He stayed out to help a lady get home safe… AIBU or is DH?

Phone was on 1% biggest tale in the book sounds like jay slater. He cared more about a woman’s mental state than his own partner, why not tell the bar staff. He definitely cheated

What's the relevance of this? No-one was having a heart attack.

Would you accept it even though the woman actually got a lift home with someone else and your DP for some unfathomable reason insisted on going along with them?

She wasn't alone or vulnerable. She didn't even want to go home, and when she did, someone else took her. This is just ridiculous.

But it's not making the husband do anything. That would completely be his choice

Are you saying if the local bike grabbed your husband and undid his flies then it's not his fault if he sleeps with her? He would have the choice to say no

It’s not irrelevant because the credibility of this other person implicates how plausible his story is.

If this woman was someone you knew to be a straight arrow, you’d be able to discount quite easily the possibility there was anything untoward going on and the possibility that the DH just found a willing drinking buddy and the possibility that he knew himself the ‘help me get home’ schtick wasn’t all that genuine.

I 100% think that any woman should shag whoever she likes whenever she likes and what of it? whilst also acknowledging that someone who is a drinker and flirtatious and into casual sex has a higher probability of drinking, flirting and having casual sex than someone who isn’t into those things.

Of course you can take the characters of the people involved into account in weighing up how plausible you find his story.

I think all this talk of the woman's "reputation" is somewhat archaic. Unless her reputation is for coercing married men into cheating (and how would she do that?)

I can imagine my own fella using this "damsel in distress" story to paint himself as a hero tho. Or at least, he used to do stuff like this before he quit drinking. I actually had mixed feelings -I liked the fact he helped people, but also was aware he used it as an excuse to ignore MY needs from him at times. No doubt I was sometimes jealous too. In the end we worked through it. (We both compromised - and both stopped drinking!)

Classic drinker's story, always looking for someone else to put the blame on to extend their drinking

It's not mysogynistic to point out that certain behaviours will gain you a reputation. People aren't blind. There is also a man here who does very similar - he also has a reputation.

Her reputation is not irrelevant. Op's husband staying out drinking late with a woman who is around his age, known for being a bit risque, has made it clear she fancies him, he wants to see her home, he lies about his phone being on 1% (ie. setting the scene for going awol)

.....completely different to Op's husband trying to get 90 year old Jim home safely.

Ugh the misogyny. Her reputation is irrelevant because OP’s husband is responsible for his own behaviour. Either OP trusts her husband or she doesn’t. If the latter then this thread is about that and the reasons he is untrustworthy ( not what time in the afternoon he came home and whether he gave the kids a goodnight kiss).

I'm sorry but that is typical "im a good guy trapped by a harlot" bullshit excuse. He's telling you that he was in with a chance but turned it down. Why do women readily believe this about other women when we've had experiences of men/boys who've said they've shagged someone they haven't?
As said he's using DARVO and has wanted a reason why he was in her company incase someone says something. For all we know her friend has stepped in, because your DH wasn't leaving. I'd be keen open mind on what's gone on, but not in his favour given that he's left you previously stranded.

Where's it say he was out drinking alone?

not 45 mins, 1hr 45 (message saying it's at 1% at 7.30, then another text at 9.15!
as many others have said, this is completely implausible. At 1% my phone is seconds away from dying, even if you put it on flight mode it wouldn't stay on for another 2 hours. Besides which it's hardly as if it goes from 50 to 1% immediately, you'd think he'd have noticed when it was at 15% or whatever and taken steps to conserve the battery then.

He was planning to stay out much later by 7.30, and didn't want you to phone and nag him. Whether that was because he just wanted a few drinks with his mates, or something more dubious, who knows.

Agreed.

It all sounds very suspicious.

Why did he go for a drink at 2pm alone on a Friday?

Then prepping you by saying she had ulterior motives.

If I was out drinking alone (which I wouldn't be, but for argument's sake) and a man I vaguely know came up tomme with ulterior motives, I wouldn't drink with him for 2 hours & pretend my phone had 1% battery, then come home and start trying to turn things around on my husband.

Also what happened to the people he'd gone drinking with at 2pm? They suddenly vanished and it was just him and a drunk woman at 8.30pm on a light summer evening in a pub and he couldn't possibly leave her but had to stay and drink for another hour? He wasn't driving anyway . There was obviously this mutual male friend with a car and him then trying to play the damsel in distress card with being all "poor me" about you not phoning the police or whatever he expected when a bloke with a flat battery on his mobile is late home.

You’d be a fool to be taken in by all his bullshit. He’s been up to no good and now turning it round on you for not checking he’s okay. Can you see that OP.

@SoulSissss
what made me really upset is he began quizzing me on why I wasn’t checking on him since he wasn’t home when he said he would be.

I have to say this made me immediately suspicious. Also the fact that he was joking around about it. These were the tactics used by my ex in order to deflect attention from what he had done and to try to turn the whole thing into something much more lighthearted and funny.

He could have told the drunken woman I will take you home if you go now as I need to get home as well, but he didn't. I can't help feeling that the 'he was great waiting until she wanted to go home' brigade are totally naiive. Of course he should not have ditched his responsibilities to his wife and children, in order to stay out late himself to make sure that she got home OK.

I can smell the bullshit from here. He's lying.

No, I'm saying all parents should turn up when they said they would, except in an emergency, which is obviously how he's tried to paint this, but it clearly isn't.

Why would DH not know DD was expecting him, when he said he'd be home and the usual routine is for him to kiss her goodnight, which he knows is important to her?

The dh didn't know the child was waiting up for him though, as far as I can tell from op's posts that was her choice.

Are you seriously saying parents of ND children are not allowed out past dc bedtime?

The "bumped into" is also off. It might be normal(ish) for men to drink alone, but how often do you see woman in the pub alone? Who had she gone there with and why didn't they stay with her?

I'm not a clingy person. I often go out for a full day and evening of drinking and I'd have no problem with DH doing it, but we'd both know that was the plan beforehand, and neither of us would make up such a cock and bull story to excuse it. That's the issue, not that he was out for several hours.

How would this woman he "bumped in to" have got home if he hadn't been there? To me it sounds bizarre that if he started drinking at 2 he wasn't home by 6. The wanting to be a night in shining armour stuff sounds like a lie especially as he got a lift home from some other bloke who she could have just asked instead although I think women should be self sufficient and not rely on random men in pubs to escort them home.

Of course she could have done, and she did, but what message is he sending to any DD, even one who doesn't openly show she's upset, by saying staying in the pub was more important to him than being home as promised?

Don't be ridiculous.

The fact is the man is lying, or do you believe:

-His phone did stay on 1% for nearly 2 hours
-He was the only one who could possibly have helped this poor drunk broken hearted woman
-He was really upset that DW didn't try to contact him when he was late, despite him having told her he'd be uncontactable.
-He prioritised said broken hearted woman over his DD just because he's a good chap.