

You are trying to make an argument out of nothing.

He was home by 10pm and you are going out today at 9am and you are worried he wont be fit?
What? He is over 5 years old I imagine?