He stayed out to help a lady get home safe… AIBU or is DH?

My main concern would be that he's going out for 'a few drinks' at 2pm. When he has kids to parent and a marriage and presumably other responsibilities ie a house, a job etc.

And then has so little awareness of these things that he gets caught up in some random drunk drama with someone else, while his kids are waiting for him to say goodnight to them.

It speaks to rather shit priorities, selfishness and generally being a bit of an immature drunken dick.

He needs to grow up.

I think a lot of the issue here is that men (not all) like to say ‘I am only going for a couple,’ and say they will be home for a certain time or we make the mistake of asking them what time they will be back.

I understand that even with the best of intentions, people go out, begin drinking, get to chatting and having a lovely time and then think, ‘Oh just another quick one…’
I am guilty of this myself.

Now when my partner goes out, even for a ‘couple’, I don’t hold him to it or ask when he will be back, I just assume he will end up staying for more and having a lovely time and let him get on with it. He doesn’t go out drinking very often.
He also has no issues with me being out whenever and for however long.

I am not sure how I would feel about the stuff with the female drinker. From the initial post, I can’t imagine it making me too annoyed unless I was relying on him being home at a certain time.
However, from the information you have added in additional posts, I may be pissed off that he thought her intentions were dubious but stayed and waited for her to be ready to leave to get her home.
I just try to be fair and think ‘How would he (my DP) feel if the roles were reversed?’
He is very laidback and chilled so it’s hard to know, but I would feel bad if I told him I would be home in an hour and my battery was on 1 percent and then later told him, ‘A man who I think fancies me, has had too much to drink and wants my help getting home but he isn’t ready to leave yet, so I’ll be home later than I specified.’
My advice is don’t try to have sensible conversations with drunk people.
Enjoy your family day and tell him at some point how you feel about what happened and hopefully his sober response makes you feel better.

If I was out doing something, I would find it infuriating if DH tried to use the kids bedtime as a way of getting me back by a certain time and then made me feel guilty if I didn’t make it. I would think he was being manipulative and controlling.

If you don’t want him to stay out for that long just be straightforward and say so. It is perfectly reasonable to ask him to come back, especially as you have plans for the next day.

I too am married to a very kind man and my DH would always help if somebody requested it.
I love him for this part of his nature so I wouldn't have bothered me that he took the time to see someone home safely.
I would hope somebody would have done it for me if I was in a similar situation.
My DH very rarely drinks so I can't comment on the extended afternoon drinking session.

Not in the least. If I were stupid enough to go out and get so drunk that I wasn't sure I could get home safely, I'd call a cab. I wouldn't expect to mess up someone else's evening.

YANBU .

He’s a married man , not his responsibility to wait around for a random woman to get home safe when he has a wife and kids waiting at home .

Sounds like it’s just an excuse to stay out drinking later and maybe he thought he could use it as you’re a woman and how could you argue with him keeping a woman safe ! A silly drunk mind . Highly doubt it’s anything untoward as otherwise he wouldn’t have mentioned the woman , he’s been an idiot and just stayed out drinking with his mates .

Exactly

This person hadn't lost her friends, her phone or her bag. So this is irrelevant.

Agree.

He sounds like a bit of a prick to be honest. Go with your gut instinct OP. You say he's done this before . Its time for an honest conversation, and tell him things cannot continue as they are.

I wouldn’t ever get drunk enough to lose my inhibitions so the answer is no… to answer the original posters goading question

We’re not talking about getting lost, the woman at the pub isn’t someone who accidentally found herself in a vulnerable situation and desperately required the help of OPs husband to keep her safe. Let’s keep it in the context of what this woman did. She stayed out getting drunker and drunker, asking and expecting the OPs husband to take care of her and while offloading personal vulnerabilities, likely connecting on a deeper level. Where do moments like that lead to?
No I’d prefer not to end up alone, emotionally and/or physically vulnerable with someone else’s husband.
If I was sober and perhaps middle of the day, the context would be entirely different. I don’t see a situation where I’d put myself in that position but then again I wouldn’t be getting recklessly drunk in the first place that I required a man to look after me through the night… the woman is out of order but the husband should be wise to that game. How naive for him to stay there ‘helping’ her make it home safe.

I agree with this so many cool mums having a go at the OP. He could have just shoved her in a Uber. Wonder what would be said on here if his mate was a bloke.

Tell me you know nothing about neurodivergence without saying you know nothing about neurodivergence ...

She hadn't lost her phone and she had another friend there that gave her a lift home

Morning OP,

I just wanted to ask, do you work, do you have your own income?

The only reason I ask is from your posts, it seems your DH has a way of manipulating your worries/opinions.

If you're 100% dependent on him, financially, this doesn't help you being on an even footing with people like this, as they can feel they always have the upper hand.

So hopefully you do work. But if you don't, I'd make plans to.

You wouldn’t want someone you knew to help you get home safe? Either you’re lying or you’re very strange.

So if you were out and were drunk, had lost your friends and phone/bag.
And you saw someone you knew, you wouldn't accept their help because they were married and you'd prefer to be vulnerable and stuck?

Agree except I assumed the smirk was just to be belittling and put OP in her place with his point-scoring BS

He’s told you he went home with another woman who has a ‘reputation’ locally after they hung out together drinking in a bar.

Either he’s arse covering in case someone tells you he was behaving badly so he’s got this white knight story in early OR he wants you to feel insecure in your relationship. He told you he essentially wasn’t contactable and then tried to make you feel guilty you didn’t call or worry about him.

I wonder why that might be.

What a load of nonsense.

No I absolutely would not expect nor want someone else’s husband to comfort and console me, or help me home in a drunken state.. unless I hoped it would lead to more.
Utterly wrong and there’s no reasoning that would sway me otherwise.

The drunk woman is a total red herring and YABU for bringing in that she “has a reputation”

How is the drunk woman a red herring? I'd say the opposite.
Why is Op unreasonable to mention her reputation? It's relevant in this context. The woman he opted to stay out with, and go home with has a reputation of having sex with other men. It happens!

There's a woman in our town, who has a "reputation". She's married to a prominent businessman, who most people know. She's almost 50. She is in the pub every single weekend, getting absolutely pissed, wearing skimpy clothes like mini skirts and crop tops, even though she's overweight. She often takes men into the loos for blowjobs. At the village fayre she wore no knickers and a lot of men saw her fanny. Reputation? Of course. What do you expect?

So our children stayed awake to get their goodnight kiss from daddy, but I had to tell them that unfortunately thing had changed and daddy wouldn’t be able to be home in time.

You do sound manipulative here. Dad's out drinking and instead of giving him a time to come home by, you're using the kids to effectively try to control when he does come home.